Hmmm... well, if they are a controlled person who still wants to show they are upset, they might act polite. That's what my family does. Acts quiet, and sort of coldly polite. I remember seeing one person upset at a comment, and all they said was: "Come right back here and apologize to me for that." And they did come back and apologize.
When I am mad, I want to physically grab them. But of course, you're going to regret that.
Now, I would imagine that guys would be more likely to respond physically.
I'm really interested to see what the rest of ya'll say! This should be fascinating!

Interesting thread, Lady E.

How, in your experience, does a person show anger? Annoyance? Uncontrollable fury? Do they smash things? Do they curse and stomp around? Do they sit silent and give you cold glares every once in a while?

I think that people show anger in different ways. Some may show it loudly by smashing things, physically harming or verbally abusing; but I think the people with a cold, silent anger are more dangerous and scary than the loud angry ones. Although someone who was physically abusive when angry would be scary.

What could trigger varying levels of anger?
Betrayal, jealousy, hurt feelings, a small disagreement, a bereavement, grief.

What tactics have you found for displaying anger realistically?

I think when people get angry, normally, it can be very loud at first. They talk angrily, maybe shout, but then after if they haven't sorted it they coldly ignore each other. For the more loud angry person that is how I'd display it. If someone goes quiet when they're angry it would be more like a silent, cold, ominous silence. No talking, just maybe a smoldering look. However, sometimes people get physically abusive when they're angry, but I think that's the more really quick tempered character, nice and quiet one minute, snaps into a temper and then just as quickly snaps out of it.

How long does it last?
It all depends, you might be really angry but carry on talking and then things tend to get sorted faster, because you're working on sorting it out. If it's been a build up of anger over time and there is no restoration or attempt to sort through things, then it could last years, months or even a life time, which is very sad of course.

What are the after effects?
Either the people who argued will solve it and draw closer together, or they won't solve it and be pushed further apart. I suppose they might seem to have sorted it on the surface but their relationship is never the same again?

How, in your experience, does a person show anger? Annoyance? Uncontrollable fury? Do they smash things? Do they curse and stomp around? Do they sit silent and give you cold glares every once in a while?

I'm going to use my brother and I as examples since we display our anger in completely different ways.

Example #1 - Calen: I tend to lose my temper faster than my brother, Caldera. When he irritates me I lash out with my mouth. I will scold, yell, rant, and hiss at him. (I hiss when I'm trying to be quiet.) ;3 Sometimes I throw things at him like pillows, but that's usually a mix of annoyance and teasing. Other times I resort to my journal to privately fume about whatever is bothering me.

Example #2 - Caldera: Caldera is a Type B personality compared to my Type A. It's rare for my brother to be expressively upset. It's usually after something persistently bugs him that he blows a fuse. Sometimes he'll give a warning that he's upset either by voicing that warning or glaring. Rather than using his words (at least on me) he uses his physical strength. He'll grab my roughly by the wrist/arm, chase me through the house, and target my pressure points. Every once in a while he'll speak with strong emotion at me (or whoever he's upset with.) He's not one to shout. (He just raises his voice.) Other instances he'll just stew alone in his room.

What could trigger varying levels of anger?

Quoting Elanor on this. I'll also add misunderstandings.

How long does it last?
Depending on the situation, (coming from my personal experience), it blows off shortly after whatever argument took place. If feelings were hurt it can be days. As Elanor said, some people hold onto their anger for years.

What are the after effects?
With my brother and I, we go back to how we normally act or bicker or provoke each other again. (Keep in mind, this has been happening less since I turned 18.) Other times if I get in a disagreement with my parents we just aren't as talkative as usual.

I yell. But that's just selfish annoyance and frustration. When I'm truly, truly angry I stop talking. If someone has wronged me I'll stop talking to them altogether. If I do have to say something I'm as short and crisp as is possible. If I have to interact with someone who I'm angry with I resort to being absolutely polite.

Flying into a rage seems to just be a way of showing how immature and out of control you are most times. Wanting to break things is usually a symptom of my computer not working, rather than actually being angry.

How, in your experience, does a person show anger?

I heard a talk on anger, and it said that the three 'masks' anger wears are: spewer, stuffer, leaker. (my family is mostly stuffers and leakers)

Spewers want to get physical, may yell, repeat things. They tend to blow up, then are often very sorry for how they've acted.

