Jokes hahaha

SeyatassDragonDaughter · **Joined:** July 26th, 2011, 2:32 pm **Posts:** 279

Okay. I think it would be cool to be able to post cool jokes about, well, funny stuff!
Okay, maybe not such a good idea... But here is a joke for you:
An Atheist is walking through the woods and says:
"Wow, this all could have been brought about by chance!"
Then out of the blue A bear starts chasing him!
"God!" He screams. "God, please save me!!!"
And God says, "Why should I save you? You're always telling people that I don't exist."
"Well... Could you at least make the bear a christian?"
The bear immediately knelt down, folded his hands , closed his eyes and said:
"God please Bless this food I am about to receive."

Do you like it? I thought it was PRETTY funny! Hope no one is offended or something... Tell me if you like it!

Aeleknight · **Posted:** August 15th, 2011, 8:47 pm

Viarri Skyburner wrote:

Okay i think it would be cool to be able to post cool jokes about well funny stuff!
Okay maybe not such a good idea... But here is a joke for you:
An Atheist is walking through the woods and says:
"Wow, this all could have been brought about by chance!"
Then out of the blue A bear starts chasing him!
"God!" He screams. "God, please save me!!!"
And God says, "Why should I save you? Your always telling people that I don't exist."
"Well... Could you at least make the bear a christian?"
The bear immediately knelt down, folded his hands , closed his eyes and said:
"God please Bless this food I am about to receive."

Do you like it? I thought it was PRETTY funny! Hope no one is offended or something... Tell me if you like it!

Very funny. I heard it in a different, less disturbing way before.

Elly · **Joined:** October 22nd, 2010, 7:58 am **Posts:** 4197

How about this:
"I believe in the Big Bang Theory!" declared a Christian.
His atheist friend clapped.
"God said it, and BANG! it happened," answered the friend.
His atheist friend looked blank.

Aeleknight · **Posted:** August 16th, 2011, 10:16 am

Elly of Zoriah wrote:

How about this:
"I believe in the Big Bang Theory!" declared a Christian.
His atheist friend clapped.
"God said it, and BANG! it happened," answered the friend.
His atheist friend looked blank.

Ha!

Very nice.

SeyatassDragonDaughter · **Joined:** July 26th, 2011, 2:32 pm **Posts:** 279

I like it Elly!
Very funny!
hehe hohoh hahaha hhewhah.
ahem, sorry.

K. C. Gaunt · **Joined:** October 29th, 2010, 1:15 pm **Posts:** 159

Yay! A joke thread!

- Terra

Manda Kondrael · **Posted:** August 17th, 2011, 7:37 pm

Elly of Zoriah wrote:

How about this:
"I believe in the Big Bang Theory!" declared a Christian.
His atheist friend clapped.
"God said it, and BANG! it happened," answered the friend.
His atheist friend looked blank.

Gotta love that one.

Calista Bethelle · **Joined:** February 10th, 2011, 9:15 pm **Posts:** 3095

Elly of Zoriah wrote:

How about this:
"I believe in the Big Bang Theory!" declared a Christian.
His atheist friend clapped.
"God said it, and BANG! it happened," answered the friend.
His atheist friend looked blank.

*Chuckles* Yep. A friend of mine used to be fond of saying that one...

Emmalina C. Mimetes · **Posted:** August 19th, 2011, 9:40 pm

Elly of Zoriah wrote:

How about this:
"I believe in the Big Bang Theory!" declared a Christian.
His atheist friend clapped.
"God said it, and BANG! it happened," answered the friend.
His atheist friend looked blank.

Haha!

Emmalina C. Mimetes · **Posted:** August 19th, 2011, 10:10 pm

This is one of my favorite christian jokes.

The Christian Horse:

There once was a man named Bob. He decided one day that he wanted a horse. So, he went to his friend's ranch. He walked around and found a very friendly horse. So, he asked his friend, Tom, if he could buy the horse. Tom said,"Sure, but there is a few things you should know about this horse. He is a Christian horse. You say praise the Lord to make him go, and amen to make him stop." Bob thought it was simple enough, so he bought the horse.

