P.D James said:



Do you find yourself feeling lonely? Do you think being a writer means you will be lonely?

Personally, I am used to working alone as a dog groomer, surrounded by animals. I love being lost in my imagination, and I never feel lonely when I am busy at work dog grooming, or writing. How about you?

That's an interesting quote. *Thinks*

Weeeell...I don't think being a writer means you will be lonely. I struggle with loneliness but it isn't because I'm a writer. God may use the loneliness in my writing, but it's not a result of it, if you see what I mean.

I wonder if the real reason that so many writers are lonely is because lonely people write more, as opposed to the other way around....

Anyway, that quote is interesting. I'm not sure that it really gets at anything that applies to me though, because for me, 'alone' rarely ever has much to do with 'lonely'. What is he meaning by 'lonely' when he says that writing is a lonely career? Does it mean that you are alone a lot? Then, sure, I can agree with that. Doesn't have anything to do with how lonely I am, or am not, though.

I guess what he was trying to say, though, is that if you are impatient with spending time alone just imagining things, then maybe you have the wrong career. If you are really a writer, then it seems like you would have to love being alone imagining things.

But it's not that 'imagining time' that really affects my loneliness. Usually my loneliness has nothing to do with my writing. But when it does have something to do with my writing, it always has to do with how other people react to it.

See, when someone asks me what I like doing, and I say I like sewing, then they ask me what I've sewn lately, or tell me about something they saw lately that they liked, or something like that.

But when I tell people that I like writing, then they don't know what to say. They just smile, sort of. Sometimes they ask what genres I do, or how far I am on 'my book', or what it's about. But in the last instance, you have to keep it short, or else it's boring for them, and you can tell it's too much information. Then they go on and try to talk about something else.

I don't know...I think writing is – sort of – well, I don't know what it is. It just happens that way. Writing kills all my conversations.

Another thing that the quote brought to mind is what some of the writing mentors I follow say about making sure you balance 'life' and 'writing'. Because 'life' is what good writing comes from. If you are 'lonely' as in separate from people or new stimulus, too much, then your writing is going to suffer for it. Yes, a lot of time needs to be spent alone with your characters and alone with your manuscript. But that's not the only necessity to being a writer. You need to avoid being too 'lonely'.

But I'm like Stephanie. I never feel like I'm missing anything by spending so much time lost in imagining. It's wonderful.

Yes yes, completely agree with this! Something I can definitely relate to.

An interesting perspective.

I really don't ever feel lonely when I'm with my characters. I love them a great deal and enjoy spending time with them.

Interestingly, for me, though, I don't actually draft and imagine my books when I am alone. Just the way the family dynamic is at my house, I could never finish a book if I had to spend time by myself when to do it. So, I usually draft a book in the middle of noise, people, movies, music - everything. The only thing I find it hard to write to, is loud music that has words - like CCM. I often can't write to that at all. But, I can write to something like Handel's Messiah, so it just depends.

All that to say, though I know what it is to feel lonely, it rarely has to do with being an author for me either.

It's funny because lately my sister asked me, while I was writing in my room : "How can you spend so much time alone with yourself ?"

Well, actually I am never "alone with myself" when I write, because I usually think about everything EXCEPT myself I think about my characters, my universe, about God.... but I never feel alone, neither am I "stuck" with myself, otherwise it would be unbearable don't you think ? On the contrary, it is so pleasant to use the ability to transcend reality that God offered to us and denied to beasts...

I believe that as long as you don't neglect your duties toward your family, your friends, and God, there is nothing negative in being a professional (or not) writer.

It is for me, because I'm rarely ever fully present anywhere. There's always his small part of me in the back of my brain that hangs back, watching and analyzing, as if it was someone else was watching through my eyes. No matter what group of people I'm with or what I'm doing, I always feel like an outsider.

I certainly don't mind the "loneliness" of being by myself writing, just as I don't mind the loneliness of being by myself thinking about my stories or my imaginary world. But I think Mistress Rwebhu Kidh was absolutely right when she said writing can be lonely in how people can react to it.

So true. Especially the fact that you have to keep things short and not bore the people you're conversing with. A hobby like conlanging (constructing languages) is even worse in this department, since most people don't even get why you would do it, and even if they do, it seems hopelessly nerdy.

The thing is for me, I am kind of on the line between introvert and extrovert. I like having time by myself, and it gives me energy...but I also love to talk with people, and that gives me energy, too. I love solitary hobbies like writing and conlanging, but I also love talking to people about them. And so when I can't really talk about them with others, it does feel lonely. However, my lack of people to talk to is partly due to where I live and my general life situation...so it's not entirely because of my lonely hobbies!


I rather suspect this is the reason, too!


Yeah, I've heard writers saying that they were glad that they waited to get seriously into writing until they were older - for instance, until after they had gotten married and had kids - because then they had such a richer life experience, and thus their writing was richer, too. Obviously, you can still write seriously even when you're young and haven't had much experience in life...but your writing should get better the more you see and understand of the world.


I personally prefer to write (or do other solitary activities) while in a room with other people. It feels more...warm and personable that way. That being said, I admire your ability to write while there's music and movies and lots of noise all around you - I still can't do that!


I think I know what you mean! I tend to be that way too. Occasionally I can get lost in a conversation and stop watching and analyzing (particularly when I haven't gotten enough sleep...), but usually I am.

Writing only makes me lonely in that I feel more out of place when I am around people. I work beautifully alone, whether I am multitasking and day dreaming, or just doing nothing, and I get on very well with other writers, for the most part. Being a writer makes me miss writing though. When I go out, hoping to have a good time, it isn't usually as good as it is to be around my characters. I think that's where the loneliness is.