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At least 3 paragraphs
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Author:  Willow Wenial Mimetes [ October 21st, 2009, 10:29 am ]
Post subject:  At least 3 paragraphs
I ran across a challenge on another forum, much like this one.:)

The basic idea is to re-write up to three paragraphs of one of your stories, only to do it from the perspective of your antagonist, or a character that you really dislike.
Author:  Whythawye [ October 21st, 2009, 11:37 am ]
Post subject:  Re: At least 3 paragraphs
That sounds like a really good challenge. I will have to do that one, when I get time to write. :(
Author:  Liagiba [ October 21st, 2009, 12:20 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: At least 3 paragraphs
You mean delete three regular paragraphs and rewrite them from the "bad guy's" view?
Author:  Whythawye [ October 22nd, 2009, 5:23 am ]
Post subject:  Re: At least 3 paragraphs
Liagiba wrote:
You mean delete three regular paragraphs and rewrite them from the "bad guy's" view?


I think she means rewrite them as a separate essay/story. You shouldn't need to replace the paragraphs in your story, just write them again elsewhere as an exercise. Does that make sense?
Author:  Liagiba [ October 22nd, 2009, 6:56 am ]
Post subject:  Re: At least 3 paragraphs
Oh, yeah, got it. I'm a little slow sometimes. :roll:
Author:  Whythawye [ October 22nd, 2009, 8:30 am ]
Post subject:  Re: At least 3 paragraphs
Liagiba wrote:
Oh, yeah, got it. I'm a little slow sometimes. :roll:


No problem. :)
Author:  Willow Wenial Mimetes [ October 22nd, 2009, 3:55 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: At least 3 paragraphs
Lol! Yes, that was what I meant. ;)


I probably should have clarified that. Here's my challenge...It's a scene between two villains, so there are two parts where I switch character point of views.

Maeve watched with stony face as the man she had tricked slid off the end of the sword. A stunned expression was frozen into his eyes which now stared unseeing up at the unforgiving, red sky. In one fluid motion, she wiped the blade clean and slid it back into its sheath. No regret pricked her conscience, as she walked away, simply a hint of anger that he had shown no fear of death.
“I’ll never understand why you do this,” said a suave, oily voice. “It’d be much better to simply break their hearts, and leave; let them live with the ache.”
Maeve whirled around, her eyes widening with the only emotion that could still paralyze her: fear. “H-how dare you come back?” she hissed at the specter that was materializing behind her.
A large, powerful looking man appeared, dressed in ruddy garments that blended him into their surroundings. His hair was dark and wavy, and his skin was unhealthily pale. “Hello, Maeve.”
Maeve blanched, and her eyes darted across the ravaged landscape, anywhere but Him. “I didn’t ask you back. You have no right to be here,” she whimpered.
The Man stepped closer to her. “I have every right to be here,” he snapped at her.
Maeve stumbled back over a clump of dirt that had been torn out of the battle scarred earth. “After what you’ve done to me...” she muttered. “What more can you possibly ask?”
The Man used her stumbling to his advantage, tripped her, and pinned her to the ground. “Your name doesn’t mean “intoxicating” for no reason,” he told her with a crafty smile. “If you don’t stop disregarding my rules, I’ll have to administer the consequences.”
Outraged, Maeve started to struggle. “You wouldn’t dare hurt me.”
“I certainly would,” the man said, stroking a finger through her dark, red hair. “In fact, I would quite enjoy punishing you…”
A shudder wracked Maeve's body, and she glanced away from him in defeat. “Fine…I’ll let them live,” she surrendered. “Please, let me go.”
The Man stood up, and helped her to her feet. “Believe me, dearie, heartache is a far more terrible fate than death.”
Maeve turned away from him, and shook her head, simply staring ahead blankly at the blood-red sunset.



Part 2


Ares watched Maeve's retreating form with a grim smile twisting across his visage. "You might as well stay with me," he called after her. "With your fiance dead, you have to move on anyway."
The fire-maiden whirled around, her claret eyes glowing. "Being homeless is better than living in the kind of home you offer," she spat. "Just keep your invitations to yourself!"
Anger as hot as Maeve's fire shot through Ares, and an instant scowl graced his features. "That was not an invitation, it was an order," he said, trying to keep his cool. "You would not be wise to refuse. Not. wise. at all."
He walked up to her, and snatched her wrist. "Take us back to Incendia Diligo," he hissed.
Maeve whimpered, and started to struggle against his grip.
"Kyrishma!" Ares bellowed. "Do I need to teach you submission yet again, Daughter of Malum?"
"No," Maeve whispered, stunned. She shook her head, a golden tear sliding down her cheek before she could stop it.
Ares took perverse pleasure in that sign of her weakness, and took her by the shoulders with a crooked leer. "Then obey me, and take us home."
Maeve, bowed her head, and nodded almost imperceptibly. She took one final look at the man she hated most of all, and then closed her eyes, and muttered two simple words. "Candeo Nex."
A wave of flame sprang from the ground, enveloping both Ares, and the fire-maiden, who looked away from him in disgust, as their surroundings began to melt away.
Ares started to laugh at the black pleasure that the fire coursed through him, and he looked down at Maeve with a mocking smile. "Thank you, dearie. This is so much better than Leturn." He was about to lean over and kiss his wife when everything came to a sudden stop, and darkness enveloped them.
"Welcome to Incendia," whispered a mico.