Stuffers often won't even realize they are angry for quite awhile. They tend to make excuses for other people's behavior. (Well, she must be having a bad day...) Then things build up, and they may become depressed or finally blow their fuse.

Leakers tend to 'get back' at people in (often) seemingly innocent ways. (Oops, I forgot that thing you asked me to do... ) They also employ sarcasm, and may be frigid towards the person they are angry at.

What could trigger varying levels of anger?

That depends very much on the character of the person.

What tactics have you found for displaying anger realistically?

Here are my ideas:
Let the reader know what the character is thinking/feeling, rather than simply telling what he/she does. Example...



Vary how you handle types of anger. Annoyance can be subtle, disguised; resentment smolders and may lash out when stirred up; some anger may be mixed with fear.



How do you deal with anger spiritually? What does it feel like physically? How long does it last? What are the after effects?

Certain types of anger can be scary. When that happens, you get a surge of 'fire', and may do something rash. I've done this before. Then the minute I do the rash thing (like shove somebody) all my anger melts away, as if it was scared of the consequenses.

Other types of anger are more subtle, and usually last until the offense is forgotten or the root problem is ironed out.

Spiritually, you say 'I'm sorry. Help me do better next time.'

After effects can be a heightened awareness of anger in self, concern over what to do with anger, guilt over actions, wondering if your anger is just, wondering how to handle anger toward people you don't interact with (someone who stole your purse).

How, in your experience, does a person show anger?
I yell first. I have patience with most people, but with my brother or my sisters, I yell. I also lash out physically. I'm calmer now than I used to be, but let me describe. I used to slap almost as soon as I yelled. I would get angrier and angrier until I jut started lashing out basically blindly. Now, it takes something really cruel for me to get that violent. I also, sometimes, if it was something cruel, get so mad I start to cry.
What could trigger varying levels of anger?
Anything from annoyance to hurt feelings to hormones. Bad day + hormones = very touchy me.
What tactics have you found for displaying anger realistically?
Depending on the character of the person, I do show their reaction and their thoughts. It's harder to show thoughts when your character is really angry, though, unless you're really angry too. I have noticed that feeling the emotion while you write it proves very realistic. However, with something like murderous rage... bad idea.
How do you deal with anger spiritually? What does it feel like physically? How long does it last? What are the after effects?
Physically, it can feel like power, or, on the flip side, you can feel helpless. It depends on the person. Usually, after I act on my anger, or even if I'm just mad, I feel tired. I'm also on a a short fuse after the first time in a day. Spiritually, I feel really guilty afterwords, but when I'm angry, I'm just... angry. Nothing else, except maybe hurt. I agree that anger can be scary, especially afterwords when you realise what you've done. Then you wonder, what could happen if I don't fix this?

*thinks* I very rarely get angry. I just get annoyed. Only two things can really anger me. 1) an affront to my center of pride. 2) my being absolutely stupid. (Generally they go together. )

I think one of the most common causes of anger is an affront to pride, because pride is essentially competitive. I remember reading a book by A W Tozer that explained pride, and how different people had different 'centers' of pride... one aspect of their lives/themselves that they're more than usually proud of. One person this might be their looks... another person's pride might be in their intellect. The latter is me. *winces* If someone comes out with a like... 'you've been conditioned' or something that suggests an insult to my intelligence, there's a deep flare inside that makes me want to cry and yell at the same time. It used to be hard for me to accept that I've been wrong in some matter of intelligence etc as that's the center of my pride.

Take Oedipus in Sophocles play Oedipus Rex. His pride was in himself and in the power he held. When anyone flaunts his authority, tries to slip around it or doesn't do exactly as he says almost before he says it he blows it. Creon, his brother-in-law, has a different kind of pride. Pride in his honour. He gets angry mainly when his precious name is smirched... although he cares more for what he thinks of himself than others think of him.

As for 2)... generally when I do (or say) some ridiculous thing... and often when that pride has got the better of me, I get enormously angry at myself. Its a heavy, dark feeling that's kind of coupled with shame/embarrassment. Generally I write a bit on it, which helps, and then try to get over it so that I don't work myself up and it doesn't stop me from keeping on working effectively.

