Needs a better title since the mystery is solved early on.


Twelve year old Alba “Al” Domici quotes Sangrean Games stats easily and dreams of being a shooting competitor. With family money in short supply Al hopes to earn one of the two scholarship spots on the District Team. Al’s seminary professor dad doesn’t understand. She alienates her friends. The rich kids on the District Team have everything she wants. Then strange people show up knowing private things about Al’s family, her dad may be a hit man, and her friends say punching a guy who kisses your cheek is a bad thing.

Al must overcome herself for a chance at her dream.

I like it!

I think atpollard's blurb improves the first one but I'm still wondering how her obstacle is herself as compared to mysterious people stirring up family secrets. There's a disconnect between the two. Now, her tendency to alienate friends and punch boys in the face - that is her getting in the way of herself. But what do the mystery people/secrets have to do with it?

And I want to hear more about her dad being a hitman - interesting!

*scowls* But I would punch a guy if he kissed my cheek.

I think I could care about Al if she's like that.

Funny story - in third grade, riding the bus home from school, a boy hopped across the aisle to sit next to me, grabbed my hand and kissed it. I was so startled I shoved him right off the seat. He stayed away from me after that. lol

Haha, Al would get along with one of my characters. At least about the guy thing.

This section "Her dad doesn't understand, she alienates her friends, the rich kids have everything she wants" felt a little strange to me. There's so much going on that I have a hard time seeing how it all connects. That might just be me though.

(Sorry, accidental double post!)

The evening before Al's dad took the kids to a movie. They were accosted by six thugs.

“Go ahead. Tell her.” Mon said quietly. “She should know.”

“I’d rather not.” Wilbur replied.

“What?” Al said.

“Wilbur did some more investigating.” Mon said. “It’s about your dad.” He added quietly.

Wilbur looked at Al. “It’s not what I expected to find. Honest. It’s not what I was looking for.”

He slumped. For a long time he didn’t speak, but kicked his heels on the carpeted floor.

“I think my aunt is scared of your dad.” He said quietly. “Just like the sheriffs were last night. Don’t you remember? When they found out who he was they let him leave the scene and treated him like nobility. They came to his house instead of making him answer questions right then.”

Jo added. “Wilbur asked me for a copy of the corder’s record during the fight. I watched it too.”

“I spoke to Aunt Jen about it. Something looked funny but I wasn’t sure what it was.”

“My dad got lucky against a bunch of thugs.” Al said, looking at the floor. “What’s the big deal?”

“Your dad didn’t get lucky.” Wilbur said. “I watched the corder’s scene in slow motion. Real slow. When he turned to me he moved, too. That was odd. I described the move to Aunt Jen and...and she said it was a fighting trick. Not one you can use in a sport fight, but when you wanted to kill someone. She asked me where I had heard of it and when I told her she told me to forget it and never speak of it again. She was serious, almost like there was a scary secret.”

“He’s just my dad, guys. Honest.” Al said quietly. “He protected us.”

“Al, there’s no mention of a Marco Domici ever being a police officer on Wardn. Thirteen years ago his dad mysteriously died, his mom left the planet, and he seemed to drop off the map. Everybody knows about the Domici, they are a tight knit family. Some say they are a crime family. I wouldn’t have thought that about your dad, but he beats up six big guys and the sheriff deputies are afraid of him? Even Aunt Jen seemed scared and she’s not afraid of anything.”

“A few years later he comes back and there’s a lot more Domici activity. He leaves the planet several times a year but can’t afford a new car. He's a professor at a seminary, but how often have you seen him go teach a class?”

“What are you saying?”

“I think your dad is a criminal, Al. Maybe an assassin.” Wilbur said quietly. His eyes darted around the room.

“But he’s my dad.” Al sniffed. She looked at Wilbur. “I thought you were my friend.”

“I want to be. But I want us to be honest with each other. Can you really say none of this makes sense?”

