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| Showing and Telling (This the right place to put this?) https://archive.holyworlds.org/viewtopic.php?f=37&t=3531 | Page 1 of 1 | 
| Author: | The Wolverminion [ June 14th, 2011, 6:42 pm ] | ||
| Post subject: | Showing and Telling (This the right place to put this?) | ||
| I was supposed to post this...yesterday, I think.  I didn't get the message until a little late. I haven't been very active recently. Anyway, there it is, an article for the blog. 
 | |||
| Author: | Elanhil [ June 15th, 2011, 8:44 am ] | 
| Post subject: | Re: Showing and Telling (This the right place to put this?) | 
| Has this post been scheduled by one of the 'behind-the-scenes' personnel of the blog? | |
| Author: | The Wolverminion [ June 15th, 2011, 11:18 am ] | 
| Post subject: | Re: Showing and Telling (This the right place to put this?) | 
| Yeah. I received a message that I'm up for a blog post.   | |
| Author: | Airianna Valenshia [ June 15th, 2011, 4:25 pm ] | 
| Post subject: | Re: Showing and Telling (This the right place to put this?) | 
| Luke is up, yes. | |
| Author: | KathrineROID [ June 17th, 2011, 4:48 pm ] | 
| Post subject: | Re: Showing and Telling (This the right place to put this?) | 
| Really fantastic! I got educated while editing.  No spelling errors and no major grammar errors.  You're a little ellipse and starting-a-sentence-with-a-conjunction happy, though.  Here are my proposed edits: Edited: Quote: What does that really mean? It’s such a common phrase that it doesn’t really get explained, unless you read a book on how to edit or how to write good prose.  Original: Quote: But what does that really mean? It’s such a common phrase that it doesn’t really get explained, unless you read a book on how to edit or how to write good prose.  Edited: Quote: But don’t make the mistake of thinking that adding more detail makes it showing. In this case it was necessary, because showing the girl’s anger and fear takes a little more work. There will be other situations where removing detail is more effective, especially if it starts getting redundant. Original: Quote: But don’t make the mistake of thinking that adding more detail makes it showing. In this case it was necessary, because showing the girl’s anger and fear takes a little more work. But there will be other situations where removing detail is more effective. Especially if it starts getting redundant. Edited: Quote: Notice how this example actually removed details. Also, it changes to be playing to to play, which is a stronger verb construction. The –ing verbs are some of the most misused words in unprofessional writing, as far as I’ve seen. There are plenty of places where they’re totally required. But couple an –ing verb with a be verb and you’ve almost always got trouble. When writing, using too many sentences structured like this one will get really annoying. (Don’t use many sentences structured like my last one. These are much better. They get straight to the point.) When you see –ing verbs all over the place, chances are that something needs to be changed.  Original: Quote: Notice that this example actually removed details. Also, it changes to be playing to to play, which is a stronger verb construction. The –ing verbs are some of the most misused words in unprofessional writing, as far as I’ve seen. There are plenty of places where they’re totally required. But couple an –ing verb with a be verb and you’ve almost always got trouble. And when writing, using too many sentences structured like this one will get really annoying. (Don’t use many sentences structured like that one. These ones are much better. They get straight to the point.) When you see –ing verbs all over the place, chances are that something needs to be changed.  Edited: Quote: The moment you tell the reader what that statement is, it loses much of its effect. Just like using an adverb to tell something that is already implied through dialogue.  Original: Quote: But the moment you tell the reader what that statement is, it loses much of its effect. Just like using an adverb to tell something that is already implied through dialogue.  Edited: Quote: No student wants to be told how to believe or think or act: he wants to be shown in a way that lets him feel like he figured it out with at least a little of his own intelligence.  Original: Quote: No student wants to be told how to believe or think or act…he wants to be shown in a way that lets him feel like he figured it out with at least a little of his own intelligence.  Edited: Quote: Contrived dialogue is always a problem. When a character says something they wouldn’t naturally say, something that nobody in that position would ever say in real life, the dialogue is being used to tell the reader something. For example:  Original: Quote: Contrived dialogue is always a problem. When a character says something they wouldn’t naturally say…something that nobody in that position would ever say in real life, the dialogue is being used to tell the reader something. For example:  Edited: Quote: “Wow. You must be really brave… and tough.”  Original: Quote: “Wow. You must be really brave…and tough.”  Edited: Quote: It’s the same length, and not only does it show Lewis’s awe, but adds another layer to the previously cheap respect by showing something about Lewis: he recognizes more bravery in Duncan than in himself. The first version of this example doesn’t even give us that. We aren’t quite sure how to take the unrealistic dialogue.  Original: Quote: It’s the same length, and not only does it show Lewis’s awe, but adds another layer to the previously cheap respect by showing something about Lewis…he recognizes more bravery in Duncan than in himself. The first version of this example doesn’t even give us that. We aren’t quite sure how to take the unrealistic dialogue.  Edited: Quote: I also changed a few verbs. Gestured became nodded, and got away became escaped. Nodding shows us a slightly different picture than gesturing does, and I thought it was more appropriate for this scene. Escaping is much more interesting than simply getting away.  