A Tad Bit Confusing...

Bethany Faith · **Joined:** January 27th, 2011, 2:13 pm **Posts:** 3226

Hello! (Wow...I haven't started a thread in, like, a week... *gasp*)

So, I'm writing a book.

And I need to write a scene through a specific character's eyes (or in her POV) but it sounds kind of confusing when I start writing it. See this specific character can see things that the other characters cannot and I want to show that without telling it because I think that would take away from the dramatic feel I'm going for. Also, she cannot hear (I probably just gave away what character I'm taking about, but whatever. :rofl:

) so anything doing with sound wouldn't work...or speech...

Anyways, I don't usually sit there and ponder about what POV I'm writing in (weird...I know. :roll:

), but I can't seem to figure this scene out.

I was curious if any HWer out there had any ideas.

*looks at post* And...if you need more info than what I just gave you, you can ask.

Thanks for reading!

Bethany Faith

Varon · **Posted:** June 28th, 2011, 1:50 pm

Possibly a limited 3rd PPOV that might or might not be able to see into a character's mind.

Aragorn · **Joined:** September 23rd, 2010, 3:42 pm **Posts:** 9085

She won't be surprised by the unusual things she sees, since they will be "normal" to her, so you could try describing the unusual things she sees the same as any other thing that she sees.

Third or first person point of view should work about equally well, though if the rest of the book is in third person, you might want to stick with that.

Or were you wanting another character's observations of how the girl acts due to her ability to see things others cannot?

Bethany Faith · **Joined:** January 27th, 2011, 2:13 pm **Posts:** 3226

The book is written in third person and I don't do all that well writing in first person, so the scene will, most likely, be in third person too.

Jonathan Garner wrote:

Or were you wanting another character's observations of how the girl acts due to her ability to see things others cannot?

I thought about doing that, but I don't know how well that would work. Also, I sort of want the reader to see what she's seeing...

Lady Eruwaedhiel · **Posted:** June 28th, 2011, 6:25 pm

You could try describing things abstractly in terms that seem strange to the reader. Something like Patricia McKillip's style, where she describes things without really describing them. It gives a feeling but not an exact portrayal of what's happening.

Patricia McKillip wrote:

Morgon considered. The gentle, rhythmic clop of hooves and the distant voice of the river sounded frail against the silence, which seemed impervious to any shout. He thought back to the previous night, trying to find again the source of inexhaustible energy, private and undefined, that had overwhelmed him to produce the silent shout. The sun, leaping from behind a bend in the road, suddenly showered his path with stars. The unbroken blue of the sky quivered with a great, soundless note. He drew a breath of the hidden sound and loosed a shout.
There was an answering shout from the mountains. For a second he listened to it without surprise. Then he saw Deth stop ahead of him; his face turned back in surprise. He dismounted, wrenched at the pack-horse's reins, and Morgon, suddenly placing the sound, slid off his horse and drew it to the wall of the cliff. He crouched flat beside it as the hiss and rattle of stones swept towards them, bounced on the road and down the slope.
The rumble shook through bare peaks and hidden forests. A boulder half the size of a horse struck the cliff edge above their heads, sailed lightly over them and flung itself down the slope towards the river, crushing a tree as it passed. Then the silence, regathered and locked into place, strained at their ears in triumph.
...He said after a moment, blankly, "That was stupid."

I don't know if that helped, but it was the best example of that kind of thing I could think of. (Excerpt from The Riddle-Master of Hed)

Camille Esther · **Joined:** March 10th, 2011, 5:28 pm **Posts:** 136

Okay... So Bethany, your problem is that you haven't been able to write from this character's point of view, and at the same time show that what she is seeing is not seen by the other characters? Did I get that right? Or is it the other way around, that you want to show what she is seeing without giving away that the others can't see it?

Once I know, I might be able to help. Might. We'll see.

Bethany Faith · **Joined:** January 27th, 2011, 2:13 pm **Posts:** 3226

Camille Esther wrote:

Okay... So Bethany, your problem is that you haven't been able to write from this character's point of view, and at the same time show that what she is seeing is not seen by the other characters? Did I get that right?

Yup! You got that right!

Camille Esther · **Joined:** March 10th, 2011, 5:28 pm **Posts:** 136

Okay, let me see... I'll just make up something here...

Thelma turned quickly at the motion. It was another one of those tortoise-like things, crawling onto the picnic blanket. It looked at her with one eye as it trundled across and grabbed the biggest donut from the plate, the donuts Marcie had made just for the picnic. Why didn't Marcie do anything? It wasn't like her to just let something steal her donuts. Thelma looked around the circle at everyone, as they moved their mouths and waved their hands around. Taking a deep breath, she grabbed Seth's arm and pointed to the donut plate, just as the creature was crawling away. Everyone looked at the plate and blinked, and still they didn't do anything. Were they blind? They didn't even look at the tortoise, they just looked at the plate! Finally Seth reached out and handed Thelma a donut. Obviously he didn't get it at all. Thelma shook her head and pointed after the tortoise, which was now almost to the edge of the picnic blanket. It had already eaten the donut it had taken. Then the strangest thing happened. The creature walked right through the picnic basket and disapeared! Thelma looked up and stared at Marcie and the others, but they had gone back to moving their mouths and their hands.

Hopefully, that makes sense. I couldn't think of an easier way to say it than in an example.

Bethany Faith · **Joined:** January 27th, 2011, 2:13 pm **Posts:** 3226

That was very helpful! Thank you, Camille!

Camille Esther · **Joined:** March 10th, 2011, 5:28 pm **Posts:** 136

You are welcome!

Did you like the paragraph? *giggles*

Bethany Faith · **Joined:** January 27th, 2011, 2:13 pm **Posts:** 3226

Camille Esther wrote:

Did you like the paragraph? *giggles*

Haha, yup! It was very well written.

Bethany Faith · **Joined:** January 27th, 2011, 2:13 pm **Posts:** 3226

Okay, so I wrote the scene...sometime yesterday, when I was sleepy. It's a rough draft so I shall warn you, my writing sounds terrible.

But you should be able to grasp the concept...anyways, here is how the scene turned out:

viewtopic.php?f=116&t=3507&p=72331#p72331

Camille Esther · **Joined:** March 10th, 2011, 5:28 pm **Posts:** 136

*reads scene*

Just as some advice, I notice you like to use the words 'small amount' (or something similar), fairly often. You might want to make note for when you revise.

Bethany Faith · **Joined:** January 27th, 2011, 2:13 pm **Posts:** 3226

Camille Esther wrote:

Just as some advice, I notice you like to use the words 'small amount' (or something similar), fairly often. You might want to make note for when you revise.

Haha, yeah... There's always stuff like that in my first draft.

I could probably work more on it so my poor betah readers don't have so much work.

A Tad Bit Confusing...

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