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I'm not sure what I should tell Barnes and Noble to get them to take me seriously. What is their policy on self published authors? How do I find out?
I have actually talked to people about this when I was deciding which camp I was going to end up in.
I've gotten the same answer from everyone I've talked to, even people in the publishing world.  Major bookstores (as in the ones not privately owned) are almost impossible to sell self published books through.  As a general rule, they will turn you down every time, for multiple reasons.  
Unless of course you sell thousands of books.  Then they'll follow the money. 

As I understand, though, you have a lot better luck with local, privately owned bookstores, which are usually very eager to shelve your books.