Original: Quote: I also changed a few verbs. Gestured became nodded, and got away became escaped. Nodding shows us a slightly different picture than gesturing does, and I thought it was more appropriate for this scene. And escaping is much more interesting than simply getting away.  Edited: Quote: There are plenty of times where you will have to tell things. If you’re automatically focused on showing things whenever possible, your prose will shine a little brighter. This is why we say, Show, don’t tell.  Original: Quote: There are plenty of times where you will have to tell things. But if you’re automatically focused on showing things whenever possible, your prose will shine a little brighter. This is why we say, Show, don’t tell.  Also, in this bit: Quote: ou never want to preach. It’s something that has given Christian fiction a bit of a bad name these days. Like C. S. Lewis said, we don’t need more Christian books. We need more Christians writing good books. Good books use the characters, the conflict, the plot, and just about everything else to make a strong statement about something deeper than just a story. The moment you tell the reader what that statement is, it loses much of its effect. Just like using an adverb to tell something that is already implied through dialogue.The last sentence feels awkward to be, probably because it is a fragment.  I couldn't figure out how to make it sound better.  Maybe someone else can? | |
| Author: | The Wolverminion [ June 17th, 2011, 5:13 pm ] | 
| Post subject: | Re: Showing and Telling (This the right place to put this?) | 
| Heh. One of the first things I do when I edit a recently finished book is search out all the ellipses and remove the unneeded ones. One of my weaknesses.  That all looks good. And about that last sentence, it could probably be combined with the previous one like the other examples. | |
| Author: | Airianna Valenshia [ June 17th, 2011, 5:47 pm ] | 
| Post subject: | Re: Showing and Telling (This the right place to put this?) | 
| This will be ready for you to post on Monday, Luke. A little unorthodox, but I'm sure I can smooth that over with the Blog Head.   | |
| Author: | KathrineROID [ June 19th, 2011, 11:38 am ] | 
| Post subject: | Re: Showing and Telling (This the right place to put this?) | 
| Luke the Mindwielder wrote: Heh. One of the first things I do when I edit a recently finished book is search out all the ellipses and remove the unneeded ones. One of my weaknesses.   That all looks good. And about that last sentence, it could probably be combined with the previous one like the other examples. Like this? Quote: The moment you tell the reader what that statement is, it loses much of its effect, just like using an adverb to tell something that is already implied through dialogue.I didn't want to do that because it is such a weak sentence structure.  Maybe. . . Quote: Good books use the characters, the conflict, the plot, and just about everything else to make a strong statement about something deeper than just a story.  Most of its affect is lost the moment you tell the reader what that statement is, just like using an adverb to tell something already implied through dialogue.Or. . . Quote: Good books use the characters, the conflict, the plot, and just about everything else to make a strong statement about something deeper than just a story. The moment you tell the reader what that statement is, it loses much of its effect - just like using an adverb to tell something that is already implied through dialogue.The first example makes the two sentences one sentence, but not with such a wimpy structure.  The second changes nothing but a little punctuation, yet fixes the flow at the same time.  Your choice, Mr. Author.  It's mostly a stylistic edit anyways. | |
| Author: | The Wolverminion [ June 19th, 2011, 7:47 pm ] | 
| Post subject: | Re: Showing and Telling (This the right place to put this?) | 
| Second one looks fine to me. I'm not that picky.   | |
| Author: | The Wolverminion [ June 21st, 2011, 5:28 pm ] | 
| Post subject: | Re: Showing and Telling (This the right place to put this?) | 
| Am I supposed to put it up myself somehow? I'm not sure how this all works... | |
| Author: | Airianna Valenshia [ June 21st, 2011, 9:06 pm ] | 
| Post subject: | Re: Showing and Telling (This the right place to put this?) | 
| Yes sir, you put it on the blog. Sign in, then post a new post. | |
| Author: | The Wolverminion [ June 21st, 2011, 9:35 pm ] | 
| Post subject: | Re: Showing and Telling (This the right place to put this?) | 
| Ah. There's the problem...see, I can't log in.   | |
| Author: | Airianna Valenshia [ June 21st, 2011, 9:46 pm ] | 
| Post subject: | Re: Showing and Telling (This the right place to put this?) | 
| K, we'll have Jay set you up with an account tomorrow. | |
| Author: | Airianna Valenshia [ June 28th, 2011, 4:05 pm ] | 
| Post subject: | Re: Showing and Telling (This the right place to put this?) | 
| Luke, did you ever post this? | |
| Author: | The Wolverminion [ July 7th, 2011, 1:01 pm ] | 
| Post subject: | Re: Showing and Telling (This the right place to put this?) | 
| No, and I've been gone on a long road trip since the 26th.  Just got home. So I'll see about this...I don't think I have an account. I wasn't told anything about it. I'll just send Philli the edited version and let her post it, I think. | |
| Author: | Airianna Valenshia [ July 10th, 2011, 3:53 pm ] | 
| Post subject: | Re: Showing and Telling (This the right place to put this?) | 
| Thanks, Luke, that worked. | |
| Author: | The Wolverminion [ July 10th, 2011, 5:01 pm ] | 
| Post subject: | Re: Showing and Telling (This the right place to put this?) | 
| Ack! People keep misspelling Mindwielder.  Haha. The I goes before the E... | |
| Author: | Airianna Valenshia [ July 10th, 2011, 5:43 pm ] | 
| Post subject: | Re: Showing and Telling (This the right place to put this?) | 
| Due to the completion of this thread, it is now being archived. Thank you for your participation. | |
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