*lands hard on stone ground*
*stands up and looks around*

This land that I once called my home...
This land has changed.

I have been gone far too long,
only to come back and find
that war has destroyed the home I left.

I remember when, as a child, I came here, and I was loved. I thrived.
Then things turned dark. The foundations of our land were shaken. Fear crept into our hearts,
and I grew up.

In the meanwhile, real-life friends stepped in. Tired of uncertainty, I turned to them, to the ones I could see and know,
and so I drifted away.

Then, ashamed of my absence, ashamed of my doubt and fear,
I stayed away. I ran. I hid.
The last time you really saw me, I was doing what I had long planned to do: Rename myself Shie for April Fools. Remember that day?
Turns out a lot of you didn't recognize me...nor I you.
We did not know each other so well as we used to.

More growing up.

Then I return and find
that the Abyss has become real
and it is swallowing everything I loved about this place.
All the evil we used to laugh at
has manifested
and now is causing tears instead.

I have been gone; I don't know what happened.
I'm sure the same is true for many of you.
But though things look the same,
smell the same,
feel the same,
they are not.
I have changed.
You have changed.
And though I could pretend things are as they always were,
I am the proof
that they are not.

I hope y'all don't conclude I am bitter. Not at all! I am eager to hear from you. If you remember me, please say so, so we can say goodbye properly.

I remember you, Aemi, dear. *Hugs tight* You were one of the first people to comment on my story, and were so sweet and encouraging to me... Mmm, can that really have been so long ago when we first met? Back when I was 16, and now I'm 19 next month... Wow. Come find me on G+, would you? I'd love to hear how you've been, more.

Elmirza Draka Senorza -
Writer of 'Rider Of Pure Motion'

I remember you well, Aemi. I know that, wherever you go from here, you will be a blessing just as you have been here.

*sits down heavily and wearily cradles head*

Darling Aemi, I remember you. Though I didn't get as much one-on-one time with you as I would have liked, I remember you as a vibrant member of HolyWorlds whom I loved to see posts from. I was so pleased to see your name reappear on its pages of late...

I know HW has changed, hon. You could say it grew up, too. And I can understand you running off and hiding. Believe me, I wished I could do the same many times... But, I feel I owed it to this wonderful place *looks around at the familiar colours with a fond smile and a throb in her heart* to remain and become a pillar that could be leant on. It was the least I could do for this magical place that brought to life so many friendships for me.

I don't like change. I still look back and yearn for the old days. However I would hate to deny future shy and lonely members the opportunity to find a haven here, and to make a good friend. Perhaps, by staying... I can pass along the gift I first received.

If you stay, you will help build something worth sharing. If you leave, I can understand. But I will miss your lovely familiar face.

*small sigh*

Though I don't think we chatted much, I still remember you, Aemi.

One thing I ask of you... do not make a hasty decision. Yes, we've all grieved, and yes, I think most of us still do grieve. Speaking for myself, it's hard to imagine that there will be a day when the grief passes for good.

But time helps, and as terrible as some events have been... I do not believe our beloved forum is rotten -- the good is still here.

In the hearts of those who remain.

Of course I remember you!

I think a lot of us/all of us are still grieving; it takes time for wounds to heal and patience and a lot of love. But God says that He is the comforter, and that's His promise. Healing doesn't always come straight away, but I believe that it will, in time.





Beautiful words, Bushy and Sui.


God bless you wherever you go from here, Aemi. Please do search me out on Gplus, I'd love to stay in touch. *Hugs*

*blinks back tears, hugs Aemi* I know what you mean, to some small extent. I wish I could help you in some way, but I don't think I can. I hate change, I always have; but being so new here, I guess it didn't impact me as badly, though it did hurt me a lot to see so much friction, arguments, and sometimes even outright insults being thrown around.

The thing is though, we have new members coming in as well; they can't replace the members who have left, but they're still wonderful, wonderful people with hearts of gold who encourage and inspire. We're still a community. And like all families, yeah, we have our disagreements and our arguments... but like a family, we should strive to make things right again and get through the bad times to return to the good.

For ya'll.

Change
12/11/13

How can I be so happy
And yet still feel an ache?
I smile at the laughter,
Yet wince as something breaks.

Days are filled with laughter
And nights are filled with dreams.
I've found as life keeps going
That things aren't as they seem.

Things can be misspoken
And even friends can change.
I'll hold tight to the memories,
The good, the bad, the strange.

Life is never simple
And change is part of life.
I wish that I could fix things,
And strip away the strife.

Words can bring a smile
Or words can tear a heart.
I pray that God will mend
The things we drove apart.

We can stand in silence
Or we can learn to speak.
Honesty is costly
But worth the time to seek.

Hearts held once the closest
Can shift away in time.
But many are worth keeping,
If we'd take the steps to climb.

Wow, you guys...I am honored that you missed me like I missed you. Little me.

