Ok, this I guess is a mini-story and could possibly go in story excerpts for discussion, but I wrote it originally as a piece of history so I'm putting it here. This is Un-edited, in fact I haven't even read it over twice. Please note that Shebaani is a working name, and Elves are a working name. I'm planning on using 'Creator God,' but I may end up using a different name.

The perfect age refers to a time before the fall when Elves and Dwarves lived together in harmony and sinlessness. Those where days when Sapramuh could talk and when the lion would lie down with the lamb. All the elves and dwarves were given their own gifts and would use these gifts for the joy of others. All was happy.

Now all of the Elves and the Dwarves and Animals lived on a single continent, and there was only one command given by the creator God. It concerned a plant in the center of the garden that held the fate of the world. 'You shall not harvest this plant and eat of it.' And all the elves and dwarves knew of this and didn't have to think twice about it.

Near the end of the perfect age there was an elf by the name of Shebaani. One day, as Shebaani walked by the beautiful plant in the beautiful garden, and his eyes were drawn to it. The tempter, a rebel angel, went into him and caused his mind to wander and he longed to know of the secrets behind the plant. Finally, unable to contain himself, he pulled the plant up from the ground.

In that instant the Island was thrown apart in a violent earthquake. The elves and dwarves where spread out among the lands and the continents were formed. Many of the Elves were transformed to become mortal humans, but a small group recieved the blessing of the Creator God and retained their Elvish blood.

And the elf, Shebaani, fell into a deep chasm that opened up where the plant had been. In the hole, Shebaani looked up and saw a magnificent light, greater than that of the sun. Shebaani cried out and said, 'O God, O God, do not kill me!' The word 'kill' had never been known before and this was the first time it was used. The Creator God said, 'Merashath, your plea has been heard. For your treachery, you will forever be condemned to live in the body of this Elf. Shebaani, I will not kill you, you will live until the end of time, as a curse, bearing the shame of your people, only defeated by pure good.'

And behold, Shebaani and Merashath became one, and they began to grow and transform into a giant bat, with the talons of an eagle, and a hideous face. In that hour the earth turned dark, darker than night at high noon. And Merashath flew off in anger at the curse upon him and at God. He flew off to gather the weak and the shaken, the ones who would listen and believe the first lie.

Pretty awful, isn't it? Any suggestions?

Ooh, actually I like it. I didn't see any grammar errors or anything, although I did read it fast, there were a couple sentences that could be slightly better, but overall it was very good! A great way of illustrating the Fall!

Thanks!

Now I understand why Merserath looked like a bat.

Yes Varon. It is all explained here. I'm thinking of changing Merashath so that the only thing able to defeat him is something of pure good...not a drop of evil in it. Would I have to change his curse for this?

I would think so, becasue at the moment, nothing can stop him. Not even pure goodness, so it would have to be changed to nothing except pure goodness, which adds more plot ideas. Not to mention a decision on Merserath's part.

I'll look into that once the Sci-Fi forum is up and running.

I like it, but there's one thing:
This makes darkness and night seem like evil things, but if you look at the Creation account in Genesis, there was always a time of darkness and "He called the darkness 'night.'" Ok, you can ignore my nit-picking, it's really not a big deal just something that caught my attention. I happen to be a person who enjoys the night and I pity a world that had to have sin in order to have night

That is an interesting point, Seer. I like the night too... Maybe it becomes "synonymous" with evil after sin, or something like that, if you were going to change it.

I want to see the earthquake scene in 3D animation!

This is wonderfully done, Elanhil! I agree with the others - darkness is not evil, but sadly, it has since become associated with wickedness. Therefore, as a metaphorical representation and not a literal allegory, I think it's a fair change.

This Merashath... he's not the Devil, or is he? Since he lives forever and becomes sort of an emblem of wickedness - whereas we don't hear about the rebel angel anymore - it almost seems as if you're using him in the place of the Devil. Which, again, is a fair switch because this is fiction.

I think you'll just have to be careful as to how you're pitching this. If you're going to market this as a literal allegory of creation, you might have theological problems. If you're going to market it as an artistic and fictional interpretation, understanding that it's not perfectly in-line with the Biblical account, I can accept that as a reader.

Darkness is even associated with evil in the Bible. Some verses say that man does evil in the darkness because he doesn't want his deeds exposed by light. Of course, as Seer pointed out, there was darkness before the Fall, and then the darkness was good. Maybe something like the night came on darker and colder and became feared. Or something to that effect.

btw, I like it just fine the way it is, if you'd rather not change it.

It's not a literal allegory. It just happened differently on this world, is all.

But now I agree with you on the night thing so I'll change it.

EDIT: There. I changed the night thing, the curse, and some of the details about the rebel angel.

So is Merashath the name of the rebel angel? You said its name was Tempter in the post.

There. I made 'tempter' lowercase. Does that fix the problem?

What I'm really asking is if Merashath was another name for whoever the tempter was. I wasn't really sure if the tempter was a whole other character, because you said the the Creator made Merashath and Shebaani the same person.

Merashath is the tempter.

Okay, thanks for clarifying.