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 Post subject: The Dark Age Of Bazryk (critic requested)
PostPosted: November 30th, 2011, 7:21 pm 
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So if you read my earlier post "In The Beginning" this is what happened next. Oh, and Hallmar is lord Vellöndi's son.


Waging war on Simrog the black the Dwarves invaded Banalogh, the Mountain of Fear. In which it is said to be the home of the Murderer. Setting the captives free the axes of the Dwarves rang out against all who dared defy the stone will of the Dwarf-Lords.
Piercing the darkness of the Black Halls the Dwarf-Lords came upon Khoudath the Black king of the Depths. Stepping forward in bold defiance Lord Hallmar challenged The Dark King, “Come hither, ye craven Son of Dark. Face the Stone Crested King of The Dwarves if ye be bold enough!”
And emerging from his black throne Khoudath faced his foe. Black as night was his cloak, and eyes of a cat, rimed with the very malice of evil and touched with the decay of death his black heart burned with anger. “May the darkness take you.” Said he as cool as ice, barely detectable was his parched, dry voice in the dark. “I will feed on your flesh oh great and mighty Dwarf, and you will die in agony. May the Darkness take you!”
and drawing the black blade of Death he ran it through the heart of Lord Hallmar. The black plague of the Death-Sword spread through Hallmar's corps like a cancer, and reaching the hammer of beauty, it turned to the ashen black of Doom. And in the rage of his father, Lord Hallam took up the hammer, Ghalzog. Being taken by Koudath's curse he crushed the scull of The Dark King like pick to stone, and as dawn takes night, the poison of the Death-Sword stopped at the young Dwarf's hands. With haft of ash, and head of diamonds the great hammer of Fear won the Halls of Banalogh, and by the hands of Lord Hallam The Black Handed did the great goblin fall.

~ ~

After the fall of Banalogh Lord Hallam pressed onward. Through snow and wind and the swords of ice they reached Hallam-Berg. The dragons of the north lands blew forth a storm in the heat of fire, and molten vengeance spewed up as the smoke of a refining curse bellowed to the heavens in black relief.
The halls where won for Hallam that day, and the oath of his father put to rest. Feasting and celebrating they kept not a wary eye on the trickery of the of the mountain, but like a fool who finds a dragons trove only to forget the dragon, they where ambushed as waves and waves of goblins in the deep black foam of a dark sea climbed over the marry Dwarves like a hurricane washing the white sands of a far away, gray cloaked beach into cold chasms of a watery grave. Attacked and beset from all sides, cornered like a hunted fox the Dwarves made their last stand, but bursting forth in radiant light beams of hope came crashing down in rays of renewing courage, and igniting fear in the hearts of the dark ones.
Swinging his hammer in the fury of fiery bellows the Dwarf king crushed the fell goblins like a boot to the crawling things of the earth, sending them to the abyss of whence all things of darkness shall go, one day fair as the setting sun. But Dwarf-Lords grow weary to, for soon Lord Hallam fell and breathed his last, nigh on victory. Mourned greatly was he, taring their beards in grief the tears of the noble ones ran down their beards, and clear as crystal they dripped to the stone of whence he returned. So great was the anguish of his kin in the land of his Fathers, for he gave his life for his his home and died to save the people of the north and the men of the west.
The rivers of grief came rushing down and behold, some could not swim this wide channel, but succumbed to despair in their empty hearts. In the sea of their tears dripping, dripping down their once merry faces into the pools of sapphire grief, they abandoned Man. For in their grief they shut their doors. And none could open them.


Thank you for reading! :book:

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Do hard things. - Alex & Brett Harris

"It is called 'passive righteousness' because we do not have to labor for it..It is not righteousness that we work for, but righteousness we receive by faith. This passive righteousness is a mystery that someone who does not know Jesus cannot understand.In fact, Christians do not completely understand it and rarely take advantage of it in their daily lives..When there is any fear or our conscience is bothered, it is a sign that our 'passive' righteousness is out of sight and Christ is hidden.
The person who wander away from 'passive' righteousness has no other choice but to live by 'works' righteousness.If he does not depend on the work of Christ, he must depend on his own work.So we must teach and continually repeat the truth of this 'passive' or 'Christian' righteousness so that Christians continue to hold to it and never confuse it with 'works' righteousness - Martin Luther


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 Post subject: Re: The Dark Age Of Bazryk (critic requested)
PostPosted: November 30th, 2011, 10:09 pm 
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Location: In the Father's loving arms...
Neat! I love how you wrote it in old English.

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The lies the world has told my children...
"you're ugly..."
How can you be ugly when you're made in my image...
"you don't know anything..."
How can you know nothing if I formed your mind with my own hand...
"you don't matter..."
How can you not matter when I made the sun and the stars with you in mind...
When you smile the world smiles back,
When you open your mouth the angels stop to listen,
The world was not made for anything greater than you,
You were made for something greater than it...
Why?
Because I love you.

Works in Progress,
Unnamed standalone book
Current Word Count 5,000
(On hold.)
Cloudy with Chance of Pain
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 Post subject: Re: The Dark Age Of Bazryk (critic requested)
PostPosted: December 1st, 2011, 1:53 pm 
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I agree - you wrote this in a wonderful style!

This is very interesting history. I especially like the end, where some succumbed to grief - and shut themselves off from those they had tried to save. Very good stuff. :book:

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 Post subject: Re: The Dark Age Of Bazryk (critic requested)
PostPosted: December 1st, 2011, 7:17 pm 
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:D Thank you! Anything that could be improved upon?

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Do hard things. - Alex & Brett Harris

"It is called 'passive righteousness' because we do not have to labor for it..It is not righteousness that we work for, but righteousness we receive by faith. This passive righteousness is a mystery that someone who does not know Jesus cannot understand.In fact, Christians do not completely understand it and rarely take advantage of it in their daily lives..When there is any fear or our conscience is bothered, it is a sign that our 'passive' righteousness is out of sight and Christ is hidden.
The person who wander away from 'passive' righteousness has no other choice but to live by 'works' righteousness.If he does not depend on the work of Christ, he must depend on his own work.So we must teach and continually repeat the truth of this 'passive' or 'Christian' righteousness so that Christians continue to hold to it and never confuse it with 'works' righteousness - Martin Luther


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 Post subject: Re: The Dark Age Of Bazryk (critic requested)
PostPosted: December 1st, 2011, 10:58 pm 
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Nothing that's coming to mind at the moment. :D Though continuing the story isn't a bad idea... ;)

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 Post subject: Re: The Dark Age Of Bazryk (critic requested)
PostPosted: December 2nd, 2011, 6:54 pm 
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:D Working on it ;)

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Do hard things. - Alex & Brett Harris

"It is called 'passive righteousness' because we do not have to labor for it..It is not righteousness that we work for, but righteousness we receive by faith. This passive righteousness is a mystery that someone who does not know Jesus cannot understand.In fact, Christians do not completely understand it and rarely take advantage of it in their daily lives..When there is any fear or our conscience is bothered, it is a sign that our 'passive' righteousness is out of sight and Christ is hidden.
The person who wander away from 'passive' righteousness has no other choice but to live by 'works' righteousness.If he does not depend on the work of Christ, he must depend on his own work.So we must teach and continually repeat the truth of this 'passive' or 'Christian' righteousness so that Christians continue to hold to it and never confuse it with 'works' righteousness - Martin Luther


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