And if there is anything you want me to edit, then please tell me and I will do so. :)
Author:  Liagiba [ October 27th, 2009, 2:42 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: At least 3 paragraphs
I really like the two versions...by the way, can you post that story? It sounds good!
Author:  Arias Mimetes [ October 27th, 2009, 10:31 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: At least 3 paragraphs
That was AMAZING :D

I'll have to try this sometime... at the moment, I haven't written enough of any stories to get to the part with an evil charrie (I know, I fail :P).
Although I could probably come up with something that hasn't been written down yet. I plan the general idea in my head when I write something, so it wouldn't be too hard to come up with something that still fits.

Okay, just so I'm clear on this... it's like if you took a paragraph that was written in your protagonist's POV as they're talking to the antagonist, but switch it to the antagonist's POV as they talk to the protagonist?
Author:  Willow Wenial Mimetes [ October 28th, 2009, 8:27 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: At least 3 paragraphs
Yes! You could do that! In my story, I have those parts written from the guy who was stabbed's point of view. (yes, it sounds wierd, but it's true.;))

And...no. This story is not NEARLY good enough to be posted even for critique yet. Sorry. :)

But thanks!
Author:  Liagiba [ October 28th, 2009, 8:32 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: At least 3 paragraphs
I posted my rough draft of The First Arrow...yours can't be much "rougher" than that.
Author:  Willow Wenial Mimetes [ October 28th, 2009, 8:45 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: At least 3 paragraphs
Well, thank you for your interest, but, I think I'll wait.:)
Author:  Liagiba [ October 28th, 2009, 8:47 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: At least 3 paragraphs
Fine... :evil: I'll wait.
Author:  Arias Mimetes [ October 28th, 2009, 9:10 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: At least 3 paragraphs
After I finish NaNo, I'll have to post part of that story for this.
Author:  Liagiba [ November 5th, 2009, 9:53 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: At least 3 paragraphs
Anyways...here are my three paragraphs both ways. If anyone wants to see more of this story, PM me.