But she started it!


“I...I met the lady who was robbed.” Al looked at her shoes. “I won’t accept the reward, she’s not rich. We have to find the watch though, and the case. Both are important. She really needs them.”

“Okay, I’m in.” Wilbur said. Jo and Mon nodded.

“Thanks guys!” She hugged Wilbur, and then stumbled back. “Oh, eww, ugh...sorry! That’s not what I meant.”

All three kids were just gaping at Al. Is said “Too much ice cream can do that to you, kiddo. Makes you all bouncy and hyper.”

Al’s dad had an eyebrow raised. “I’m seeing a significant reduction in family ice cream allotments, aren’t you, Tater?”

“Yes sir.” Al was beet red and Wilbur was still in shock. Jo was giggling and Mon was laying on the porch holding his stomach laughing.

Ak flipped a burger. “I was going to offer to go get some ice cream, but that might get me in trouble.”

“Most assuredly. We’ve had all the ice cream I can handle right now.” Al’s dad said.

*mumbles something about the boy being lucky you were only startled*

Never mess with the Lady.



That's awkward...

That's part of the humor. In Book 1 pretty much everyone on the planet, except Al, knew Wilbur had a crush on Al.

As the books progress Al is "single" and happy with it. Wilbur and Gray tentatively move to boyfriend and girlfriend. Mon and Jo are "brother and sister by pinky promise". I'm trying to make each of the girls easy for a reader to relate to so young ladies can see that it's okay to not need a boyfriend to complete your identity.

If you've read the "Ought Five and One Two Three" story here then there's more humor. Dede has a picture up of Wilbur and "One Two Three" is Al.

Al is getting the potential for a boyfriend in Cadet Captain One. Not sure how that will progress as there's a lot of pressure on both kids.

I'm not a fan the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing. My dad says that boyfriend/girlfriend breakups are like mini divorces. Not cool at all.

Ah, okay. Trail Rat...Al. I can see that with the whole punching a guy who kisses you.

True, they can be. One cannot attempt grand success without risking grand failure. Al's dad probably isn't ready for it either but...



Trail Rat is still dealing with trauma from Book 2. That was atpollard's comment about PTSD. She's inept around guys and her first crush, CC1, meets her covered in mud.

I rewrote atpollard's re-write.


Twelve year old Alba “Al” Domici dreams of being a shooter in the Sangrean Games. She can quote stats in her sleep and practices with borrowed gear. Tryouts for the rare scholarship spots on the District Team are in three days. Her dad doesn't understand, she alienates her friends, and punching a guy who kisses your cheek turns out to be a bad thing.

The rules of life change when mysterious people expose family secrets. Al's pride destroys her friendships. Can Al fix what she has broken and overcome her greatest obstacle ... herself?


Part of Al's growth is moving from "being a shooter in the game" to actually being able to win. It's a change in the poverty based mindset; she must move from "poor me" to "I have value".

Tell me more!

(Just a question since Al is trying to find value in what she does: Maybe have have her realize at some point that her value isn't found in what she does, but that she already has value? What you do does not determine who you are. Who you are determines what you do.)

Several themes run through the book early on. The major one is Al learning to love and trust her dad enough to "be a kid".

As the story begins Al is yet again fixing the kitchen table. She rides bikes with her friend Wilbur, she crashes and gets back on, and she is a bit selfish. As you said, she's putting value in the wrong things. Then her pain pushes her to do something really stupid. She hits her darkest moment and will lose any chance of ever being a competitor.

Al wanted to be a competitor because she thought that would make her "somebody". When those family secrets are exposed she is so far out of her ability to function that she has to quit being self-centered and to learn to honor others. How she handles that is part of the story.

While the book is Christian, and many of the characters pray and speak of "The Creator", it is more a demonstration of us as believers. We cannot comprehend God's power yet we keep saying "Hey God, I got this. Don't worry about it."