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 Post subject: An unnamed series -- Critique Requested
PostPosted: December 19th, 2014, 7:16 pm 
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Location: Up, up, up and into the TUNNEL
Okay, so I basically was debating whether to post this here or not, but anyway it's here. I've already made three others, though the first one is basically finalized already.

The setting is in the future, and a few years after the comet passed. Our earth is pretty much the same as in my book.

Hope you enjoy!

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I don't write stories or novels, I write worlds.

~ Yours truly, Blayne B. Trent



"Home isn't where you live. Home is where you feel safe; whether it's four walls and a roof over your head, or with the people you love. That's home."



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 Post subject: Re: An unnamed series -- Critique Requested
PostPosted: December 19th, 2014, 7:17 pm 
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Book 1 – Cal Johansson


 Frank hastened across the tiled floor, no one was in sight. Or at least no one visible was in sight. Frank never trusted the empty halls, even if the guards said there were no cameras, he still didn’t trust them. Or the organization he was in.

 He was late; to be precise he was one minute and three seconds late, four seconds now. Frank knew the Mastermind wanted everything on time. Not a second late, or even a second early. All watches were synchronized to his watch, and the all the batteries had to change every three days.

 The Mastermind’s face was never seen, for there was always a glowing light behind his body. It was said that the Mastermind dressed as one of the S. F. O.s to keep an eye on his agents. But his office always changed into one of the vacant rooms all around Compound Shining-Light.

 Frank stopped at a plain wooden door, just like the rest of the rooms all around the compound. The room was labeled Room 34, knocking gently on the door; he heard a low growling voice, “Enter.”

 Frank knew that that wasn’t the Mastermind’s real voice, he always used a voice changer; Agent B-8900 had once brought a torch and shone it into the Mastermind’s face. And Agent B-8900 never saw daylight again; they considered it ironic since the Compound was Shining-Light.

 Frank quickly opened the door, which responded with a loud creak, making his soul jump.

 The room was very dim, since the only light was a single lamp on a wooden table just beside a white file with the word Confidential printed above. The other source of light was from the window just behind the Mastermind, who was wearing a hoody.

 “You’re late,” the Mastermind’s voice growled. Frank heard a gun being cocked, but had no idea if he was to be shot or what.

 Then the gun flew through the air until it hit Frank’s chest.

 Trying hard not to cough he caught the weapon and unloaded the magazine, which still had a full case of bullets.

 “Sit,” the Mastermind said.

 Frank unbuttoned his black blazer and sat down.

 “Take the file,” the Mastermind, the only sign he was alive was because the hood moved as he spoke.

 Frank took the file and flipped through it. There were pictures of a man around the same age as he, there were all sorts of pictures, information about the man, where he was born, and where he lived. He place down the file and turned to the Mastermind, “What am I supposed to do with this objective?”

 “Eliminate him,” the Mastermind replied.

 Frank gulped then placed the gun on the desk, “And what is the reason?”

 “You are not allowed to question your superiority,” was all the Mastermind replied. “Now leave. Take the file with you. Directions of how to attain your team is in the last page.”