A few months later, Bob was riding the horse on a trail. He was enjoying the scenery so much, that he nodded off. When he woke up, they were coming very close to a cliff! Bob cried,"Oh no! What was the word! Umm... amen!!!!" And the horse stopped right at the edge. Relieved, Bob said, "Oh, praise the Lord."

I hope you enjoyed that. I really like it.

Aeleknight · **Posted:** August 19th, 2011, 11:16 pm

Emmalina Cedar wrote:

This is one of my favorite christian jokes.

The Christian Horse:

There once was a man named Bob. He decided one day that he wanted a horse. So, he went to his friend's ranch. He walked around and found a very friendly horse. So, he asked his friend, Tom, if he could buy the horse. Tom said,"Sure, but there is a few things you should know about this horse. He is a Christian horse. You say praise the Lord to make him go, and amen to make him stop." Bob thought it was simple enough, so he bought the horse.

A few months later, Bob was riding the horse on a trail. He was enjoying the scenery so much, that he nodded off. When he woke up, they were coming very close to a cliff! Bob cried,"Oh no! What was the word! Umm... amen!!!!" And the horse stopped right at the edge. Relieved, Bob said, "Oh, praise the Lord."

I hope you enjoyed that. I really like it.

I've told this one so many times! I told it a little differently but I knew which one it was just by the title. I think this one is pretty funny....though a little sad. Great one Miss Emmalina! *Laughs*

Emmalina C. Mimetes · **Posted:** August 19th, 2011, 11:50 pm

Aeleknight wrote:

I've told this one so many times! I told it a little differently but I knew which one it was just by the title. I think this one is pretty funny....though a little sad. Great one Miss Emmalina! *Laughs*

Thanks.

I tell it a little different when I am telling it to other people because I can be a bit more detailed. This is a sort of shortened version.

Fiona Mimetes · **Posted:** August 20th, 2011, 7:02 am

This is a joke that I heard from an old Irish relative.

Once an American was over in Ireland and he was trying to explain to his Irish relative just how big America was so he said "It takes me a whole day just to drive one side of my farm."

The Irishman replied with sympathy "I had a truck like that once."

Andrew Amnon Mimetes · **Joined:** May 14th, 2010, 4:43 am **Posts:** 4458

I've heard a different version of that one, Fiona.

eru

Calista Bethelle · **Joined:** February 10th, 2011, 9:15 pm **Posts:** 3095

Fiona wrote:

This is a joke that I heard from an old Irish relative.

Once an American was over in Ireland and he was trying to explain to his Irish relative just how big America was so he said "It takes me a whole day just to drive one side of my farm."

The Irishman replied with sympathy "I had a truck like that once."

Hehe, I like that one!

SilvieOfSouthern · **Joined:** July 10th, 2011, 10:08 pm **Posts:** 143

Emmalina Cedar wrote:

The Christian Horse:

There once was a man named Bob. He decided one day that he wanted a horse. So, he went to his friend's ranch. He walked around and found a very friendly horse. So, he asked his friend, Tom, if he could buy the horse. Tom said,"Sure, but there is a few things you should know about this horse. He is a Christian horse. You say praise the Lord to make him go, and amen to make him stop." Bob thought it was simple enough, so he bought the horse.

A few months later, Bob was riding the horse on a trail. He was enjoying the scenery so much, that he nodded off. When he woke up, they were coming very close to a cliff! Bob cried,"Oh no! What was the word! Umm... amen!!!!" And the horse stopped right at the edge. Relieved, Bob said, "Oh, praise the Lord."

Hahahahaha! I love that one! It's awesome...I've told it a lot.

SeyatassDragonDaughter · **Joined:** July 26th, 2011, 2:32 pm **Posts:** 279

Wow, you guys!