*tosses up whether should post*

*thinks it might help someone... perhaps*

*posts*



*flees*

That's helpful, Cassandra, at least for me. What you mentioned about pride is thought-provoking...I'll have to give some thought to that Thanks for bringing it up!

eru

I think that is a very good point, Cassandra! *nod nods * Sinful Anger can almost always be linked back to pride, I think.

I will be the gear turner for a moment here, though. Has anyone thought about righteous anger? Not all anger is bad. After all, the Bible talks about Christ having righteous anger. Think about the time when He over turned the money tables, or when He called the Pharisees a brood of vipers.

Not all anger is bad. Most of it is. We allow sin to taint our passionate emotions. However, how do we react in righteous anger, and what is the difference between righteous anger, and the anger which we have focused on, in this thread?

(has an answer but wants to see what others say)

Thanks eru.

Awesome point, Airianna. I think that the difference between righteous and sinful anger is the cause, and how we express it. Take Jesus' turning over the tables in the temple. We are told that He looked around the temple, went to Bethany for the night, then came to Jerusalem again in the morning, wept over the city (Luke 19), then returned in the morning and swept it clean(Mark 11:11-17) [Unsure about the order, but this seems the most likely]. God is slow to anger, angered only justly (by sin and its consequences) and never lets Himself get carried away.

I believe its important to realize that God isn't only angry at sin, but by its consequences. I've read that when Jesus was by Lazarus' tomb, the verse that reads '[Jesus] groaned in the spirit, and was trouble', could be accurately translated that He was both grieved and terribly angry. Grieved at sin because it had separated man and God... angry because it had caused such destruction.



God is angered because He is Holy, and He is Love.

Thoughts?

*grins * I agree, That is one of the points I whould have brought up. Thank you, Cassandra.

*nods*

*anticipates subsequent posts*

Anger is something I don't deal with as often as things like sadness or worry. I'm normally a pretty laidback person. When I snap at my family, it's usually for a different reason.

There have been a few times though. Once, for several months, there was this person who was hurting me and a few of my good friends at the time. I kind of brushed it off each time, thinking, "Well, she'll stop now; she'll never do it again", and then each time she'd turn around and do the same thing.

Finally I got fed-up. I was furious. To my family, it just seemed like I was annoyed--I'd snap at them, complain about whatever it was I was supposed to be doing, and sigh a lot. Sometimes I'd sit silent and just glare down at the table or the floor or my bed.

My reaction was to send the girl an email, telling her off and warning her not to speak to me or any of my friends again. I didn't get a reply till several weeks later, and the reply was just a simple 'ok'. I have no idea if she listened.

How I felt inside while being that angry... it was kind of this warm feeling inside of me, like an ember or coal burning inside, slowly eating away at me. I know it sounds cliched, but that's what it felt like to me.

There are other times when I go into hysterics, because I'm angry and I'm upset about other things all at the same time. My brother likes to taunt me about my friends, and that's something I refuse to put up with.

One time, I was extremely scared and upset because of something that had happened to one of my friends. My brother made some sort of... unkind remark, and coupled with my fear, the anger made me explode. I kept screaming at him to shut up, and shoving him around. My aunt was staring at us, knocked speechless for once and unsure of what to do. My dad had to come and yank me away.

I can't quite recall how I felt then; I think something inside just snapped, and I was thinking, "I'm not putting up with this" and just went mad.

If he makes a different sort of remark about my friends, one that's not as cruel as the one he made then, I usually get angry but--being the older one that my mom looks to for help--just push it down and make a point of ignoring him the rest of the day.

My anger usually lasts from a day or so to several weeks, depending on what happened and the scale of the anger. Shockingly enough, the anger that made me go hysterical on my brother only lasted for the better part of a day--12 hours perhaps. Then it kind of just gave way to the sadness and fear I felt before he got me angry.

The other time however... the one with that girl who was hurting me and my friends... I was angry for about four months. Sure, I'd be able to distract myself at times, but as soon as I thought about her, I began snapping at people and hiding away in my room so I wouldn't get in trouble for snapping at people.

And... yeah, that's about it.

Yeah, there's this interesting aspect of anger, that sometimes it builds up inside you, until something seemingly small makes you explode. This happened to me a lot when I was younger.

These days, when I get angry, I just stomp around a bit, slam some things, then go cry until the anger drains away.