 Frank pushed away the chair then left the room, wondering who Cal Johansson was.

~~~

 “Thank you,” Drake smiled, “Your help is absolutely appreciated!”

 Cal nodded back, as he neatly lay down the planks of wood beside the nearly finished bridge. Cal brushed his hand across the rough surface, his hand getting at least thirty splinters, he ignored them and straightened to look at Drake, who held out a wad of cash,

 “Please, I don’t need it, use it for the bridge instead,” Cal smiled back and dusted his hands, with a few splinters peeling off his skin.

 He walked away from the bridge connecting to one of the big cities down in the south. Once he reached his town, he went to each of the traders to see if any of them needed help, none of them did. Cal turned to the barber shop and greeted Hank the barber.

 Cal walked to the nearest mirror, combed his hair with his fingers, then left.

 A few minutes later he was walking up the trail to his family’s cabin. The noise of chopping wood reached his ears, and he immediately grabbed an axe which was imbedded into a felled tree.

 “Mom! I’m home!” Cal called out.

 “Chop the wood so that your father can rest!” Mrs. Johansson replied somewhere inside the cabin. Cal swung the axe in the air, testing his swing until he reached the halfway-felled-tree.

 Mr. Johansson took a step back and wiped his hands on his shirt, “Busy day, eh?”

 Cal nodded then handed all the money in his pocket, “This was all I could get.”

 “Good thing,” Mr. Johansson muttered heading towards the wooden cabin, “Not many are willing to give out money. Not after the comet. Oh so many…” Mr. Johansson’s voice trailed out as he shook his head and closed the door behind him.

 With four strong blows, the tree fell down. Cal then chopped off the branches, and began to chop at the middle of the tree when he heard a low rumbling growl.

 Cal immediately turned to the noise. A bear stood at least twenty feet away; Cal carefully tiptoed to see if it had a hump. It did; identifying it as a grizzly bear.

 Cal was about to silently walk away when it roared, he completely froze. He always froze whenever a bear roared; since they were his greatest fear.

 When he was still a child, during one of the cold nights, a bear tried to get in the cabin. It almost reached Cal (who still didn’t know how to walk), but his dad shot the bear with his gun.

 It left Cal shocked the rest of his life, he turned to the left and found two cubs chewing on some berries, and his eyes caught the claw marks made on the cabin by the attacking bear.

 Then the quad bike flew through the glade; the bear turned to the noise, a man in fully black (including his helmet and his quad bike). The man took out a shotgun and shot it through the air.

 The bear scrambled away, its cubs following her.

 The man stepped down from the quad bike still holding the gun, when Cal took a deep breath then said, “It’s kind of you to scare away the bear; very-very kind of you.”

 The man took off his helmet, and gazed at Cal. So Cal gazed back at him, the man had short hair, his black eyes staring into Cal.

 With one motion, the strange man lifted his gun and fired. The bullet went straight and true, slamming into Cal’s forehead.

~~~

 Frank lowered his gun, pushing his emotions of killing away, only thinking of the extra badge he would have. But his consciousness finally won.

That was easy, way too easy. He was helpless and scared perhaps.

 Then from the cabin the door opened and a man in his mid-fifties entered the clearing. Frank hid the gun behind his back and took a careful step back to his quad bike.

 The shadows hid Frank as he watched the old man take a piece of the tree. The old man suddenly stopped and peered around, “If you’re still out there? I suggest you be careful!”

 He walked towards the cabin shaking his head.

 Frank gulped as he lowered his pistol. This is getting weird. Frank walked silently towards Cal, making no sudden noise. He leaned over the man and the bullet was still imbedded on his head.

 “Crazy old man,” Frank muttered leaving. He sat on his quad bike, his shotgun in its case where he heard a faint voice say, “I-I can’t-can’t believe you just shot me. Are people from the city that heartless?”

 Frank leaped from his ATV swinging his machine gun towards the noise.

 Cal was slowly getting up.

 Frank gazed at him with wide eyes, his trigger finger shaking as he was about to shoot. “You-you, n-no one c-can survive a head-shot.”

 “No,” Cal replied, standing straight. He took the bullet in his finger then pulled it right out. “Not anyone normal.”

 With that, Frank pulled the trigger.

 Hundreds of bullets sliced through the air, the bullets seemingly went through Cal Johansson. Frank’s magazine was completely wasted when Cal answered, “Are you done?”

 “W-who the-the…” Frank lost his words as the light of his torch reached Cal. His body was peppered with holes. Meaning each bullet had hit, but none were fatal.

 Frank watched in awe, in horror as a bullet hole in Cal’s cheek disappeared, replaced by a new set of flesh.

 “A-are you some k-kind of zombie?” he asked.

 “No.” Cal smiled in the light, tossing the shotgun bullet to Frank. “I’m just special.”

