Hello everybody,

I would like to share something with you all, because now I know I have to share more with christian people -you will understand shortly why.

I am living a very delicate situation : Indeed, I have been raised, and I still evolve, in a non-christian family. My parents wanted me to be educated in a catholic school for most of my scolarity because globally catholic school in France are more prestigious -and the educational level higher, yet the children I met in this school were not christian at all in their behaviour (even though they were always the first ones to get the sacraments)...and the few friends I still have from this school are all non-christian. Then I entered a public high school, where I made wonderful friends (much more than in my previous catholic school) but all of them are atheists or agnostics unfortunately.

As I came back to faith in Christ only lately (I am about to be baptized), I don't have friends in my new Church yet -besides, it is an anglican church, so most people of my age there are English or American and usually are not in France for long (they mostly come for their studies). But now that I seriously took the decision to follow Christ and to live with him, I really begin to find my relational stuation very problematic and toxic for my spiritual growing and my faith. Actually I've been wanting to be christian for years, but it was so slow, and I had so much difficulty to find God that I think I understand now why it took me so much time (but I may be wrong) : because I am in a non-christian environment.

As I told you, in my college most people are real atheists or agnostics...they scarcely want to hear about religion.
Besides, France has a long tradition (since the Revolution) of anticlericalism in the public area : the catholic Church opposed to the Revolution, and catholicism being assimilated to christianity in general, and most largely, to religion, the republican France has become a totally lost and atheist state, and has spread atheism through the whole country...therefore it is difficult enough to take on christian values and opinions in France without being laughed at or despised, or seen as an alien...the climate toward religion here is very different from that in America, or even England, or any country I've known.

But all of this I could have endured if my family, my dear parents and sister, had been there to support me and to raise me christianly. Actually, I was raised in a traditionnal and balanced way (my parents are married and they love each other dearly and my sister and I were both baptized as infants and we learned to respect our parents and to behave toward them in a certain way, and not to take liberties with them, my mother stopped working to take care of us so she has always been there for us...I am a very lucky girl for all of this) but as I told you neither my father, nor my mother, nor my sister, nor my aunt and uncles are christians...they are atheists. And they DON'T understand me, they just can't...when I express my doubts concerning abortion, premarital relationships, nudity, alcohol and all the "cool attitude" they almost see me as a lunatic...they call me prude, puritan, excessive, narrow-minded. Everybody claims to be respectful of my personal belief, but my father and my sister don't hesitate to speak very lightly of things which they know I believe holy right in front of me, as if they wanted to tease me. My sister sometimes insults me because she flies into a temper each time I express myself on those topics or I react in an unexpected way. "Tell me you don't think that....!" she often shouts at me, but sometimes she can hurt me much more than this; once she entered my room suddenly while I was praying, she laughed at me in a mean way and said "praying for my salvation ?" and she doesn't know how bad I felt afterwards. This was the worst of all. I always try to pray when I am alone in the house precisely to avoid this kind of "encounters".

They don't understand me, they seem to believe that I will live like anybody else except for the fact that I think there is a God. They can't admit that my faith must naturally condition my whole existence. I know perfectly how they think, because I have been an atheist, but they don't know what I live, or rather what I am trying to live, because they have never been believers, or if they have been once, it was a long time ago and they have forgotten how it feels like.
I think I fully know now what Jesus meant when He said He had come to bring a sword and to set a daughter against her father, and a son against his mother, and that a man's ennemies would be the members of his household...

Eventually after such conflicts with the people I love the most on Earth I experience very often the feeling that after all I do not believe anything, that, as they say, it is not reasonable, that I am fooling myself. And it breaks me down, and it seems I forget everything God has done for me already, and how wonderful His love and His presence next to me feels, and all the reasons why I chose Him ! As if none of this had ever existed. Worse, I know how much I must offend Him when I am weary like this, and then I feel so miserable, I think I am unworthy of His love and faithfulness, and I will never be able to live up to Him. Sometimes I just don't know which thought is the worse : to live without God, or to see the persons I love the most going to Hell forever. God knows what I am going through, but my family has no idea.

Thank you for those who took the time to read this very personal post until the end; It occurred to me after wandering the forum that most of you seemed to have grown up in very christian families; I wanted to share this with you in order to know if anybody lived the same situation as me; but even if the people who read this post don't, it would do me well only to confide in christian fellows who could understand me. Sometimes I feel so alone it makes me cry.

