I keep a lot of my quotes around, just for kicks. I actually stick some of them on Facebook as 'Matthew Quote of the Day' things. Enjoy...
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Unfortunately, people don't take kindly to a teenage guy who quotes himself. (I'm going for the irony here.)
You are learning well and quickly, and that is an admirable thing.
*end Hemingway moment*
Zest is defined as vigorous and enthusiastic enjoyment. This cannot be applied to fishing, unless maybe if you're fishing for sharks...from an inner tube.
Throttle is when you wedge someone's throat under the gas pedal of a car and push it down.
Contrary to popular belief. I really am a romantic at heart...
I figured out why my screen is so smudged. It's all the bugs smashed onto it.
Blaring music by Thomas Bergersen through noise-canceling headphones in the middle of the night is an experience just about on par with thinking about the person you have a crush on.
Not that I have a crush, mind you, I just know what it feels like.
Sure. *rides off into the sunset*
Wait. We still have a few more chapters to write. *rides back out of the sunset*
Smells like a challenge to me...and you know what I do with challenges. I eat them for...dessert.
Irony: When the two-year-old calls the whining five-year-old a baby.
Tomorrow morning I have to wake up 25 hours after I fell asleep last night.
*in the mood for some loud music* ... *turns on Paramore* ... *turns volume way down* 
Mmm. Ain't nothin' quite like a good ol' hunk of mangled, burnt cow with cheese, ketchup, tomato, and sweet onion between round pieces of bread.  
I can finally spell miscellaneous! Is it weird that I learned to spell supercalifragilisticexpialidocious and pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis and hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia before I could spell miscellaneous? 
I finally figured out how I could play the piano at my own wedding. I need to build a time machine so my future self can come back and play the piano while I'm getting married... 
I am me. There's only one person in the world like me, and that's me. If you meet another me, he's an imposter. 
That's always how it goes. I'm tired in the late afternoon and evening, and then I'm very alert for half the night. Then I sleep like a piece of roadkill for the rest of the night and most of the morning... 
I also tend to trim my beard from time to time, contrary to popular belief. 
My mind is like a cross between a huge warehouse and a black hole. 
Okay, now this is just sad. The Hat has 23 fans. Luke Alistar has 14. I'm trying to be MORE famous than my own hat! Why is it so hard? 
 
  I try not to make excuses. Excuses are for wimps with insecurity and indecisiveness problems. 
I think pretty much anyone who comes into contact with me has ended up laughing. 
Stephen: “Uh…Mother said to drive slower than you want to.”
Me (going fifty-five on an unmarked and somewhat twisty country road) - “I am! I’m going a lot slower than I want to.” 
The subject of an email I got from Writer's Digest: Science-Fiction Author John Scalzi Explains How Not to Be Boring
My solution: Join HW. 
(On the subject of cutting off a friend's beautiful red hair and sending it to someone for safekeeping...)
Timothy - Whoever holds the cut hair will be cursed with the vengeance of Jane and will probably not live long.
Me: Send it to Obama. 
A friend: Similar people never seem to get along very well.
Me: That's why I get along with everybody.
On the subject of me using the internet instead of focusing on editing my novels:
Quote:
Timothy: Want me to get a team together to hack your computer and deny you internet access?
 Me: Nah. My father can do that really quick if I ask him to. 
Timothy: And that's probably more legal. Or at least would take less detanglement to prove its legality. 
My father: *laughs menacingly* 
Me: I am so disturbed. 
My father: I can even do it from here at work. 
Me: Oh, the power this one man holds! We must give the power back to the people. Democracy! Give me liberty or give me death!
Okay, maybe not death... 
My father: Can you imagine democracy in our house? The children 12 and under could vote in anything they want. 
 
  Me: Their votes would only count for a quarter. 
My father: If democracy were by weight, then yes, you would probably get most of what you want. 
Me: You and me both.
Me and my best friend:
Quote:
Me: But when I'm around you, I'm around your family, and then I'm REALLY the odd one out since I'm at least a foot taller than any of you. Haha.
 Samii: XD True. My dad is 5'6" so not QUITE a full foot taller than him. 
Me: Ah. CLOSE! 
Samii: With your hat on you are probably a full foot taller. 
Me: Add the boots and it's a foregone conclusion. 
Samii: O_O 
Me: Yeah...6' 7" with my boots on.  
 
 Samii: You terrify me. 
Me: Aw. *takes off boots* You know those big huge teddy bears? 
Samii: Yes? 
Me: I'm one of them. Packed into a formidible-looking shell to scare off people who aren't nice to you.