(I'm sorry for posting this in here, since it's probably the wrong place... I just didn't know where else to put it and wanted it to be seen. Lady Elanor, you are welcome to move it wherever you think best. )

*walks in quietly and reads note aloud*

So I’ve been wanting to write this for over a year, but I wasn’t ready until now.

All of you have been touched by the situation with Jay in some way--some of you very directly, some of you indirectly. And it’s the sort of thing that’s very hard to ignore, and even harder to know how to react and what to think.

Some of you know why Jay was coming here to the USA… to meet my family and I. And so you know that this is very personal to me in particular.

There a few things I’d like to explain, and a few thoughts I’d like to leave you with.

The first is why I am not in contact with Jay and haven’t been for over a year (and at the same time why I have not been around on Holy Worlds anymore). It was not because he was in prison, or because I didn’t love him anymore. It was a matter of obedience, both to my father and to God. I did NOT want to do it, but I did. At first, and for a very long time, it was half-hearted obedience, and I was always longing to have things back the way they used to be. Jay was a very close friend and brother, and I missed him.

However, recently a few things have come up that have showed me the wisdom of my Fathers, and have helped me to obey whole-heartedly. I do not know what the end will be, only that I am content to leave it with them.

There have been quite a few things about Jay that have reached my eyes, most of which have been negative.

I have considered these things and many others for a very long time; very seriously. And I still do not know exactly what to tell you--I knew Jay as well as anyone could have (At least online), and there are still things that confuse me about him. My conclusion has been that he is neither an angel or a demon--he is not as good as I thought he was, but is he also not as bad as some like to paint him.

But there is one thing I am confident of, and it is the power of God to change and know hearts. God knows where Jay’s heart now stands. I have prayed for Jay for more than three years; hard prayers. I trust that God is answering them. I only hope and pray that Jay will submit totally to God before it gets any harder.

It is easy to either excuse people’s sin or to exaggerate it and dwell on it. It is easy to point fingers at others and not see that the same sin lies within your own heart.

It is hard to lovingly and truthfully point out sin in a brother’s heart and genuinely plead for them to repent for God’s glory. It is hard to go on loving and hoping when it seems they do not, will not listen. It is hard to look at someone’s sin and recognize it in all its horror in your own heart, and then repent. It is hard… no, impossible, on our own. We need Christ.

And I ask--whatever your position is about Jay--that you ask God to search your own heart for wrong attitudes and for sins that have yet to be repented of, instead of focusing on Jay and his wrongs. I have done the same. It is a frightful experience in some ways, but oh, is it worthwhile.

I realize that some of you have been called to move on from Jay in some way, as I have been. Even still, I ask that you do not harden your heart. He has hurt some of you deeply; I realize that. He has done wrong by some of you; I understand. But he is our brother, and he is in a more difficult situation than we can even really imagine. Please, have a little grace.

So what now? How do we go on? I have struggled with this question more than most, I suppose, but yet there are probably a few others who feel it.

The conclusion God has brought me to is more or less to just go on serving Him as before; only now with a different heart. A heart that cares. A heart that knows deep pain and also knows of God’s goodness. A heart that trusts God.

Don’t dwell on Jay and this whole situation--but at the same time, do not completely forget him in his plight. Pray for him when you think of it.

And, above all, love God and seek to know Him more.

That is all I wanted to say. I hope… God uses it.

*curtsies and quietly slips out*

P.S. Just so as you all know, I sent this whole thing to my dad.

P.P.S.

More particularly about Holy Worlds... I was here when it was first taking off. Even though I haven't been around much at all for a long time, I still have a sort of Motherly feeling about it. And I wanted to say something about it, if you'll be so kind as to listen...

There is a lot about Holy Worlds that is very wonderful and is worth fighting for. I have watched over the years as friendships have been forged, worlds developed, and stories written. Many powerful connections have been made. The world needs a place like this.

But there is a sickness that has crept in; or maybe it would be more accurate to say that it has surfaced. It is a problem not only here, but everywhere there are people. I know it still lurks here from poking around for a few minutes.

It is two things specifically. Two things I know I struggle with, though God is gaining the victory. Two things I know Jay also struggles with. Two things I know you struggle with on one level or another.

Pride and dishonesty.

And the only way to beat them is with true humility and loving honesty.

I'm talking to you, now as you read this, and me as I write. Not the others.

Please, for the Glory of God, ask Him to help you grow in humility and honesty.

And then pray for the other members of this forum too. It is the only way.

I will be praying as well.

Aside from that and these posts, however, I will still not be active on Holy Worlds. God has me quite busy elsewhere (ask if you want details) right now.

*Offers a hug* Thank you so much for that, Daisy. I've missed you. <3

*Wanders off to think on what she said*

*hugs back* Aw, thank you. I've missed being around... <3

Thank you so much for those posts, Carissa. God has used them here, in me, and I'm sure He's using/going to use them in anyone who sees them. They are very helpful to me as I think through things...and it's always good and necessary to be pointed to Him again and again.

You're very welcome. I'm so glad.

Indeed it is.

Thankyou for this Carissa, how I've missed your gentle voice of wisdom around here. I bear Jay no ill-will for anything, regardless of what I think of his actions. I like how you said he is neither angel nor demon - indeed, he is human, and I think sometimes it's easy to exalt a position authority above their humanness, and that in turn, sets us up for unexpected disappointment.

What has been done, has been done, and we can't change it. All we can do is forgive and move on, and in moving on, do the best we can at what God has given us to do, and pray through it all. 1 Jn. 4:7

You're welcome. I am glad of that. And yes, that is often what happens... we have to be very careful of that.

I agree completely. Let it be so!

It was lovely to hear from you again, Carissa, especially with these encouraging words. Of course I miss you in green (although I'll admit it's partially from bias towards the rank ), but am also glad that God has given you a calling elsewhere. Thank you for keeping us in your mind and prayers, sugar!

Thank you very much for your thoughful post, Carissa. I might be the least personally involved with HW and its ups and downs of late, but that doesn't mean I cannot care. Thank you for your challenges and your continued prayers for HW. I can say-personally-that we appreciate them.

~Cae