Marine TDW 1416.1

Lance Sergeant Marco Domici was on a clandestine mission to the planet Birach. The Star Confederation Navy invasion depended on his small team to destroy a major weapon and save thousands of lives. Prince Allesandro's Jump Lights, Marco's brothers and sisters in arms, were a thousand of the lives he would save.

The mission failed before it began. The insertion ship was spotted and shot down. The only person who knew mission details was dying. Enemy jets, armor, and infantry were heading their way. An oppressive regime would parade them on video before executing them in public.

Their only hope was to overthrow the government and end the need for invasion. Marco had thirty days to succeed with a new team; backwoods hunters, black marketeers, Red Cards with nothing to lose, and one exotic dancer.

It was time to Marine Up. Marco and Birach would never be the same.

It's like Star Trek/Last of the Breed/modern epic. In other words my favorite thing. *thumbs up* It intrigues me.

The opening felt a little slow, but by the end I was definitely interested. Tell me more!

This is only my personal opinion, but there are a lot of details that are just in there - maybe too much. It felt slow to me (I don't know if there is a way to shorten it and make it more precise. Something maybe that would have people jumping off their seats to find out).

I can see the tension, the stakes. Marco's family is going to be killed if he fails. Many will be killed if he fails.

You can revise much better than I could seeing that is is your story, but here's a suggestion...

A clandestine mission to the planet Birach led by Lance Sergeant Marco Domici fails before it even starts. The insertion ship is down and a man is dying - the only man who knows the details of their mission. Thousands of lives are in jeopardy, lives that matter dearly to Marco - the lives of family, friends, and countless innocents.

Marco, in a desperate attempt to evade the enemy and complete his mission, sets off with an untried team of backwoods hunters, black marketeers, Red Cards, and one exotic dancer to do the only thing he can do - overthrow the government of Birach thereby ending the need for an invasion by the Star Confederation Navy.

A knife teeters on the edge of a cliff and the ticking clock is no help at all. Marco has a mere thirty days to succeed, but, with the odds entirely against him, it seems impossible. It is time to Marine Up, and Marco knows nothing will ever be the same after this.

I find the first paragraph confusing and don't understand the last sentence of it at all. I like the last Marine Up line a lot. Who's dying - Marco or someone else?

Can you let a million innocent people die?

The doctor fought to keep the captain alive long enough to get the mission details; the Star Confederation's clandestine operation failed before it began.

A officer's commission awaits Lance Sergeant Marco Domici (Prince Allesandro's Jump Lights) if he follows orders. Enough money to marry the woman of his dreams. His father's ghost will rest with pride.

Will Marco throw away Irene's life and his Marine honor for people he doesn't know?

This new blurb is so different from the previous ones that it has me confused. Is it still essentially the same story?

Yup.

Been a long strange 26 days on Birach.

Yes. I've been trying to tighten the wording and see what the story is really about. In this case its a man's struggle between his weaknesses and his destiny.