Thank you for sharing, Sarai. It took courage to do so. I myself did not grow up in a situation like yours, but I do know at least one person who did. I cannot claim to understand exactly what you are going through, but I will most certainly pray for you.

Thank you soo much, that is what I need

You're welcome, Sarai.

Sarai... I'm sorry.

I've never experienced anything like this. My family has been good. They are all Christians (except my baby brother, and an aunt I have no contact with really).

But I have experienced doubts, and loneliness, and feeling like I've failed God, and... well, it is hard, it's one of the hardest things. I'm sorry. I don't think I can really imagine what it's like for you, but I can pray for you, and I will. * smiles a bit *

Thankyou for telling us, I'm glad to be able to pray for you. God be with you. You're my sister in the church, and I love you. * smiles *

Thank you so much my sister ! I wish I could give you a big hug God bless you -you know He has been so good for me I believe He already answered to my needs thanks to your prayers my friends ... It feels so good to know people are praying for me I am glad for you (is it Juliet ??) that you could grow up in a Christian family, I wish to offer my future children the same thing one day, even if I will always be grateful for what my parents have done for me

I am so sorry, Sarai! I will most certainly be praying for you. I understand why you would want to suround yourself with like-minded people who will build you up.

I was brought up in a Christian family, so my Parents are both Christians - which is lovely. My little sister isn't a Christian though, and my older sister, although she is born again, we don't always see on the same page. I find it very hard with them sometimes, I often get pulled down by my younger sister who can't understand why I don't want to go out getting drunk and having 'fun' and I until recently I found it really hard to 'let go' of some of the things they were saying to me, and forgive them. But then I went to a meeting, and the speaker wasn't talking on the topic of forgiveness, but before the meeting started he said he had it laid on his heart to talk about bitterness, and forgiveness. He reminded us of how much God has to forgive us all the time for little things we do, but the thing that spoke to me most was how he said that being offended was a choice. Someone can choose to be offended, and so also one can choose not to be offended. It's easier to be offended sometimes, especially when someone's swearing at you, or mocking you for your beliefs, or etc. But it's just a choice. It's much harder to choose not to be offended than it is to be offended, but I've really been working on making the choice not to be offended when people purposely try to upset me, or mock me etc. In that meeting I let a lot of bitterness go that had been building up against my siblings - because I was finding it easy to get really upset at the way they were treating me. It was nice to let it all go, and now although it can be really hard sometimes, I make the choice not to be offended when they upset me. It doesn't always work, but by God's grace it has really been helping me. In the end, all you can pray is that they will see God shine through you, in-spite of their mockery, and it will be a witness to them.

I have a beautiful homeschooling Mother as a friend, and sometimes I cry to her and tell her how alone I feel. It's such a horrible feeling, being lonely - not just being lonely but having people around you who just don't 'get' you, or mock you for being yourself. Thankfully I have my parents, but I still feel lonely at times, so it must be so much worse for you having no one there to chat to at home.

And don't worry about when you lose sight of Jesus for a moment and what He has done for you. The bible has so many promises, about Him never letting go of our hands, when we are faithless, He remains faithful. There are times in the scriptures when great men of God like Peter and David despaired - Paul even said once they despaired of life because of what was happening around them causing them trouble. If they despaired and lost site for a moment, you can be sure we will too. Thank God we have an awesome God who is so understanding, full of grace and merciful.

Some scriptures that have really helped me:









Love you, sister! Cast your burdens on Him, because He cares for you. xxxx

Thank you for your encouragement and the comforting Word of the Lord you've quoted for me And yes, you are wright in saying that we choose to be offended, even when mockeries are aimed at you ; with the help of God I shall work on that...

I pray that you will be able to put things right with your sisters; I am sure they have no idea how much they are hurting you (neither have my family) but family conflicts are always more violent and hurtful.

I can't say I know what you're going through, Sarai, as both my parents are Christians and have brought me up as so, but I do know a couple people who experienced somewhat of the same thing as you. (Actually, my mom is one of those people.) Anyway, I'm very sorry about what you're going through, and I wish there was something I could say to help besides that I'm praying for you and you are never alone. *hugs*