ATTENTION ALL SPLAT-ERS! (splatters? splaters? splatitis victims? splatty people? splat users?)

I stand before you today to call attention to a rare form of splatitis, the most deadly mutation of this virus ever to infect a forum member!

It is called Third/First Person Mixup Splatitis, hereafter known as TFPMS.

You see, a victim of normal, "proper" splatitis always speaks of himself in the third person, like so:
*is going to the bookstore to use the gift card she got for Christmas*

Now, an example of a TFPMS victim wishing to convey the same sentiment would look something like this:
*is on my way to the bookstore to use the gift card I got for Christmas*
Or:
*is putting money in my wallet and walking to the bookstore*

You see the difference?

A victim of the most common, less serious form of splatitis, if they were having a lovely bicycle ride alongside their dog (and somehow managing to chat at the same time, without crashing), would most likely convey it like so:
*is taking a bike ride with Spot*
Or:
*is riding her bike with her dog*

Now, a victim of TFPMS would most likely express those remarks like so:
*is riding my bike with my dog*
Or:
*is riding a bike with my dog, Spot*
Or:
*does not know if my dog can ride a bicycle, but is going to find out*

Don't be a victim of Third/First Person Mixup Splatitis. Get screened, get vaccinated, and by all means do not let those poor infected souls splat in your direction, lest they propel TFPMS germs toward you.
More information on basic treatment and prevention of all forms of splatitis can be found here.
TFPMS is a very real disease. If you suspect you have TFPMS, seek medical attention immediately. Properly medicated, with therapy, victims of TFPMS can potentially live a full and meaningful life.
The official TFPMS support hotline can be reached at 1-800-LET'S-CURE-TFPMS.

Disclaimer: I made up that phone number. (phone phrase? phone letter? phone algebra problem?) I do not, in actuality, know what will happen if you dial it. You're welcome to find out if you want. But don't blame me if you get some weirdo who demands to know what "splatitis" is and whether or not you're a registered nurse.

I don't need help, I tell you! I AM SANE.

*does not like to be told these things are a problem*

*because I am fine with who I am*






*eye twitch*

*is glad Shorty pointed this out to the uninformed population of HW*

I am pleased you brought this grave issue to the populace's attention, Mac. *nods solemnly*

I just read through that old thread and nearly died of pressurized laughter. xDD

I didn't realize the situation had gotten so serious.

... o_O

*is tickled*