Holy Worlds Christian Forum
https://archive.holyworlds.org/

The Author of My Soul
https://archive.holyworlds.org/viewtopic.php?f=37&t=4428		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  Rachel Newhouse [ September 18th, 2011, 10:08 pm ]
Post subject:  The Author of My Soul
This be a poem, written by me, separated for posting on the blog. Critique it, if you would be so kind. :D

Author of My Soul

Many men have held the pen,
Great works flown from their ink.
Twain, Kipling, the list goes on.
And yet these men have come and gone.
They live no more today.
But wait! You say.
Their works remain.
Yea, this may be.
But there is one far greater
Than any man on earth.
His work shall last for eternity.

His book was written by many men’s hands.
And yet it all holds true.
Divine touch is on every page,
Living letters for all mankind:
Me and you.
And yet, He has done more than this.
Yea, He’s authored more than words.
The earth is His work,
And all therein.
Judgment, grace, mercy –
These are His.
But behold, there is one work more.

The only story that can really change a life –
About a cross on Calvary,
A Man’s blood shed,
Innocent blood.
But that life would rise again.
Salvation’s story is its name.
The greatest work of all.

Yea, there is a better author
Than all the world can hold.
Heaven is His throne on high.
God is His name, and this my cry:
He is the author of my soul.
Author:  Airianna Valenshia [ September 18th, 2011, 10:39 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Author of My Soul
*still loves this *
Author:  Rachel Newhouse [ September 18th, 2011, 10:46 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Author of My Soul
*is very glad of that* :D
Author:  Suiauthon Mimetes [ September 18th, 2011, 11:14 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Author of My Soul
*loves the poem but still isn't good at critiquing poems* :P
Author:  Aragorn [ September 19th, 2011, 1:02 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The Author of My Soul
It's good, with a very relevant message. I'm hoping to do a full critique later, but for now:

Philadelphia wrote:
Devine touch is on every page,

"Devine" should be "Divine".
Author:  Rachel Newhouse [ September 19th, 2011, 10:09 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The Author of My Soul
Spend time with Katie, Sui. She can train you to be better at critiquing poems. :rofl: Thanks!

Thank you, Jonathan! *fixes*
Author:  Constable Jaynin Mimetes [ September 19th, 2011, 10:12 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The Author of My Soul
I think I've already read this one, a while ago. I love all of your poetry. :D
Author:  J. Grace Pennington [ September 19th, 2011, 10:15 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The Author of My Soul
I adore the message and the thought is absolutely a beautiful one! But I'm not connecting with the rhythm. To me, it's not rhythmic enough to read like a poem either in my head or aloud.

Could be just me though. :)
Author:  Rachel Newhouse [ September 19th, 2011, 10:17 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The Author of My Soul
I think you might've, Katie, but I'm not sure if you gave it your professional touch. :D Thanks very much! My poetry drastically improved after you beat a sense of metre into my head. :D

Thanks, Grace! That is an interesting thought. I'm not sure I can change the rhythm without completely rewriting it. :P It's intended to be free verse, rather abstract.
Author:  J. Grace Pennington [ September 20th, 2011, 10:30 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The Author of My Soul
Philadelphia wrote:
Thanks, Grace! That is an interesting thought. I'm not sure I can change the rhythm without completely rewriting it. :P It's intended to be free verse, rather abstract.

Oh I know! I just tend to be rather obsessive about rhythm (not meter) in my free verse as well. :)
Author:  Rachel Newhouse [ September 20th, 2011, 1:32 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Author of My Soul
See, Katie taught me a sense of metre... but I don't know if that translates to rhythm. I think not. :D
Author:  J. Grace Pennington [ September 20th, 2011, 3:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Author of My Soul
Rhythm and meter are not the same thing. :) I don't know how they relate or if rhythm can be taught -- or if my sense is just totally made up and specific to me. :)
Author:  Aragorn [ September 20th, 2011, 7:40 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Author of My Soul
I know what you mean, Aniese. The rhythm was a little awkward to me at first. I read it a second time, though, and then it flowed fine to me. I think it's just different, but good. :book:
Author:  J. Grace Pennington [ September 20th, 2011, 7:55 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Author of My Soul
*reads a second time* True, it does feel better this time. Although things like:

Quote:
But there is one far greater
Than any man on earth.
His work shall last for eternity.

I would have done something more like this:

Quote:
But there is one far, far greater
Than any man on earth
His work shall last forevermore.

See (hear?) the difference?

Sorry to be picky. :) I've just read lots and lots and lots of poetry, so I have a pretty particular ear for it. :)
Author:  Rachel Newhouse [ September 20th, 2011, 10:04 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Author of My Soul
Picky is good. :D I shall ponder thine suggestion. Thank you!
Author:  Airianna Valenshia [ September 22nd, 2011, 1:24 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Author of My Soul
This is ready to be posted, Philli. :D You know the drill.
Author:  Rachel Newhouse [ September 22nd, 2011, 2:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Author of My Soul
:salute: I'll give it one more proofread and stick it up. I am going ahead and locking this thread.

Thanks so much, everyone!
Author:  Airianna Valenshia [ September 26th, 2011, 1:30 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Author of My Soul
Now that the article is on the blog, this thread is ready for archiving. Thanks, Philli, for another wonderful article.
Page 1 of 1 All times are UTC - 6 hours [ DST ]
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group
http://www.phpbb.com/