I couldn't decide whether to post this here or in fantasy.... But I guess it doesn't make much difference 'cause it wouldn't make any more sense no matter where I put it.

It actually makes sense, though, really, it just doesn't seem like it.

And when it comes to historical accuracy – I'd like to know what you think. I think I'll have to change it. It sort of doesn't fit in really well, even considering the odd way I've set my whole thing up....

I'm rambling to myself because this seriously is no good yet, but Faith said I have to post it... o_o

So here it is:

“But my superior is a man who wants the world, and kills people when he decides to.”

“Kill him.”

“And baby...”

“Kill him.”

“There's this war.”

I propped baby Horace up on my knee. He wouldn't look at me.

“It started when he invaded Poland.”

“Defeat him. Kill him.”

Horace was a Slavik orphan six months old. He had wished to be a world power, and he was the one in three million whose wish came true.

“Horace?” I said. “You want me to kill him?”

“What is he called?”

“Germany's fuehrer. Hitler.”

“Yes. Kill Hitler, Canaris. Someday you must.”

* goes and hides *

Well I think that... wait where is she? *opens all the cupboards *

Well anyway, I think it is good for the mind. A six month old baby carrying on this conversation is good to imagine.

I do wonder, was he a world power when he was six months old, or was that referring to when he grew up?

He was it when he wished it, which was sometime before he was six months old, and he went on being it until he died. Maybe I can make that a bit more clear.

I'm a little confused. I think this needs a bit more background - or something. Is it a section of a short story, or is it in it's entirety here?



I don't get this either. :p What does the 'and baby' mean? It sounds like the person speaking is asking 'what about baby', the way I'm reading it, but it doesn't make sense with the answer.

Yep.

It's sort of... one of those... pivotal moment stories where nothing much happens but stuff will happen because of it and you know it will so it sort of fills in the story itself. Sort of. It's also rather a bad one.

Oh, oops. I see what you mean. Hm. Would it improve it if I put in a comma after 'and', like people usually do when they're addressing someone? Like this:

<“But my superior is a man who wants the world, and kills people when he decides to.”

“Kill him.”

“And, baby...”

“Kill him.”>

Thankyou for critiquing, Elanor.