Today is a special day to me. The reason for that is because today is the day an immature, confused, and lost kid joined HW—that is to say, today, September 4th, is the day I joined these forums.
I want to say, while I hope this post will help lighten the dour mood HW has been in lately, that I am not creating any of this from my imagination just to try and cheer people up. I’ve had this post in mind since July, but I kept losing the courage I needed to find to post it—but last night, I decided to write it and post it today anyway.
I also apologize for the length. *smiles wryly* I just had a lot I wanted to say, and if you know me, you know how much I ramble. If you like, skip down the page to the end to get to the more main points.
Well, early this summer, on my birthday, I spent a good few hours looking back through the last three years in an attempt to see if I had changed any. It sure didn’t feel like I had.
But something I noticed as I mentally trekked my way down the trail of memories was that the most I changed was after I joined HW.
And I pondered on that for a while, realizing it to be true.
I changed so greatly after I joined these forums. If I went back in time even just two years, I doubt my past self would even recognize me. No, I’m not exaggerating. Every aspect of me has changed since my first hesitant steps into this forum—my faith, my personality, my outlook on life, my writing, my relationships with family and friends… everything.
Earlier, I called myself ‘immature, confused, and lost’ in a way. Let me briefly explain what I meant by that. Immature is kind of obvious—I was a kid who couldn’t see past her own wants and didn’t know how to hold a serious conversation without completely crashing it.
As for confused and lost… I mean that to concern my faith. Last year, I was more of an atheist than a Christian. 2012 was probably the most painful year I had ever faced in my short life, and instead of turning to God for strength, I turned away, wondering how he could possibly put me and the friends I had then through such pain and torment. This mentality just made things worse, but I didn’t realize that at the time.
I’m not saying it immediately got better right after I joined HW, no. It took work. But HW is what helped nudge me back on the right path; it is what helped me seek God again.
Actually, let me rephrase that. It wasn’t so much HW itself, but the people. The members.
I received an extremely warm welcome from HW-ers when I joined. I had many people, a mere week after joining, tell me I could come to them if I ever had to talk or vent. They didn’t judge me, they didn’t shun me, they didn’t scold me. Every single person I met was gentle, considerate, thoughtful, and caring. It wasn’t something I was used to.
I never told anyone at the time about how I had turned away from God. But something happened. The friends I made promised to pray for me; they sent me Bible verses, and, most of all, they reminded me that God loved me. They urged me to pray to Him for peace.
And slowly, I started to do as they said. I prayed and I read my Bible—something I had stopped for longer of a time that I care to remember. This, coupled with the continuous love shown to me by HW-ers, helped me learn to trust and look to God again. I’m not saying I’m totally better, no; I still doubt and question God sometimes. But I’m getting there, and I may never have if not for HW-ers.
I didn’t say all of that just now because I’m looking for attention. I said it because it was true, and because I want to show you just how much Holy Worlds and its members have done for me.
My writing has improved since joining Holy Worlds as well. I’ve learned a lot from you guys, and as always, your encouragement and willingness to give gentle advice has helped me become more confident in my writing, and more confident in showing it to people.
Not only that, but people here have taught me how to treat my friends and family. I used to be, and still can be at times, a snarky and disobedient jerk to my family. But after joining Holy Worlds, I finally came to the realization that my attitude was wrong. With counseling from a few HW friends, I’m happy to say my relationship with my family is a whole lot better, especially with my brother—I haven’t gotten along with him for about five years, but in the last few months… we’ve hardly argued, and we’ve actually come to understand each other more and be kinder to each other. I don’t think I could have managed it without getting the wake-up call from HW-ers.
Holy Worlds showed me how to find the courage that I have somewhere inside of me. I used to be very shy when it came to talking to other people, but all of you helped me overcome my shyness. You taught me how to have serious conversations—whether it be about emotional problems others are going through, or theology—without shrinking back from sharing my opinion, giving up and dropping the discussion, or just being clumsy and saying something wrong.
Something that others have pointed out about Holy Worlds is that… we all have different views on things, we have our own opinions. And the most special thing about that is that we can state those opinions and discuss them without it turning into an argument, an insult-fest, or an attempt to change everyone else’s views.
That is part of why I feel I’ve matured greatly since joining Holy Worlds; seeing how all of you interact, with love, patience, and understanding, has helped me flourish.
In conclusion… Holy Worlds—the people of Holy Worlds—has made me braver, stronger, gentler, more intelligent, happier, more peaceful. It has taught me to treat everyone like my brothers and sisters in Christ, and to surrender everything—all of my fears and dreams and sorrows, my whole life—to Jesus.
I’ve learned so much from all of you. Words cannot describe how grateful I am to all of you, nor can they describe adequately all that I want to say. To say that ‘you all changed me for the better’ doesn’t seem at all sufficient, but, in a nutshell, that is what I meant to say.
I’ve already talked for far too long. That’s enough of my stories; let me get to the main thing I wanted to say.
We are a family, and just keep in mind that families, with God’s help, do the impossible… they continue loving each other and forgiving each other. And that’s what we do. I’ve seen it time and time again here, and I know that it will continue.
I want to thank everyone here for being such a family to me. I love every single one of you, and I’m going to be thanking many of you that I talk to often on the ‘Thank-You’ thread, so you may want to check that out in a bit.
Thank you all for caring, and for always keeping the balance of loving me and giving me the advice I need to hear, no matter how painful the reality of that advice might be to me. Thank you for being the greatest brothers and sisters I have ever been blessed with knowing.
Thank you all for the love, the laughter, the tears, the inspiration, the advice, the forgiveness, the acceptance, the warmth, and the hope. Thank you all for being yourselves.
I hope to be here for a long time yet, but I just wanted to say—thank you for making this last year a blessing. It’s been painful, yes, and it’s been hard… but all of you have kept the glowing flame of hope burning in my heart, and you have kept me strong—and above all, faithful—in the last year.
You all mean so much to me, and I know that no matter where life takes us—whether it be together or apart from one another—I have a special corner in my heart that I have given to each one of you, and I will carry all of you there no matter where life takes me. And one day, we’ll be Home, and I won’t ever have to be apart from any of you again. *smiles*
I’ve said it many times, but one last time—thank you all so much, for everything. I love you all very much. God bless and keep you always.
Much love to my brothers and sisters in Christ,
~ Theodora R. Ashcraft
<3
I'm so glad you've been blessed here, Renna--it was very good to see your long post, and it wasn't hard to read the whole thing. 
*hugs*
You're a lot prettier than Gandalf. 
*hugs* Love you, Twinny.