Suddenly, from behind her, a black-cloaked man walked up and placed a chilly hand on her arm, and spoke taciturnly and gravelly, “Prithee, exit not.”
Linetta turned in shock, and faced the dead-black eyes of Mordred, and she stuttered, “If…if you shall pardon me, I was just resigning.”
Mordred kept his freezing, pallid hand on her arm and growled, “I spoke to thou, leave not.”
“What wilt thou with me?” Linetta demanded.
“Thou hast just seen and heard of the dangerous liaison between my lady Guinevere and Sir Lancelot, hast thou nay?”
“I share not that which I hear to anyone whom I trust not,” Linetta retorted.
“Be that as thou wilt. I wish thou to know that there art a devilish scheme brewing with this amour. If I wert thou, I should note this well, for this should be the downfall of Arthur’s rule.”
“If thou predict downfall, it will be at the hands of one as unworthy as thyself,” Linetta growled.
“Watch thy tongue, prithee,” Mordred barked, tightening his iron grip on her arm, “I beg thee to mark my words. Lancelot and Guinevere share a bond Arthur wilt never break. I wouldst warn thou to abandon Camelot now, for thou art in possession of a sensitive secret. Were it to be revealed, twould be a deadly discovery. Do nay belay that information thou hast heard.”
Linetta calmed herself and steeled her nerves, “I beg thou to release my arm, or I shall belay that information.”
Mordred released her immediately, as if shocked to find his malevolence had reached the physical level, and he purred, as she departed, “Wonder not, thou ill-fated daughter of Pelinnore, if thou should find thyself in a precarious situation sometime in thine future.”
Linetta turned her cold shoulder on Mordred and marched away, managing to retain her fear until out of Mordred’s evil presence.

~~~~~

Mordred had heard the voices of Lancelot and Guinevere before; their “secret” garden where they spent their time together was not hidden from his sharp ears and probing eyes. As usual, he perched outside the gates to the garden, his face cloaked in shadows and his body covered in a black cloak.
But tonight, he found the scene more intriguing. With the arrival of Lady Linetta, the daughter of the accursed Pelinnore, there had been upheaval in the castle. And now she had already stumbled upon one of Camelot’s most foreboding secrets; the hidden romance between Queen Guinevere and Sir Lancelot. A cruel smile played on Mordred’s dark mouth as he watched her hiding from them in the vines.
After they had passed, the fair young lady exited the garden and headed towards Mordred’s hiding place; but he was ready for her. Rising, Mordred approached her as she turned and placed his cold, pale white hand on her bare arm.
With his low, slithery voice, Mordred murmured, “Prithee, exit not.”
Mordred could feel her blood run cold under his grasp and a prickle of fear run down her body. He had felt that before, and he loved it…the power of fear.
The young lady turned and glared at him in shock, worry etched on her young face and her brown eyes wide with concern, ““If…if you shall pardon me, I was just resigning.”
Mordred’s black eyes smiled cruelly. He could play with her, a mere game of words, for the power he held was far greater than she knew.
“I spoke to thou, leave not.”
Another tremor of fear coursed through her body, “What wilt thou with me?”
His voice low and oily, Mordred responded, “Thou hast just seen and heard of the dangerous liaison between my lady Guinevere and Sir Lancelot, hast thou nay?”
Linetta revolted from him slightly, stiffening and glaring at him with fear and hatred combined. Mordred only smiled more sickeningly.
“I share not that which I hear to anyone whom I trust not.”
Brave words, o young one. But I see your fear.
“Be that as thou wilt. I wish thou to know that there art a devilish scheme brewing with this amour. If I wert thou, I should note this well, for this should be the downfall of Arthur’s rule,” Mordred smiled as he said it—his dearest father would suffer. What a pity.
“If thou predict downfall, it will be at the hands of one as unworthy as thyself,” Linetta retorted, angry fire dancing in her eyes.
Mordred felt the hot blood rising and he semi-consciously gripped her pale arm tighter, feeling for her fear, “Watch thy tongue, prithee, I beg thee to mark my words. Lancelot and Guinevere share a bond Arthur wilt never break. I wouldst warn thou to abandon Camelot now, for thou art in possession of a sensitive secret. Were it to be revealed, twould be a deadly discovery. Do nay belay that information thou hast heard.” Mordred’s words were more a foreboding than a caution—he cared not for the well-being of this proud impish waif.
“I beg thou to release my arm, or I shall belay that information.”
Mordred looked down at his hand—he was holding her so tight that the skin on her arm was white. He let go, anger boiling in him at her sharp rebuke. Do nay think your sharp words go unheard, brave one. I hear and act.
“Wonder not, thou ill-fated daughter of Pelinnore, if thou should find thyself in a precarious situation sometime in thine future.”
Mordred’s angry black eyes glared at her threateningly and he felt the urge to strike her dead with his sword. Patient, Mordred. Your time will come soon enough.
Mordred felt a sickening pleasure and anticipation as Linetta turned and walked away.
Author:  Whythawye [ November 6th, 2009, 8:55 am ]
Post subject:  Re: At least 3 paragraphs
Well written! The switch of POV makes for an interesting perspective. Fascinating. I would suggest, though, that you learn a little more of how Classical English functions, because you had your words mixed up in several places. :)
Author:  Liagiba [ November 6th, 2009, 8:56 am ]
Post subject:  Re: At least 3 paragraphs
Yes, I definely need to work on that. What you read was a really rough draft of a really rough story. Thanks, though.
Author:  Whythawye [ November 6th, 2009, 10:06 am ]
Post subject:  Re: At least 3 paragraphs
Liagiba wrote:
Yes, I definely need to work on that. What you read was a really rough draft of a really rough story. Thanks, though.


I thought so. It is really good though. :) The characters are well done. ;)
Author:  Willow Wenial Mimetes [ November 6th, 2009, 1:43 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: At least 3 paragraphs
I don't tend to go for Arthurian legends, but I definitely think I like this one! (coming from me, that is high praise btw. ;))

I LOVE Mordred. He is so cool.
Author:  Liagiba [ November 6th, 2009, 1:59 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: At least 3 paragraphs
But Mordred's evil!!! I'm like CRAZY for Arthurian ledgends. I like Mordred too...thanks Jay! Somehow my bad characters come out better than my good ones. Lol.
Author:  Willow Wenial Mimetes [ November 6th, 2009, 2:34 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: At least 3 paragraphs
Well, I DO like Linetta. I just like Mordred better.:) He's intriguing.
Author:  Liagiba [ November 6th, 2009, 3:50 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: At least 3 paragraphs
I didn't really introduce Linetta anyways. I had to introduce good ole Mordred. I love bad guys; they are so fun to write from their POV.
Author:  Willow Wenial Mimetes [ November 6th, 2009, 7:04 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: At least 3 paragraphs
Bad guys tend to be just inherently more complex. At least it's easier to write them as that way than it is good guys.
Author:  Liagiba [ November 6th, 2009, 10:08 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: At least 3 paragraphs
Yeah. I really want to write a story from the POV of a bad guy, thief, bad "Zorro" sort of character. That would be awesome.
Author:  Willow Wenial Mimetes [ November 7th, 2009, 9:31 am ]
Post subject:  Re: At least 3 paragraphs
hmmm...well, it would really be easy to turn evil into a protagonist then. Or is that what you're going for?
Author:  Liagiba [ November 7th, 2009, 6:58 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: At least 3 paragraphs
Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. I love bad characters.
Author:  Andrew Amnon Mimetes [ November 13th, 2010, 2:38 am ]
Post subject:  Re: At least 3 paragraphs
How did I not see this before? I'm definitely going to have to try this when I get the time!

eruheran
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