I especially like:

Fiona wrote:

This is a joke that I heard from an old Irish relative.

Once an American was over in Ireland and he was trying to explain to his Irish relative just how big America was so he said "It takes me a whole day just to drive one side of my farm."

The Irishman replied with sympathy "I had a truck like that once."

Because I've heard the others, though their REALLY funny!!

cephron · **Joined:** December 31st, 2011, 2:20 am **Posts:** 313

Another oldie!

A bunch of scientists finally figure out how to create life from scratch, using nothing but dust. So one goes as an ambassador to God, and says:

"Look, God, we appreciate all you've done for us so far, and admire your effort...but I regret to inform you that you're no longer needed. We can take care of ourselves now. We can do anything, even create life from dust."

"Is that so?" replies God. "Show me."

So, the scientist stoops down and grabs a handful of dust. "Be right back." He turns to walk back to the lab, when God interrupts:

"Hold it! -- get your own dust."

~~~~~

Denominational fun! Many versions of these are swimming around the net--some are in bad taste, but I think these ones are ok:

How many Charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one--their hands are already in the air!

How many Pentecostals does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten--one to change it while nine pray against the spirit of darkness.

How many Anglicans does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. Three to make a committee to decide when the light bulb will be changed and by whom, one to change it, and one to complain about how the old bulb was better.

How many Amish does it take to change a light bulb?
*blank stare* "Light bulb?"

How many Orthodox does it take to change a light bulb?
*blank stare* "Change?"

How many Presbyterians does it take to change a light bulb?
None. The lights will go on and off at predestined times.

How many United Church members does it take to change a light bulb?
Eleven. One to change it, and ten more to organize the covered dish supper that will follow the changing of the bulb service.

RedWing the Purple · **Posted:** January 18th, 2012, 6:47 pm

cephron wrote:

Another oldie!

A bunch of scientists finally figuree out how to create life from scratch, using nothing but dust. So one goes as an ambassador to God, and says:

"Look, God, we appreciate all you've done for us so far, and admire your effort...but I regret to inform you that you're no longer needed. We can take care of ourselves now. We can do anything, even create life from dust."

"Is that so?" replies God. "Show me."

So, the scientist stoops down and grabs a handful of dust. "Be right back." He turns to walk back to the lab, when God interrupts:

"Hold it! -- get your own dust."

I love that one.

SeyatassDragonDaughter · **Joined:** July 26th, 2011, 2:32 pm **Posts:** 279

SWEET!

hehe hoho haha hehheh hewhaho-
ahem.
* coughs *
Sorry.

Emmalina C. Mimetes · **Posted:** January 19th, 2012, 7:56 pm

Fiona wrote:

This is a joke that I heard from an old Irish relative.

Once an American was over in Ireland and he was trying to explain to his Irish relative just how big America was so he said "It takes me a whole day just to drive one side of my farm."

The Irishman replied with sympathy "I had a truck like that once."

I like that one.

Arias Mimetes · **Posted:** January 20th, 2012, 2:54 pm

This reminds me of the joke a friend of mine posted on facebook a couple days ago:

A first grade class was having show and tell and the teacher told them to bring something pertaining to their religion. So the Catholic boy brought his crucifix, the Jewish boy brought his yamuka, and the Baptist boy brought his crock pot.

Elly · **Joined:** October 22nd, 2010, 7:58 am **Posts:** 4197

cephron wrote:

How many Amish does it take to change a light bulb?
*blank stare* "Light bulb?"

How many United Church members does it take to change a light bulb?
Eleven. One to change it, and ten more to organize the covered dish supper that will follow the changing of the bulb service.

These two are my favorite!

Elly · **Joined:** October 22nd, 2010, 7:58 am **Posts:** 4197

Arias Myles wrote:

This reminds me of the joke a friend of mine posted on facebook a couple days ago:

