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 Post subject: Hurion (Neil's First Essence Map, BTW)
PostPosted: May 28th, 2013, 11:34 pm 
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Location: The Running Rivers, Tall Forests, and Mighty Mountains of the Northwest
Power
_____Motion
__________Draw
_______________-the drawing back of a bowstring
__________Hold
_______________-a tiger poised to pounce
__________Release
_______________-the lunge of a coiled snake
__________Momentum
_______________-a ship-of-the-line with a strong wind

Intellect
_____Keenness
__________Humor
_______________-an arrow that finds the mark
_______________-a warm hearth on winter night
__________Perception
_______________-a blade that cuts to the bone
_____Versatility
__________Dynamic
_______________-a many faceted jewel
_______________-the sea conforming to the coast
__________Adaptable
_______________-an otter on the riverbank
_______________-a snake gliding through the rocks

Confidence
_____Implacable
__________Mastery
_______________-the best horseman on the finest horse
_______________-the lord of a strong castle
_______________-the captain of a great host
__________Strength
_______________-a bond that does not break
_______________-a cord that does not fray
_____Pride
__________In His Achievements
_______________-a father holding his newborn
_______________-the carpenter looking on his works
__________In Himself
_______________-the vanity of a king enrobed
_______________-the hubris of the larger army

Yes, indeed, this is my first essence map, and only a few minutes after writing it I am simultaneously proud and critical of it.

The main concern (other than the fact that it is currently in SEM, but as it grows will become future nested and therefore require FirstX) is that Hurion's only real flaw, inadequacy, or defect, characteristic or physical, is his pride. Pride is not exactly the most endearing problem for a main character to suffer from, which makes me wonder how much readers will actually like him (At first. He'll have plenty of sympathy-engaging problems later.).

Anyway, there it is. This is part of my character fractal for Hurion, so I plan on expounding on what I already have here, and then expanding it to incorporate elements from the What and How stages little snippets from the other parts.

_________________
I am Ebed Eleutheros, redeemed from slavery in sin to the bond-service of my Master, Jesus Christ.

Redemption is to be purchased, to have a price paid. So I was redeemed from my master sin, and from justice, which demanded my death. For He paid the price of sin by becoming sin, and met the demands of justice by dying for us.

For all men have a master. But a man cannot have two masters. For he will love one and hate the other. You cannot serve God and sin. So I die to the old, as He died, and I am resurrected to the new, as He was resurrected.

Note: Ebed is Hebrew for bondsman, Eleutheros is Greek for unrestrained (not a slave).


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 Post subject: Re: Hurion (Neil's First Essence Map, BTW)
PostPosted: May 29th, 2013, 8:09 pm 
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I like this! I especially liked these metaphors:

__________Dynamic
_______________-a many faceted jewel
_______________-the sea conforming to the coast

a snake gliding through the rocks

a father holding his newborn (I really like this one.)

In Himself
_______________-the vanity of a king enrobed

I thought it was interesting you didn't describe everything (the body, for example.) Yet I feel like I can understand Hurion. And I hope readers like proud characters; many of my characters suffer from it, including one of my mains! Confidence can be attractive, though, and pride is something with which most people have experience.

Your section on motion, "draw, hold, release, and momentum," was very interesting. I'm not sure if you intend to show the way he always moves, how he accomplishes his goals, or just the way he interacts. Nevertheless, it does open up the character.

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"It's a very difficult thing to tell stories that children can both understand and appreciate," she said stiffly.

"I don't agree with you," said the bachelor.
The Storyteller, By Saki


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 Post subject: Re: Hurion (Neil's First Essence Map, BTW)
PostPosted: May 29th, 2013, 11:14 pm 
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Cadenza wrote:
I like this! I especially liked these metaphors:

__________Dynamic
_______________-a many faceted jewel
_______________-the sea conforming to the coast

a snake gliding through the rocks

a father holding his newborn (I really like this one.)

In Himself
_______________-the vanity of a king enrobed


Thanks! The dynamic section was difficult for me, so I'm glad that it worked.

Cadenza wrote:
I thought it was interesting you didn't describe everything (the body, for example.) Yet I feel like I can understand Hurion. And I hope readers like proud characters; many of my characters suffer from it, including one of my mains! Confidence can be attractive, though, and pride is something with which most people have experience.