 Frank lay down his gun, and took a combat blade. His work was getting harder every minute.

~~~

 Cal had no idea why he was wanted killed. But his conscience was fully awake and he felt the bullet slowly wedging its way upwards.

 Now he saw the slight shine of a blade in the hand of his assassin. So he quietly said, “So are you—”

 His assailant jumped in the air, jumping on a tree and launching himself against Cal.

 Cal grabbed the hands of the assassin as the knife dug deep into his neck; he could feel the blade slowly pierce into his skin as thousands of cell bloods spilled across his body. He shouted out loud as he kicked the assassin away.

 Cal staggered as he regained his balance, the blade was between both of them, and Cal could see the assassin tense, ready to jump. “What’s your name?”

 “What?” the man asked.

 “What’s your name?” Cal repeated.

~~~

 Frank couldn’t decide whether to answer, he tried not to look scared, but he knew that the fight was already one way. From the first bullet he already decided that Cal Johansson could not be killed, at least not with on shot.

 “My name is Frank,” he replied as he threw a broken log in the air.

 It slammed into Cal’s shoulder and caught him out of balance. Frank dived for the knife and rolled into a standing potion. He swung the knife downward; and Cal’s hand split from his arm.

~~~

 Cal watched his own hand fly across the bleeding field, but he wasn’t that sentimental so he didn’t care.

 “You shouldn’t have done that you know,” Cal said, feeling the familiar tingle in his wound.

 “Who are you?” Frank finally asked dropping the knife to the ground.

 “You ask me,” Cal shrugged taking a fallen axe with his left hand. He walked to the un-chopped tree and turned back to the Frank. “So who am I?”

 “Someone special,” Frank said walking towards Cal. He extended his hand for a shake, “You really are someone special.”

 Cal extended his own hand, his newly grown hand and used it for the hand shake.

~~~

 “So tell me it again,” Cal said as Frank stood a few distances away. “You were sent to kill me? On what purpose?”

 “I honestly don’t know,” Frank replied. “But I have to call you in.”

 “Call me in?” Cal replied.

 Frank nodded, “Say you died.”

 “Ah,” was the only response from Cal.

 “Although there’s a problem,” Frank added, “I guess the Mastermind knows about your… specialty. So you’re going to have to run.”

 Cal smiled to Frank, “Running is my favorite sport.”

~~~

 “You have to go to the south mom, dad,” Cal said, “There’s a bounty for my head. And I don’t want any of you involved in it.”

 Mr. and Mrs. Johansson nodded, knowing fully well what was going on. After all it wasn’t their first time to run.

 The house was completely wiped clean within the hour; and Frank watched from the distance, amazed at how well things could be collected. Cal had introduced Frank to his parents, but he stood in a distance in embarrassment.

~~~

 Cal turned to Frank as he watched his parents hike away from their cabin, “So where you off to now?”

 “My sister,” Frank said, surprised how easily he could make the decision. “She’ll be in danger now that I chose not to kill you.”

 Cal nodded, “Then I’m going with you.”

 “No,” Frank said gunning his bike, “You can’t your endangering yourself and… well me and my sister if you go.”
Cal nodded, “Fine. Safe travelling, and make sure you stay alive.”

 Frank nodded back and grabbed the handles and sped away. Watching the trees fly across his vision, he said, “Activate communication to C S-L.”

Line activated. Came the intercom in the helmet, and the visor came to life, a chart lined the whole entire visor.

 “The job is complete,” Frank said, and from the other line, he heard a voice say: Roger that.

 “Deactivate communication,” Frank said into the mic.

Line de—

Line reactivated.

 “Frank.”

 Frank nearly jumped out of his skin as he heard a voice changer; he immediately knew the Mastermind was at the other end. “Yes sir?”

 “You’re a terrible liar.”

 “I’m not sir.”

 “Another of your feeble lies; I want you to stay with Johansson. Be his friend. Don’t do anything stupid. Go to the city and wait for a day.” Click.

