[Sir Emeth walks slowly into the assembly, a tremble in his step and a grim stoniness in his eyes. Slowly he draws a sword, bejeweled and flashing and lays it on the ground. His knees hit the earth and tears roll down his cheeks. His voice begins quietly at first then strengthens as it goes on]

Greetings in the name of Christ.

My friends, I told you before of my present trial, and of my past. It was hard, and thank you... from the core of my soul, for your love, for your prayers, for your continued friendship and trust that is in Christ in you.

This time I come to you with a hard message. Hard to give, hard to bear.

I was very open with you in my description in my post. Everything I said was true. Yet one thing I said was misleading, and that is what I am here about today. I told you that I was charged with a crime and that I was innocent. This was not the whole truth. If I had said more or less than that, I might not have to be saying this. Regardless, more needs to be said. I have struggled with many questions within myself that have led me to this decision. The question of what the truth really is has haunted me for the last year and a half, and I still have not come to a definite conclusion. But I’ve figured enough of it out, for this letter at least. Some say I have deceived or lied to you. I leave it in your hands to decide that. If I have, it was not out of a lying heart, but fear, fear of what you might think. Afraid of the costs. I am too human, and I have let my flesh sway me in this.

Did I make a mistake in that? Yes. Did I hide some things? Yes. But not all hiding is lying, and I believed I had no choice. I also believed it did not require a confession. Both thoughts were wrong and I am sorry. Then the struggle became harder. Everything screamed in me to wait until it was safer to open this up. Because I know the courts can and will use this against me--twist it and distort it into a noose for my destruction. I’ve seen it happen to many others. I am killing, with my own hand, my future and all I hold dear. I trust God to help me. Many of you may call me foolish or insane.

Are my accusations false? No, not wholly. They are exaggerated, added to, extrapolated, assumed, and held against me without any reliable evidence. But there is a core of truth. I did do some things which were horribly wrong, and people reacted as if it was even worse, however that does not change that fact that I was in the wrong. What the family said I did is utterly false, and their understanding is false. But that doesn’t change the fact that I was one messed up kid and I have no desire to defend myself. I hurt people terribly, my parents, family and God. I was not... above reproach in my youth, to put it mildly.

Yet God is good, true and utterly merciful. I’m not what I was. My old man’s hands were stained, but now my hands are clean. People say the kind of mind that has done things that I have done cannot be changed, only controlled after years of therapy. That’s a lie, totally and utterly a lie. My sinful heart is not merely subdued and controlled.... it is transformed and cleansed! God has done the impossible and I am a new creature. My old man is dead, and I am free. I can see His glory casting away my darkness.

So if I did wrong, why do I plea not guilty? Because I am innocent of the charges, even if I am not innocent of all. When I say not guilty I mean it, and not just because I am cleansed spiritually. The charges are inaccurate inside and out. Any sentence I get would be injustice (legally speaking). People may disagree with that, but that is for them to decide. It is in God’s hands, and He has already given me His assurance.

I am coming to ask you for forgiveness for misleading you. The motive was out of fear. I didn’t and don’t want to be rejected. But I pray you will accept me. Will you have me for your friend? I do not demand any of you to trust me, I only ask for it in the name of Christ Jesus. I don’t deserve it, but he does. I am not a deceiver.

There is more I haven’t told you. But I will later.

I love you all so much, thank you for everything.

In the name of Christ and for his peace and mercy.

Sir Emeth Mimetes.

[Sir Emeth looks at everyone in the eye, then rises, leaving his sword behind]

Oh, Jay! If virtual hugs could be given, or sent through post...

I definitely need to mail my letter tomorrow.

I forgive you Jay, I am not surprised or offended, I realize how hard it is to confess, and I know how we can deceive ourselves. I will keep you as my friend and continue to recognize you as a brother in Christ (this is all assuming you get to read this someday soon)...I will continue to pray for you and that justice will be done (and ultimately that God's plan would be carried out!).

I must say again that I am deeply encouraged by your courageousness and strength in this situation, our God is so amazing! God bless you Jay.

Jay, I have done some things that I am ashamed of! My sister has also. Everyone has! You cannot say of one sin - Oh, that's far worse, my sin wasn't as bad as that one - because God views them all as equal. My sin is equal to your sin in God's eyes. What you did, in my opinion, is between you and God. I have no need to know what you did, God has forgotten it. He doesn't even remember what you did, he doesn't even slightly remember, it's not even a distant memory. It's completely forgotten, you are cleansed, you're a new creation.

I can completely understand why you were scared, and worried of being judged by people in a way that you should not be. We have no right, no right at all, to judge one man's cleansed sin.

I for one can forgive you completely; honestly, from your first letter, the message I got from it was that you had done something bad, but you hadn't done what they were accusing you of. So I don't think you were totally misleading.

We all fail, we are human. God doesn't expect us to be perfect. Hey, He died on the cross because He knew we would fail, and need to ask Him for forgiveness.

If you feel you have failed, then God forgives; you have a new slate, and He's forgotten the sin that you committed.

