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 Post subject: Subliminal - About a girl who came out of a metal box
PostPosted: October 11th, 2011, 4:59 pm 
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I don’t have a mother; I came from a cold metal box. I remember when it opened and I crawled out. Everything burned me, nothing made sense—I knew nothing so I curled up and waited. I waited a very long time in that silent place, so long that I fell asleep and woke up six times, but I never moved. It hurt too much to move, and besides I had no reason to move.

I slept a seventh time, and then I woke to voices. I didn’t understand them when it all happened, but now in my memory I hear them and I know what they said.

“A girl, sir, looks about nine or ten years old.” This was the man who knelt by me.

“In the vault? How’d she get in there?” The other voice sounded small and mechanic—it came out of a little black thing on the man’s collar.

“I think…she’s always been in here.” He touched me and I cried, because his hand was so hot it burned me.

“Don’t be daft, Jett,” said the other voice. “That’s an airtight sealed vault.”

Jett took off his jacket and lifted me up. I just cried cold tears that froze on my cheeks, while he put the jacket around me. It hurt so much but I was helpless.

“The Sacred Box of Cryonic Chamber is open, sir.” He picked me up and stared for a bit at the box I crawled out of; I kept crying cold tears that froze on my cheeks. “Sir, the girl is unclothed and her skin feels like ice. I think she came out of the box.”

“Impossible! The box has been sealed for a thousand years. Nobody has ever been able to open it.”

“You’d better come have a look at it for yourself, sir.”

A lot more happened that I don’t remember so well, but in the end, they figured out the truth about me and the box. In the end, I warmed up and things didn’t burn me anymore, and my tears didn’t freeze. In the end, Jett took care of me and I learned to walk, to speak, and all the other things that normal people do.

My name is Larken, and I’m not normal. I’m the girl who came out of a cold metal box that fell from the sky a thousand years ago.


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 Post subject: Re: Subliminal - About a girl who came out of a metal box
PostPosted: October 11th, 2011, 5:26 pm 
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Oh oh oh!!!!! Is there more?!!!!! I really want to know more! This sounds cool. :D

Poor Larken. :(

A thousand years ago? :shock: She's really old, however she got in there!

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 Post subject: Re: Subliminal - About a girl who came out of a metal box
PostPosted: October 11th, 2011, 5:35 pm 
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I love it, Luke! Really, really. Are you planning to expand this? Or is it just a short story?

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All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king

J. R. R. Tolkien


My favourite quote: "God will give His kindness for you to use when your own runs out."

Pippin's Waggy Tales

Autumn Leaves


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 Post subject: Re: Subliminal - About a girl who came out of a metal box
PostPosted: October 11th, 2011, 5:36 pm 
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This is a novel. That's just the beginning, the prologue.


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 Post subject: Re: Subliminal - About a girl who came out of a metal box
PostPosted: October 11th, 2011, 5:46 pm 
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Ok, so what is it going to be about, have you decided what the story line is etc, what parts are you wanting to develop or have you not expanded beyond this yet?

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All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king

J. R. R. Tolkien


My favourite quote: "God will give His kindness for you to use when your own runs out."

Pippin's Waggy Tales

Autumn Leaves


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 Post subject: Re: Subliminal - About a girl who came out of a metal box
PostPosted: October 11th, 2011, 5:52 pm 
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I've figured out the backstory and how she ended up there and some of the situation in the world of the story. The backstory I want to keep quiet since it'll be a major plot revelation in the book. The dystopian world is what needs to be developed...and I have not read much dystopian fiction.


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 Post subject: Re: Subliminal - About a girl who came out of a metal box
PostPosted: October 11th, 2011, 5:59 pm 
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Dystopian world - does that mean, like, a repressive social control system? Er yes, I googled it, hehe, just making sure I found the right thing. :rofl:

Yes, I'm having a problem with my story like that; I have so many questions I'd love to ask opinions on, but then it would ruin the main story. :P

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All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king

J. R. R. Tolkien


My favourite quote: "God will give His kindness for you to use when your own runs out."

Pippin's Waggy Tales

Autumn Leaves


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 Post subject: Re: Subliminal - About a girl who came out of a metal box
PostPosted: October 11th, 2011, 6:02 pm 
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It's not just dystopian, either. It's post-apocalyptic dystopian sci-fi fantasy...


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 Post subject: Re: Subliminal - About a girl who came out of a metal box
PostPosted: October 11th, 2011, 6:05 pm 
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It sounds complicated!

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All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king

J. R. R. Tolkien


My favourite quote: "God will give His kindness for you to use when your own runs out."

Pippin's Waggy Tales

Autumn Leaves


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 Post subject: Re: Subliminal - About a girl who came out of a metal box
PostPosted: October 11th, 2011, 6:12 pm 
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When you have a little girl coming out of a thousand year old box labeled 'Cryonic Chamber', time paradoxes, multiple worlds, alternate dimensions, blurry lines between the good guys and the bad guys...in other words, when you take inspiration from Firefly, Doctor Who, Ted Dekker, and Jeffrey Overstreet, you end up with quite an unusual story. :P


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 Post subject: Re: Subliminal - About a girl who came out of a metal box
PostPosted: October 11th, 2011, 6:20 pm 
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:shock: * wants to read this novel *


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 Post subject: Re: Subliminal - About a girl who came out of a metal box
PostPosted: October 11th, 2011, 6:21 pm 
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That's the idea. :D


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 Post subject: Re: Subliminal - About a girl who came out of a metal box
PostPosted: October 12th, 2011, 4:00 am 
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So what is post-apocalyptic dystopian sci-fi fantasy basically like. :)

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All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king

J. R. R. Tolkien


My favourite quote: "God will give His kindness for you to use when your own runs out."

Pippin's Waggy Tales

Autumn Leaves


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 Post subject: Re: Subliminal - About a girl who came out of a metal box
PostPosted: October 12th, 2011, 4:30 am 
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Basically...it's not really our world (fantasy); it has advanced technology, or at least remnants of it from the past, plus space travel (sci-fi); a while before the story started, a disaster wiped out most of the world (post-apocalyptic); and the people who remained grew into a worldwide nation with lots of problems (dystopian).


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 Post subject: Re: Subliminal - About a girl who came out of a metal box
PostPosted: October 14th, 2011, 12:48 am 
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Here's the topic where I'll post the story as I write it: viewtopic.php?f=116&t=4658


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