Line deactivated.

 Frank stopped the quad bike and headed back to the cabin.

~~~

 Cal headed to the west, jogging all the way. Cal already made distance a good distance between the town when heard the quad bike’s engine.

 He stopped and turned; to see Frank bumping up and down against the unequal woodland.

 “Hey!” Cal shouted as Frank raced past him and grabbed him by the collar, swinging him uncomfortably on the seat.

 “Where are we going?”

 “I got the wrong orders!” Frank somehow shouted through his helmet. “I wasn’t supposed to kill you! Just befriend you!”

 They drove for hours, and finally they stopped once they reached the edge of the road.

 “We rest now,” Frank said slipping out of the seat.

 “Really man,” Cal said jumping up and down once he stood up, “That was really uncomfortable, I was ready for running, not for sitting down!”

 “You’re welcome,” Frank responded sitting down and squinting towards the city a distance away.

 “So…?” Cal slowly said, “New orders?”

 Frank stood up in level with Cal, “Yes. And I’ll do anything to keep my job. So be a good man and be friends with me.”

 “Okay!” Cal grinned, “So. Where are you from?”

 Frank glared at Cal but replied, “Liverpool. Or at least what was Liverpool.”

 Cal nodded slowly, “So you live with your sister?”

 “No,” Frank sat down again. “She lives in the outskirts of what was Manchester. My parents died in a fire where we were young.”

 Cal nodded again, “How old are you?”

 “Thirty.”

 “And your sister?” asked Cal.

 “Twenty-six,” Frank rolled his eyes.

 “How does she look?”

 “Seriously?” asked Frank. “One more question about my sister then I’ll kick your butt.”

 Cal laughed and sat down beside Frank. “So you’re going to meet someone in the city? Someone who wants kill me?”

 Frank shrugged. “Based on other of my missions, I’ll be picked up by a Chinook.”

 “Chinook? What’s that?” Cal raised an eyebrow.

 “A helicopter with two blades,” Frank explained.

 Cal blinked at Frank, confused, “Okay. Whatever.”

 Frank stood back up, “We should go now.”

 Soon they were riding down the highway and Cal shouted, “Why do you answer my questions?”

 “I don’t like answering question!” Frank shouted back. “Just the idea that you’ll want to kill me gets me talking.”

 Cal smirked then leaned back into the air, “Good then. Do you have a girlfriend?”

 Frank grunted and kept silent, leaving a wide grin on Cal’s face.

~~~

 They rode through the city’s streets, speeding at every corner, until Frank stopped at a hotel.

 “We’ll stay here,” Frank said tossing the keys to a valet, he tightened the strap of his big black back and entered the hotel.

 The alarms immediately rang as soon as Frank entered; so Cal took a step back and tried to be as innocent as possible. Two guards came running, and they immediately stopped the alarm, once they saw Frank.

 “Mr. Peterson!” the receptionist said from his desk, “It’s good to have you back!”

 Frank gave the receptionist a nod and lay down his bag full of weapons in a luggage trolley.

 “Will be the couple bed—”

 “Two beds,” Frank interrupted, “Two different rooms, side by side.”

 “Yes sir,” the receptionist replied, “I’ll book you in now sir.”

 They went up five floors and entered one of three sub halls. Soon after that the hotel man led them to two rooms side by side.

 Cal took his backpack and entered the room which Frank did not choose. It was a large room filled with light, tables in a few corners, and a white-sheeted bed a few distances away.

 “Cal?” Frank asked knocking on the doorframe. “You satisfied?”

 Cal nodded, “Sure, pretty legit.”

 Frank peeked over his shoulder, as if he was waiting if someone was listening, “Just remember, were friends.”
Cal nodded, just as a phone in the opposite room rang. Both men went to the room, and Frank kept staring down the hallway.

 Frank reached the phone and he answered it, “Hello?”