I got really angry a couple of months ago; we had a bad row, and I said something really bad - something I would never have imagined I could have said. The feeling of guilt I had after - I couldn't forget what an awful thing I had said. I couldn't forgive myself for a long time. Dad just smiled at me, and told me that Peter actually denied Christ in front of people, he said he didn't know Him, He turned his back on Christ, and yet Jesus never turned His back on Peter. My sin was something that weighed down on me, but Christ died to set me free from that. Jesus cleanses everything. I don't even have to think of what I did then, of what I said, because Jesus has forgotten I said it, as soon as I begged His forgiveness.

We all fail, we all fall, but Jesus never turns His back from us.

You have been such a blessing to me through all this, Jay. God has used you in my life in ways that you couldn't even know. I am grateful for your love for Christ, and for your dedication to the word, and to praying etc.

God bless you! I will keep praying for you and your family.

I count you as a friend and brother, Jay, and your courage in writing this letter is inspiring to me. I haven't stopped praying since the beginning, and I won't stop now. We've all sinned, just as Elanor sinned, I've done horrible things worthy of death, and so has everyone else. I don't see you as any different, because God doesn't.

I know you can't read this right now, but I am praying peace and strength for you, and for God's will. May He bless you.

"Let him who is without sin cast the first stone."

There is nothing to forgive, Jay. Courage is acting in spite of one's fears and you have done this here. Stay strong, brother.

*smiles* Sir Emeth, thank you so much. Thank you. That must have been so, so hard to do, but you did it by the grace of God.

Please, never again feel like you have to hide anything from us. As I'm sure you've found out, misleading people only makes the problem ten times worse than it would have been.
I forgive you.

Thank you Jay, I understand. And I pray for you.

*shrug* I forgave him even back when I heard everything secondhand (or, more like third, 'cause somebody told my father and my father told me...) and believed the charges against him. I'm just glad he really is innocent of these charges.

*smiles* There is nothing to forgive, Jay.

*smiles softly*

You didn't deceive us, Jay. I think, from your first letter, we all knew--or guessed--you were ashamed of something related to all this, and we understand. We've all sinned. We've all been forgiven. And your courage in returning in this second letter is a blessing and an incredible example. There is honestly nothing for us to forgive.

Stay strong.

Very well said, Cassandra.

*nods agreement*

I've said it elsewhere, and I'll say it again. I forgive you entirely, Jay. I admire you for having the courage to tell us. I am praying for you, brother!

Jay, we are all praying for you.
There is nothing to forgive, you are innocent in God's eyes, and that is good enough for me.

Jay, there was nothing to forgive. God has made you a new person, and since you were long forgiven in God's sight, you have been long forgiven in mine.

Jay,

You have nothing to apologize about to me. You have been up front with me about your past from day one, and I, a stranger to you from across the internet, knowing this, chose to love you then even as I, and the others, do now.

All can see that I am the third person to join Holy Worlds. Click on Members above and you will see this is true. And I did so in full knowledge of your past. You have nothing to hide, Jay. All of us walk in newness of life before God, undeserving of His grace, undeserving of His love, and yet given mercy and love despite our sin.

And everyone should know this—that although Jay did not confide in everyone, yet he confided in those who needed to know, and those whom he chose to stand beside him. I don't know why Jay chose to confide in me, yet he did, and I hope there has been some profit from it for him as I have counseled him and helped as much as I could. I know there has been profit for me.

Jay has not been alone before in this, nor is he now. All should know that Jay is a man of painful honesty and painful purity, and we can do nothing less than to stand beside him at this time of his trial.

-Robert

Very, very well put.

As far as I'm concerned there's nothing to forgive, Jay.

Praying for you. God bless.

I agree.
23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, Romans 3:23

Oh, Jay. You're forgiven.

Well said. You are forgiven.

I'm new to HW, and my fellow HWers have been very helpful in informing me of all the goings-on. At first, I thought, How terrible. But considering all your newfound witnessing opportunities, it isn't so bad. Of course, it is terrible and sad, but it would be much worse, I think, for someone who doesn't have God always with him, and hundreds of people praying for him. You're fortunate in that sense. When you feel yourself getting sad or depressed, just remember you have a gigantic family in Christ behind you.

Amen!

I don't think it was deceitful anyway, for it was true. Proud of you for telling us that there are more details, Jay, but you were not deceiving us. Keep standing strong, for God is your Savior, and your bretheren are praying on your behalf.

~Aisha

Thank you for that, Mr. Treskillard.

Thank you Treskillard, your post encouraged me greatly. I should have posted that sooner.

Acts 23
1 And Paul, earnestly beholding the council, said, Men [and] brethren, I have lived in all good conscience before God until this day.

Look at Paul's trial. We all know that the sins he committed were far worse than Jay could have done if he tried. Yet when he was accused of what he did not do he said, earnestly, I am innocent.

What Jay did before has nothing to do with this trial, even if Jay had never repented of what he did or never been punished for it. Jay has spoken of what he did to many people, far more than he ever needed.

I understand that Jay is under stress, and I honor the courage he has in doing this. There is nothing to forgive, except those who have spoken evil of him.

I have taken far too long to post this, mainly because it is hard for me to tell what I should and should not say. I must be careful because this letter puts me in a fell mood.

*embraces my brother *

I forgive you for thinking evil of yourself.

Jay you are absolutely forgiven! I haven't been here long, but you'll be in my prayers!

You're a good brother, Patrick.