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Jessica
https://archive.holyworlds.org/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=7583		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  Sir Iarrthoir Criost [ February 27th, 2013, 6:53 pm ]
Post subject:  Jessica
Hi! I'm fairly new to essence mapping and this is my first map. I was following X+ but I'm not sure how close it is :dieshappy: which is why I am putting this in freestyle.

Jessica
...............Body {
.........................Face [
..................................Eyes (
...........................................color(
.................................................... <a bluebird>)
...........................................<calm waters>)]
.........................Hair [
................................Color (
........................................ <a sandy beach>)]
.........................Slender [
...................................... <a young sapling>]
........................Movement [
............................................<a doe>]}
.............Soul {
.....................<a mother with her children>}
.............Mind {
......................Thoughts: (
.......................................<wise as Solomon>
...................................... <a well spoken adviser>)}

That's it, what does everyone think? (Critique wanted)
Author:  Cain [ February 27th, 2013, 9:02 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Jessica
I love it! :) I'm not too used to essence mapping myself, so I'm afraid I can't give you a critique. But I for one liked it. :D
Author:  Sir Iarrthoir Criost [ February 27th, 2013, 9:06 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Jessica
Thanks! Do you think the part where it says “Slender: <like a young sapling>" sounds funny?
Author:  Cain [ February 27th, 2013, 9:08 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Jessica
No, it doesn't sound funny to me. :)
Author:  Sir Iarrthoir Criost [ February 27th, 2013, 10:00 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Jessica
Oh good, I was worried about that part. :)
Author:  Mistress Kidh [ March 1st, 2013, 11:37 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Jessica
Awesome! * excited * You did great with it, there are very few errors at all in the way you put it together. :D One thing: it isn't necessary to have all the layers in use if you don't need them. If you wanted to put a '<>' bracketed attribute directly inside a '{}' bracketed attribute, for instance, it would be fine. So you can take out the extra '[]' brackets in 'Soul' and 'Mind'.

The only other thing I noticed is that the phrasing of the metaphors are a bit off. The way you do it is you just state the object that you are using for a metaphor. For instance: rather than

Golthem wrote:
..................................Eyes: (
.......................................... <color of a bluebird>

you would say

Quote:
..................................Eyes: (
..........................................Color(
..................................................<a bluebird>

and rather than

Golthem wrote:
................................Color: (
........................................ <like a sandy beach>)]

you would just say

Quote:
................................Color: (
........................................ <a sandy beach>)]


I liked the bits about the soul, and the color of the bluebird for her eyes especially. :)
Author:  Sir Iarrthoir Criost [ March 1st, 2013, 7:10 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Jessica
Thank you very much.(I'm editing my post now :D)
Also one question, would
Quote:
<soft like calm waters>)]

be just
Quote:
<calm waters>)]

Also would you count this as X+ (just curious).

Thanks again for your help.
Author:  Mistress Kidh [ March 5th, 2013, 8:09 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Jessica
Mm...yes, it would be just '<calm waters>'. But unless you mean that the color of her eyes is like calm waters, you wouldn't put it in 'color'. Either you would be put it directly in 'Eyes', or you'd make another attribute for it under 'Eyes' like 'softness', or 'texture', or something like that.

Yep! :D

Oh – I just saw something I missed before. In X+ you don't have to put ':' after every title. You only put them there when you're using aliases.
Author:  Sir Iarrthoir Criost [ March 5th, 2013, 10:31 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Jessica
OK thank you, I really appreciate your help.
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