A first grade class was having show and tell and the teacher told them to bring something pertaining to their religion. So the Catholic boy brought his crucifix, the Jewish boy brought his yamuka, and the Baptist boy brought his crock pot.

We were once a part of a Baptist church who had lunch or dinner at church almost every week!

Airianna Valenshia · **Posted:** January 20th, 2012, 3:35 pm

I'm a not totally traditional Southern Baptist (well, I have always attended Southern Baptist churches. I am weird about denominations, though)and my church has a fellowship meal every week, which is why I never get home before 3:30 or 4 p.m. on Sundays. Food and fellowship play an important role, I think, in bringing brothers and sisters in Christ together and being willing to lay down their lives for one another.

Baptists are always the ones who get made fun of for their food passions.

PrincessoftheKing · **Posted:** January 20th, 2012, 5:27 pm

Elly of Zoriah wrote:

How about this:
"I believe in the Big Bang Theory!" declared a Christian.
His atheist friend clapped.
"God said it, and BANG! it happened," answered the friend.
His atheist friend looked blank.

This is one of my favorites.

And, being Presbyterian, I found this one particularly funny:

cephron wrote:

How many Presbyterians does it take to change a light bulb?
None. The lights will go on and off at predestined times.

cephron wrote:

A bunch of scientists finally figure out how to create life from scratch, using nothing but dust. So one goes as an ambassador to God, and says:

"Look, God, we appreciate all you've done for us so far, and admire your effort...but I regret to inform you that you're no longer needed. We can take care of ourselves now. We can do anything, even create life from dust."

"Is that so?" replies God. "Show me."

So, the scientist stoops down and grabs a handful of dust. "Be right back." He turns to walk back to the lab, when God interrupts:

"Hold it! -- get your own dust."

That. is. amazing.

Calista Bethelle · **Joined:** February 10th, 2011, 9:15 pm **Posts:** 3095

*Chuckles* We go to a Baptist church, but we don't have basket dinners that often.

I found the denomination jokes quite amusing.

SeyatassDragonDaughter · **Joined:** July 26th, 2011, 2:32 pm **Posts:** 279

Elly of Zoriah wrote:

Arias Myles wrote:

This reminds me of the joke a friend of mine posted on facebook a couple days ago:

A first grade class was having show and tell and the teacher told them to bring something pertaining to their religion. So the Catholic boy brought his crucifix, the Jewish boy brought his yamuka, and the Baptist boy brought his crock pot.

We were once a part of a Baptist church who had lunch or dinner at church almost every week!

Yeah I go to a home church (have been all my life) and we eat dinner there every week... YUM!!!

Lady Elanor · **Posted:** January 22nd, 2012, 10:48 am

cephron wrote:

A bunch of scientists finally figure out how to create life from scratch, using nothing but dust. So one goes as an ambassador to God, and says:

"Look, God, we appreciate all you've done for us so far, and admire your effort...but I regret to inform you that you're no longer needed. We can take care of ourselves now. We can do anything, even create life from dust."

"Is that so?" replies God. "Show me."

So, the scientist stoops down and grabs a handful of dust. "Be right back." He turns to walk back to the lab, when God interrupts:

"Hold it! -- get your own dust."

That one is brilliant.

Arias Mimetes · **Posted:** January 22nd, 2012, 10:55 pm

Elly of Zoriah wrote:

We were once a part of a Baptist church who had lunch or dinner at church almost every week!

Airianna Valenshia wrote:

I'm a not totally traditional Southern Baptist (well, I have always attended Southern Baptist churches. I am weird about denominations, though)and my church has a fellowship meal every week, which is why I never get home before 3:30 or 4 p.m. on Sundays. Food and fellowship play an important role, I think, in bringing brothers and sisters in Christ together and being willing to lay down their lives for one another.

Baptists are always the ones who get made fun of for their food passions.

Haha

Can't say our church has dinners quite that often, but there's still plenty of food

The "Baptists don't dance" line doesn't apply though XD 'least not in our youth group.

Jokes hahaha

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