 Cal watched from a distance as Frank suddenly began whispering in the phone. After minutes he placed it down.
“Who was that?” Cal asked.

 “Someone,” Frank shrugged trying to walk away, but Cal stepped into his path flexing his muscles.

 “Alright,” Frank rolled his eyes, “The girl behind you.”

 Cal turned around, and only saw a flurry of brown hair. He opened his eyes seconds later, knowing fully well he was supposed to be knocked out.

 “Told ya,” Frank said a few feet away.

“Johansson,” the voice of a woman behind him, “My brother said you’re strange.”

 Cal tried standing up but, he suddenly felt bonds wound across his chest and arms. So Cal place his feet to the floor tumbled headfirst, breaking the chair he was tied to then he broke the rope around his body. He finally turned around face, who he guessed, was Frank’s sister.

 She was just as tall as Frank, and had long brown hair, she was wearing jeans and high heeled boots and a tank top; she also had a leather jacket lying across a chair.

 “Are you also part of his organization?” Cal finally asked once Frank shook his head at the broken chair.

 “No.” she smiled, “Frankie just teaches me many things. So Frank’s new mission is you?”

 “Yeah, I think so,” Cal smiled. “So are you staying for a while?”

 “Yes,” Frank’s sister replied, “Frankie invited me, to travel the world this time, as if he already promised me that before.”

 “What’s your name, by the way?” Cal asked.

