This isn't about age, or theology, or anything, but the actual ceremony.

I've noticed marriages in books I've read where the ceremonies look a lot, if not identical, like ours. Why is that? Many cultures have different marriage ceremonies. Why shouldn't our fantasy cultures have different ones as well?

Have you ever thought about this before? I only recently began to think about it, so I've begun put my thoughts to the marriages in Rhoronen.

What are the ceremonies in your cultures like? Or have you thought of them?

*laughs * this thread is perfect because I have been contemplating a marriage ceremony in my story recently (just ask poor Jonathan) and trying to figure out how a marriage would take place in my world. *watches and continues to think on her own *

Ooooh! This is exciting news.



Interesting question, Varon! I will have to work on this in Tevo, I haven't thought much about it up to now. I'll come back to this thread.

*Subscribes*

Maybe I should have put that in spoilers for you Betas.....

Well, I definitely would have clicked on it anyway.

*laughs * Well then, no harm done, I guess.

I'm glad I made myself get this posted then.

I've noticed the lack of development in this area as well...it's rather funny.

I have a great variety of ceremonies in my lands. The only thing that I absolutely require for it to be a valid marriage, not really a negotiable part of the ceremonies, is vows and witnesses, at least two. Other than that – I run with it. I thought of things from the husband and wife dumping water on each other's heads to candle dances. I need to think of some more, though.... * is reminded *

Yeah.

Vows are really the only thing I require they have as well, witnesses, I haven't decided about yet, because they all highly value keeping their word. To break an oath of that magnitude would be impossible to recover from, and would make the breaker a pariah. Most would have witnesses though.

I've definitely noticed the lack of development in this area when it comes to fantasy. It's fantasy after all. Shouldn't different worlds have different ceremonies amid their varying cultures?

I was actually just thinking about this for a book idea I'm working on. I wanted to do something different. I finally settled on something to fit both characters culture and status. It's between two winners of the annual summer games among young warrior trainees. The vows made were written on paper and at the bottom they were forced to sign while their trainers served as witnesses. These vows would be activated upon their twentieth birthdays. Technically they married since the age of ten, so it's sort of an arranged marriage with a twist.

That's an interesting way of doing it.

I have one written up for Rhoronen culture, but it may take me a while to get it up.

In one of my cultures, marriage isn't a ceremony exactly...

The bride's family throws as large a party as they can afford, with as many people as possible, and waaaay too much food.

And during the party there is dancing, and the bride and groom dance together a very long, intricate dance that is supposed to symbolize the stages of married life.

In the background, along with the drums that keep the beat, the holy man (or in this case an official in the pay of the Emperor) chants blessings and compliments on them in the old language.

When they are done dancing, they are man and wife.

If the dance went smoothly, it is a good omen. If it didn't...not so much.

That is an interesting premise, Willow.

You know... I thought this over in the past, but haven't yet come to a place where I need a marriage... don't have too many marriages either xD (the one I can think of the couple ends up getting married without the girl's father's permission, so not sure if it will be like a normal wedding anyway, heheheeee ). I'd have fun reseaching different types of wedding ceremonies though! *should do some write up about that sometime*

You should, Villi!

A good place to draw inspiration for fantasy wedding customs would be to look at some more obscure earth cultures. Does anyone have any sources for studying different marriage customs that already exist?

*is researching such things for a blog post* Which means I shall share my findings

Wikipedia. Or Google. Or other encyclopedias, I think. I don't know any others.

I like looking at weddinggawker.com for just cute ideas about weddings, some of the more obscure ideas I have documented for future use in my stories.

I think Jewish weddings look like a blast. But then, I've only seen them in movies...


In my Biotech/Sci Fi, the main culture is pretty much obsessed with 'Mechanism Philosophy', which means they don't believe in connections and relationships between people. If two people get married, it's based on 'genetic favorability', so it's pretty much arranged betrothal by the 'collective'. Marriage ceremonies will begin with signing digital documents with finger prints and DNA. Everyone dresses up and does a march through the space station halls.

On Earth (where people are not emotionally dead ), there will be an exchange of vows. It might be cool to have the bride and groom shoot flaming arrows through a ring at the end. Maybe I'll have to find something else to add...



Great thread! Definitely an interesting one to keep an eye on.

Great premise, Jess! I love it, and in the context it makes perfect sense.

As for me, I haven't given much consideration to the subject. Thankfully, I didn't have any marriages for this series, so I'm off the hook. But I'll think on it long and hard for my next series.

I don't have any either, but it's still an important part of the culture because it helps show and express what the culture values.

This is very true, Varon.

Ya'll have some intriguing ideas here!

I was thinking... One of my major forests is inhabited by the Wood People. (Name still undecided. I hate calling them that, but they haven't suggested any new ones yet.) Anyways, these people are small, wiry, and basically uneducated savages. There are a bunch of rivers and streams running through their territory, so I was wondering if tossing the bride and groom into the water would be a realistic 'ceremony'. Maybe one of the stronger rivers or something, so they have to work together to get out again. What do you think?