Your section on motion, "draw, hold, release, and momentum," was very interesting. I'm not sure if you intend to show the way he always moves, how he accomplishes his goals, or just the way he interacts. Nevertheless, it does open up the character.


Well, eventually I will expand the map to include his appearance and other attributes.

The goal there was to show how he acts and moves mentally. The force and motion of his personality, if you will.

_________________
I am Ebed Eleutheros, redeemed from slavery in sin to the bond-service of my Master, Jesus Christ.

Redemption is to be purchased, to have a price paid. So I was redeemed from my master sin, and from justice, which demanded my death. For He paid the price of sin by becoming sin, and met the demands of justice by dying for us.

For all men have a master. But a man cannot have two masters. For he will love one and hate the other. You cannot serve God and sin. So I die to the old, as He died, and I am resurrected to the new, as He was resurrected.

Note: Ebed is Hebrew for bondsman, Eleutheros is Greek for unrestrained (not a slave).


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 Post subject: Re: Hurion (Neil's First Essence Map, BTW)
PostPosted: June 2nd, 2013, 9:54 pm 
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Okay, that makes sense. So he's the type that figures out what he wants to do, prepares for it - and then nothing can stop him.

_________________
"It's a very difficult thing to tell stories that children can both understand and appreciate," she said stiffly.

"I don't agree with you," said the bachelor.
The Storyteller, By Saki


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 Post subject: Re: Hurion (Neil's First Essence Map, BTW)
PostPosted: August 2nd, 2013, 9:58 pm 
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This is a solid first map, Neil. :) There are some essences that are carbons of the word, rather than describing the word, but there's also a lot of essence in here that's carefully thought out. I like it :D

(Also, I'm flattered SEM still gets an airing now and then. As long as it can nudge more people into essence, I'm happy. I added your map to the official list :))

Andrew

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I am a dreamer of big dreams: a student of wisdom, a reader of books, and a crafter of words. I am a servant of my Master who has rescued me. I am an adventurer, living my life to the fullest. Will you join me on this wild journey?


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 Post subject: Re: Hurion (Neil's First Essence Map, BTW)
PostPosted: January 14th, 2014, 8:44 pm 
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Taking Andrew's advice about carbons, I've touched up this section, and added an additional item. I'm not completely satisfied with the headings and I think I need at least one more item to fully capture what I am going for with this section, but it's an improvement.

Nature/Persona
_____Goal-Oriented
__________Planning
_______________-the drawing back of a bowstring
__________Patience
_______________-a tiger poised to pounce
__________Beginning
_______________-the lunge of a coiled snake
__________Pursuit
_______________-a ship-of-the-line with a strong wind
__________Triumph
_______________-planting a flag on the Moon

Under Intellect, I've added a new section, Knowledge. The section sort of captures both how he learns and what he retains (a lot). The thing about Hurion is that his intellect sort of rushes up to new knowledge like the tide: from all directions and with great mass propelling it from behind. It can be an overwhelming experience for those who try to instruct as his intellect rushes up the beach and runs amuck on the sands. For some reason this section got very watery. I need to visit the ocean...

Intellect
_____Knowledge
__________Expansiveness
_______________-a great lake
__________Source
_______________-a broad river with many tributaries
_______________-a mountain lake filled by fresh snow melt
__________Focus/Direction
_______________-an ocean tide
_______________-a needle pushed by a strong arm
__________Understanding
_______________-waves grinding stones

I'm still working on a section to deal with Hurion's ruthlessness, which is probably one of his most defining characteristics when he is first introduced to the readers. Not that Hurion is cruel for pleasure, but he feels few moral qualms either. He accomplishes his goals efficiently, and nature of his goals will require cruelty. He doesn't enjoy that fact...he simply doesn't consider it. Hard to capture in a metaphor, at least so far.

_________________
I am Ebed Eleutheros, redeemed from slavery in sin to the bond-service of my Master, Jesus Christ.

Redemption is to be purchased, to have a price paid. So I was redeemed from my master sin, and from justice, which demanded my death. For He paid the price of sin by becoming sin, and met the demands of justice by dying for us.

For all men have a master. But a man cannot have two masters. For he will love one and hate the other. You cannot serve God and sin. So I die to the old, as He died, and I am resurrected to the new, as He was resurrected.

Note: Ebed is Hebrew for bondsman, Eleutheros is Greek for unrestrained (not a slave).


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