 “You may call me, Sep for September,” she replied.

~~~

 “So you can’t die?” Sep asked.

 “No,” Cal replied. “Don’t try killing me either. The floor will get wet.”

 Sep laughed, and suddenly Cal felt a sudden chill across his spine. “Something’s not right,” he managed to get out before someone shouted, “GET DOWN!”

 Frank and Sep slammed to the floor, only leaving Cal standing. Men dressed in full armour slammed through the door, and hundreds of Tasers lit the room, and Frank could tell that at least ten hit Cal and sent him jerking in the air.

 “That was fast,” Frank said standing up, and helping Sep to her feet.

 A man stepped out from the rest, his hair stood out from the rest of his group; it was obvious that his previous hair style had been a Mohawk. Since his higher region had more hair than his sides.

 “You must be Frank,” he said extending his hand, “Name’s Charles.”

 Frank shook his hand and turned to Sep, “This is my—”

 “September,” Charles interrupted, “We were told.”

 “Told by who?” asked Frank.

 “Mastermind of course!” exclaimed Charles, “He’s been giving out hundreds of assignments about ‘meeting’ new people.”

 Frank was about to respond when a man about the size of the broken doorway entered then said, “Charles, the Chinook is ready.”

 Charles winked to Frank then turned towards the rest of his men, who were placing Cal into body-bag. He turned around, in stern voice he shouted, “Kyle! We’re moving out! Where are the trucks?”

 A man with jagged brown hair approached Charles, his eyes shifting across Frank and Sep, “The trucks on their way. Ten second: tops.”

 Charles nodded, “CLEAR THE ROOM! LET’S GO! LET’S GO!”

 The hallways were empty as they raced towards the fire exit; one by one they walked down the stairs and ended up in an alleyway where two black trucks drove up.

 Kyle and Charles immediately secured Cal and after a few minutes, they were on the way to the outskirts of Manchester.

 They rode past a grove of trees, which were still standing from the comet, and a green coloured Chinook came to their view.

 Running across the green planes, they ran into the already open ramp.

 “Your quad will be delivered back to Compound Shining-Light, as well as the rest of your weapons,” the bulky man said.

 Frank nodded, “And you are?”

 “Hugh,” he said.

 “You?” Frank asked. "As in me?"

 “No me; yes Hugh,” Hugh said grinning slightly.

 The ramp closed as the Chinook blades began spinning faster and faster, and slowly the helicopter lifted from the ground.

 Sep sat down beside Frank and she whispered, “Is anything going to happen?”

 “Yes,” Frank whispered back, “Look for the biggest man, then bring him down.”

 Sep smiled wildly, “Well, this is certainly one great vacation, Frankie.”

 “Yeah,” Frank smiled back.

 Cal’s body-bag ripped apart and the marines jumped up, all of them very surprised. Cal leaped through the air and the marines who recovered their senses began firing tasers at Cal.

 All electricity didn’t have effect on Cal, as he jumped through the flying helicopter; and that confused Frank, why did Cal let them taser him in the room?

 Kyle was looking at awe as nothing affected Cal, until Charles shouted, “OPEN FIRE!”

 “What? But the chi—” Kyle got out before all the marines fired into Cal.

 Frank turned to Sep then nodded to her. Frank jumped up a chair, using momentum to tackle Hugh, “Sep! I need—”
“Sorry sweetheart!” Sep called out, punching a man, she tossed his gun to Frank who slammed the gun into Hugh’s stomach.

 Frank twirled around just in time to see Charles holding a gun that was pointing towards him.

 “Agent M-4092, you don’t have to do this bloody thing,” Charles said, ignoring the noise of machine gun firing.

 “Neither do you,” Sep said putting a pistol to his head.

 Charles was about to speak when large piece of the Chinook broke off, tilting the Chinook, and dropping off a few agents.

 The agents immediately stop firing to regain balance, and the pilot began swearing loudly, shouting for the fighting to stop.

 Frank kicked Charles in the chin and grabbed Sep, just as the Chinook pummeled a few feet to the ground. Suddenly Cal jumped out of the helicopter and right at the blades. It happened so quickly that Frank saw blood splatter in the air, but it simply disappeared.

 Frank grabbed hold of Sep and leaped right out of the Chinook just before gravity found its pull.

 “FIND THE RIP CORD!” Frank shouted as the fell. “BUT HOLD ON TIGHT!”

 “I CAN’T FIND THE—“

 Then the Chinook crashed into the ground below.

 “THIS IS GOING TO REALLY HURT!” Sep shouted pulling the cord.

 The parachute flew open and Frank grabbed the ropes as it ripped against his palms. “HOLD TIGHT!”

 Just then Sep’s hands slipped away from Frank’s body; thousands of thoughts rang through Frank in a millisecond as Sep fell.

 Frank suddenly felt a hand clasp on his foot and as soon as he looked down, he saw Cal grab Sep just before she went out of grasp. The weight of all three brought them down faster than normal, so Frank grabbed the strings using with two hands.

 Three minutes later they fell to the earth tumbling over each other.

 Sep groaned as she doubled over, hugging her stomach as Frank ran to her and gently asked, “Are you okay?”

 “Should never have taken vacation,” she mumbled back.

 Frank smiled then turned to Cal, “Cal, in honesty, I have no idea how fast you can regenerate.”

 “Can’t tell my secrets,” Cal smiled.

 Frank nodded and pointed to the helicopter burning in a distance, “We should check it out, as well as make sure the fire doesn’t spread, we don’t want to be arrested for starting a wildfire.”

 “Sure! What about Tember? Will we leave her here?” Cal asked.

 Frank shrugged, “Sep! We’ll check out the helicopter, if you want…”

 Sep raised her thumb and mumbled, “I’m fine!”

 Frank raised his hands in frustration then headed to the helicopter with Cal.

 The helicopter was engulfed in flames that Frank had to stop meters away from the Chinook, but Cal walked right up to the flames and checked out the helicopter.

 A few minutes of walking around the helicopter, Frank finally called out, “Cal, you done there?”

 Cal immediately came out, carrying a large container that somehow did not get burnt in flames. “Found this in the trunk, no idea what’s inside.”

 “Let’s see it then,” Frank said.

 “Shouldn’t we go back to Timber?”

 “Really? Timber?” Frank asked shaking his head but holding the other side of the large container.
They arrived and found Sep cuddling her knees; she looked up to them and said, “I don’t feel good.”

 “You should rest, but first…” Frank trailed off as he turned to the case.

 Cal broke the locks and opened the case. Gleaming guns, bombs, knives, even black armour and clothing, shone in their face.

 “Boy,” was all Frank could say.

 “Pretty legit?” Cal finished.