Okay, here's a more plain explanation of what happened with me:

It's been an interesting couple of years. The most interesting change is that I've made real-life friends. Real ones. Through all the turmoil, they started feeling more real to me than HW (understandably so), and I started preferring them. Being the introvert that I am, the sheer number of awesome people here was getting overwhelming, and it was just easier to spend time with two like-minded friends face-to-face (hanging out, pondering deep questions, talking about our books late into the night, etc.).
Also, my writing was on hold, and I didn't have time ardently to follow other peoples' stories. Like I said, I grew up, and grown-up responsibilities and opportunities have been taking over.
I felt like I fit in better out in real life. To be honest, I still feel that way. It's not because of you, it's because of the format...or something.
Then, of course, the turmoil was and is distressing. *hangs head* Real life was having enough drama of its own.
In short, my real life got so rich that I felt like I was balancing two separate lives. I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't integrate the two lives, and I couldn't make online anything be a priority.

So my activity dropped, and dropped some more, and then dropped even more because I was ashamed of being gone so long. Finally I worked up the courage to ask Airianna to relieve me of my rank, and that decision freed me to...disappear.

Whenever I was at the computer, I thought about logging on, seeing what's going on over here, but shame and pain would overwhelm me. "I would go back if I could, but...I can't. I just can't." (Which now automatically changes to "I cahn't, I just cahn't... )
*shrug* Late last night, I decided it was time to face my fear.
It's amazing how hard a single click can be.

So...here I am. And I am so, so sorry. Moving on is, I believe, necessary, but I shouldn't have vanished like that.

And thank you for the encouragement. I'll be thinking hard about decisions in the upcoming weeks.

Good poem, Ophelia.

*smiles* Hey, don't fret Aemi. If God's called you to places you need to be fully occupied in your real life, I understand that. I just didn't want you to feel you wouldn't be missed, or you weren't remembered, or that this place wasn't worth the work to keep alive. By all means hon, if God's got awesome things in your life that are fulfilling and worthwhile and that require your attention, have at it! And have a ball doing it. Wherever you choose to be, be all there, and be a blessing to those around you and to God wherever that may be.

All the best, lovely.

I remember you Aemi! And I am also growing up because of this.

We have been going through similar things that have been happening on Holy Worlds, some things unrelated to it, and some things indirectly related to it, personal relationships, blood relationships, online and offline relationships.

A thing I have learned is that friendships, and group friendships, are worth it, even if at some point they are broken.

I really want to help you, I am available to talk if you ever need to.

That is right Mr. Sui. And now it means more when people remain than before.

That is a very good poem Lady Ophelia! I especially think the last three verses are good. I notice there are seven.


I know how that feels... maybe a little at least.
I tried what bad habits try... you know, "just try it," "just look around," "do just one more," "just for fun..." and it worked (like it usually does when you do not want it to), since I am here (hello! *waves *).

*nods* If you choose to leave we'll miss you, but sometimes it becomes time to move on.

Yes, exactly. I remember who you are, most definitely, Aemi! And I do hope we can keep in touch... It's been too long since last we talked.

I remember...

Amei! Yes, I still keep spelling your name like that without thinking... Call it a nickname. *Hugs tight* I may not have recognized you on April fools, but I remember you.

I know HW has changed so much... It hasn't been easy. There has been times when I think it would be easier to leave than to stay. But what we have on HW, though injured, is something worth fighting for.

oh...... well.... first of all i'm one of the newer members. Yes.... yes things have changed and people have left. They will be missed and the legacy they have left should not be forgotten. Saying that when I joined what I liked was the fact everyone was so helpful and they genuinly cared. Several other newer people have joined and said the same thing. That I believe is what makes this forum what it is. If you feel you need to leave of course thats your choice and thats perfectly ok. If you do choose to stay however active you are or otherwise I think I can safely say we would never hold a grudge for not being around. You're busy as are many of the rest of us. You do what God leads you to do

Whatever you decide, especially remember that you can visit Holy Worlds without feeling embarrassed at all. We will always be close by if you want anything! God be with you here or there Lady Aemi!

Okay, sorry for letting this important thread lapse...I'm still not sure how high a priority Holy Worlds needs to be. What if I end up logging in, like, once a month? Just to keep in touch? Would that be okay?
You people are so great.

*is grinning * Once a month is great, or once every week, or once every two months, it is all great: we will "expect you when we see you" and be happy!

"I've been here and I've been there
I've sought the rainbow's end,
But no crock of gold I've found.
Now I know that come what will
Whatever fate may send,
Here my boots are deep in friendly ground."
(from the song "Dublin Can Be Heaven")

That would be awesome to still see you from time to time!

Of course 'twould be fine! We'll just be glad to see you.

*Agrees with Sui* Yes, we want to keep seeing you.

Indeed, indeed!

Dearest Aemi, you were never forgotten. In fact, most members aren't. If anything, you weren't recognized by members who joined after your abscence. I have been absent or only behind the scenes if present for the last year and a half myself. I haven't been in the writing scene since I graduated high school now because life really does change a lot. It's not so much about growing up but rather about a change in priorites and learning maturity by prioritizing in a healthy way. Please don't feel at fault for not being as active here. : )

An online forum should never replace or restrain you from seeking in person relationships with those around you. Don't be too hard on yourself. Meeting and being friends with faceless people on an online writing forum. I'm not saying it can't happen, but I know it can be stressful trying to maintain relationships in that format. The long and the short is that you won't be able to be everyone's friend on here and that's a-okay! ^^ We aren't all called here to be friends but to be a Christ-like community with helpful and encouraging input on our writing.

Please feel free to return and "just be" any day. No pressures. ^^

~Calen

Thank you so much, people.

You're worth it! ^^