Dumping water over each other's heads? I think that's my favorite of the ideas I've seen in here. I would totally do that at my wedding! *Plots*

I've been thinking about my world's wedding ceremonies quite a bit, even though it won't play into my story. So far, I have ideas for the merrow (mermaids) and rylle (reptilian humanoids).

Merrow are more interested in platonic love than romantic love, so weddings are not seen as particularly important. The bride and groom exchange necklaces of flowers, dance quickly, and are done.

Rylle, however, are hopeless romantics. A traditional rylle wedding will include the bride getting locked up, perhaps in a tower, and the groom "rescuing" her. Preferably, there will be dramatic music, relatives of the bride challenging the groom to swordfighting matches, relatives of the groom throwing things at the bride, and for the very rich, perhaps a fake volcano, just to add atmosphere. The more elaborate and theatrical it is, the more everyone enjoys it. The parents of the groom give out snacks to the audience. The vows are said, the priest and the parents bless the marriage, and the ceremony concludes as the happy couple rides off into the sunset.

I need to think of ceremonies for the other cultures. All I know is that a lot of them involve arranged marriages, and very few people get as elaborate (insane?) as the rylle.

This. Is. Awesome.

Quite.

That sounds like a bit of an expensive process. Do the poorer Rylle throw less elaborate weddings, or do they simply wait until they've saved enough to do it properly?
It also sounds like it takes quite a bit of time, in medieval agrarian situations, an entire day away from work would be a big deal, so how do they schedule them? Do they maybe wait and have several weddings on the same day?

I recently wrote the wedding ceremony in my book, and was so happy with how it turned out.

Those are really good questions which had not crossed my mind. There are no weddings in my current story, and my characters' Rylle acquaintances are wealthy lords and ladies. Poorer Rylle live further south, and do perform less elaborate ceremonies, although the idea of the adventure and the play is still there. The wedding itself does not take all day, but planning and preparations will take a long time. Most people schedule the ceremony to take place on a holy day, when there's more free time.

I've only really developed marriage customs in my country Lukok, though I know that in Thomorai marriage partners traditionally pierce their ears. (So you could imagine how alarmed Thomoraiis would be to see young girls with pierced ears, or, even worse, multiple piercings!) Marriage ceremonies in Lukok are kind of...bloody. The mother of the bride and father of the groom preside over the ceremony. First, the bride gives the groom a dagger and says "I give you all power of life and death over me," or in Lukokish, "Nïvet krödï, ekeşusönï ëäns nïenet kîesdï nïemönet kîesdï meve dikçë enêru." The groom responds, "I accept your gift of love in love," or "Enêleruemït jäenes kîesej meve dirê enêru kones kekeok." Then he gives the dagger to his father, who says, "People of Lukok and God of that which is known and that which is unknown, witness this gift," or "Meoï Lükok kîesëz, Keşun jäveleş kîesëz jänuveleş kîesëz, di veş veşre ärv enêleru." He then kills a small animal called a cashewt using this dagger, to seal the promise. Then the groom gives the bride another dagger with the same words, and she gives the same response, and gives it to her mother, who says the same words as the groom's father and kills another cashewt.

Finally the two parents join the couple's hands together and put blood from the two cashewts on them, and then another person brings a bowl of water and the couple washes each other's hands in it. After this the couple are considered married, and they usually have a celebration that's a bit more cheerful. When the bride and groom finally reach their house after all the celebrations, they splash the bowl of water they washed their hands in over the doorstep, saying, "People of Lukok and God of that which is known and that which is unknown, remember these gifts." Unfortunately, I never translated that line into Lukokish and my dictionary is in another country, but it would sound pretty much the same as what the parents say.

The idea there is that the couple is letting their parents, in arranging the marriage, kill a part of themselves (the cashewts) - their independence, their freedom, their right to their own life. But then the husband and wife will help and support each other, and so ease the weight of the power they have over each other (the handwashing). It's actually rather Christian now that I think about it; it sounds a bit like salvation.

Wedding ceremonies are fun because you can have a mixture of awesome symbolism, random customs and superstitions, and just fun ways to celebrate. I'd love to hear about anyone else's! And, like everybody else, I love the Rylle ceremony. I have heard about real-world cultures that stage a bride kidnapping for a wedding ceremony...that would also be fun to include!

Some pretty awesome wedding ceremonies here. I especially like sheesania's. It has so much symbolism, just like a real-world wedding has, and yet is so completely different that it's a really great way to recast something so familiar in a way that has a lot of meaning and life.

I haven't (regrettably) developed very different wedding ceremonies. The one I have for Khartur is a mild change from a real-world ceremony. Nothing exciting to talk about there.

But when I'm developing wedding ceremonies, I will definitely come here and put up whatever I thought of.

Areth,

Karthmin