~~~

 An hour later they were under the cover of the trees, and the Chinooks fire still blazed, but it was a lot slower than before.

 “Are you sure there aren’t any survivors?” Sep asked.

 Cal and Frank both shook their heads.

 “Are you sure?”

 “Yes, we are,” Frank replied.

 “Then why is someone approaching us from the direction of the Chinook?”

 Both men turned around, a figure really was hobbling towards them in a slow pace. Carefully hiding the case, they handed out weapons and climbed the trees,

 The man arrived just as soon as the blazing sun went down.

 “September? Frank?” the man whispered his voice barely audible. But it was obvious he was deeply in pain.

 The man walked around in a circle then called out, “It’s Charles if any of you are blind!”

 “Don’t move Charles!” Frank called out. “We’ll shoot if needed!”

 Charles stopped and raised his hands above his head as Frank and Sep slowly went down their trees. Cal remained in his tree and watched from above.

 “Begin explaining,” Frank said. “You seem to know more than the rest of us.”

 “I will explain. But I know just as much as you do, although I have a greater level of knowledge,” Charles explained.

 “Really helping,” Sep replied inching her gun nearer.

 “OKAY! Okay, the Mastermind has sent agents of all levels to kill certain men and women, each of them pretty young,” Charles took a breath and looked around, “Unfortunately, I’m one of them.”

 “Ha!” Frank snorted, “You can’t be one—”

 Charles extended his hand towards the nearest bush, and a stream of flames burned from his hand.

 “WOAH!” Frank exclaimed, “WATCH IT?”

 “Still don’t believe me?” Charles extinguished the fire.

 “Yeah, we believe you,” Sep nodded eyeing him carefully and stepped back a few feet.

 “So what was Cal’s gift?” Charles asked.

 “Regeneration!” Cal called from above. He jumped from his limb unto the ground and stood up straight, “Apparently you’ve found friends.”

 “No he hasn’t,” Frank said raising his gun. “He might be wearing a flame thrower. We can’t just believe him.”

 “Frankie! You saw what he did!” Sep cried out.

 “Yes, things are getting really strange,” Frank cut his sister short. Turning to Charles he asked, “If you know so much about this special missions, care to tell me who you were after?”

 Charles looked around then whispered a name and a location.

 “Far place from here,” Frank said. “But you’ll come with us. Though remember I don’t trust you.”

 “I swear I’m not on the side of the Mastermind, and I’ll do anything to keep this girl safe,” Charles replied.

 “Okay! You both can argue on the way,” Cal complained, “Let’s go.”

 Frank and Charles both stopped and turned to Cal.

 “How do you plan on traveling?” Charles asked.

 “I have a gifted friend,” Cal smiled, “One who can take us anywhere.”

_________________
I don't write stories or novels, I write worlds.

~ Yours truly, Blayne B. Trent



"Home isn't where you live. Home is where you feel safe; whether it's four walls and a roof over your head, or with the people you love. That's home."



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 Post subject: Re: An unnamed series -- Critique Requested
PostPosted: July 8th, 2015, 9:15 am 
Writer
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Joined: July 3rd, 2015, 8:52 pm
Posts: 122
Location: That's classified, civvie.
That was a pretty interesting start, and a very intriguing end! Although I they have doubts about Charles, couldn't they just check to see if he was wearing a flame thrower or not?

You might want to check out the Crystal Falls forum. It's pretty cool, and fits the superhuman theme. Anyway, when you have more, I will definitely read!

Over and out!

PS I don't know your personal beliefs in this area, but bl--dy is a British curse word.

_________________
Evil is never necessary. - K.L.B.

I just used the one-in-a-million chance, so we're out of that too. - Trajectory

Whether you think you can, or think you can't, you're right. - Henry Ford

Unless we do the good that we could, we will neither see, nor ever be, what we should. - K.L.B.

