Holy Worlds Christian Forum
https://archive.holyworlds.org/

Tell me more!- The Fall of Flame and Shadow
https://archive.holyworlds.org/viewtopic.php?f=29&t=9779		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  Varon [ May 28th, 2017, 10:46 pm ]
Post subject:  Tell me more!- The Fall of Flame and Shadow
One sentence summary: An arrogant bard seeks forbidden magic to overthrow a dark god.

3-6 sentence: A boy learns everything he has been taught by his people has been a lie and that the deity claiming to protect them is actually oppressing them, the cause of all that is wrong. The boy flees his home after swearing an oath to overthrow this dark god and restore the world to the way it was meant to be. That power he needs for that, however, is forbidden by the only people who can teach it, so he must go to extreme lengths to fulfill his oath, no matter what it will cost him or the rest of the world.
Author:  Domici [ May 29th, 2017, 5:02 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Tell me more!- The Fall of Flame and Shadow
"Tell me more!"

The language could be tightened up but you're opening up a lot of interesting paths.
Author:  Varon [ May 29th, 2017, 1:56 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Tell me more!- The Fall of Flame and Shadow
Glad you think so. And I agree with the wording on the longer summary. I tossed that one together in five minutes. I have a better one written down, but I left that notebook at campus, which is 1800 miles from my house where I'm at right now.
Author:  Rachel Newhouse [ May 29th, 2017, 9:37 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Tell me more!- The Fall of Flame and Shadow
"Tell me more!"

I agree with Domici--the story is strong, but the summary is phrased oddly. It's unusually passive and written more awkwardly than it needs to be. But the gist of the plot is good!

I think my only complaint is that his motivation seems impersonal now. Yes, finding out you've been lied to is huge, but I feel like he needs a personal involvement. Has his family, friend, or loved one been hurt by the god, a clergy, or a related ritual? How has he been personally injured?
Author:  Lady Sparks [ May 30th, 2017, 9:53 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Tell me more!- The Fall of Flame and Shadow
Is he a boy or a young man? To me, boy implies child but the "arrogant bard" seems like an adult. Especially if this is Ouska from the interviews? Or is this a different character?
Author:  Varon [ May 30th, 2017, 7:57 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Tell me more!- The Fall of Flame and Shadow
Lady Sparks wrote:
Is he a boy or a young man? To me, boy implies child but the "arrogant bard" seems like an adult. Especially if this is Ouska from the interviews? Or is this a different character?


He is both! The story starts at 15 and grows with him until late 20s, roughly. The Ouska from the interviews is Ouska somewhere in the middle of the story- around his early 20s.

Cool. Thanks for the responses everyone. I'll work on writing a new one and get it posted whenever I can, or I can find the other summary that I wrote, whichever comes first, now that I start training for camp on Thursday.
Page 1 of 1 All times are UTC - 6 hours [ DST ]
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group
http://www.phpbb.com/