Could smoke from the grill be indicative of razing the steaks?

Nah, I'm not special. Or I wasn't, and I didn't end up being the kind of special I wanted. That's...okay. I guess. - Andy Bridger

"I’ve grown up with them. (Dynamics, I mean. Not pandas.)" - Trajectory


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 Post subject: Re: An unnamed series -- Critique Requested
PostPosted: July 8th, 2015, 2:45 pm 
Grease Monkeys
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Hey Blayne, still looks good from when I read it! ;)

@DoodleWriter: I'm not 100% sure on this but my sister lived in the U.K. for some time and my understanding from her was that the word bloody is more mild language (like heck, dang, darn) instead of the swear words we may hear day to day. Anywho, feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.

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 Post subject: Re: An unnamed series -- Critique Requested
PostPosted: July 9th, 2015, 10:57 am 
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Location: That's classified, civvie.
Google says it means D--n.

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Evil is never necessary. - K.L.B.

I just used the one-in-a-million chance, so we're out of that too. - Trajectory

Whether you think you can, or think you can't, you're right. - Henry Ford

Unless we do the good that we could, we will neither see, nor ever be, what we should. - K.L.B.

Could smoke from the grill be indicative of razing the steaks?

Nah, I'm not special. Or I wasn't, and I didn't end up being the kind of special I wanted. That's...okay. I guess. - Andy Bridger

"I’ve grown up with them. (Dynamics, I mean. Not pandas.)" - Trajectory


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 Post subject: Re: An unnamed series -- Critique Requested
PostPosted: July 9th, 2015, 10:59 am 
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Not to say that either I or Google are faultless.

Yes, I just referred to Google as one would a person. Don't shoot me. Please.

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Evil is never necessary. - K.L.B.

I just used the one-in-a-million chance, so we're out of that too. - Trajectory

Whether you think you can, or think you can't, you're right. - Henry Ford

Unless we do the good that we could, we will neither see, nor ever be, what we should. - K.L.B.

Could smoke from the grill be indicative of razing the steaks?

Nah, I'm not special. Or I wasn't, and I didn't end up being the kind of special I wanted. That's...okay. I guess. - Andy Bridger

"I’ve grown up with them. (Dynamics, I mean. Not pandas.)" - Trajectory


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 Post subject: Re: An unnamed series -- Critique Requested
PostPosted: July 9th, 2015, 12:48 pm 
Grease Monkeys
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I would never trust google. Not even with my shopping list.

Between Bing and going to the library I have at least found that it comes from the phrase "by God's (or Jesus) own blood". It appears that originally it was used as a solemn swear similar on occasions to the American tradition of swearing by the Bible or swearing upon one's honor.

Either way I leave it up to the writer and what he (or she) deems appropriate for their audience and through their own research. I also suggest that we continue our research but through private messages instead of here to prevent spamming of threads (sorry Blayne).

Also, I have no current plans to shoot you... I think you'll be fine for now. ;)

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Chivalry: The humble, yet heroic attitude of selflessness, displayed by the performance of unselfish deeds, for unselfish reasons.


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 Post subject: Re: An unnamed series -- Critique Requested
PostPosted: July 9th, 2015, 6:53 pm 
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Thanks. Not trying to get into an argument, honest.

_________________
Evil is never necessary. - K.L.B.

I just used the one-in-a-million chance, so we're out of that too. - Trajectory

Whether you think you can, or think you can't, you're right. - Henry Ford

Unless we do the good that we could, we will neither see, nor ever be, what we should. - K.L.B.

Could smoke from the grill be indicative of razing the steaks?

Nah, I'm not special. Or I wasn't, and I didn't end up being the kind of special I wanted. That's...okay. I guess. - Andy Bridger

"I’ve grown up with them. (Dynamics, I mean. Not pandas.)" - Trajectory


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