It's good, Phylis. I can't pretend to know loads about essence maps, but I like how you use really unusual metaphors, it makes it very interesting and seems to give me a clear picture.
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| Sergei https://archive.holyworlds.org/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=4475 |
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| Author: | Cadenza [ September 23rd, 2011, 2:54 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Sergei |
Sergei - 10 yrs. old. Other notes: Extremely artistic; Can't read; Sergei Body------------------- underfed cat / swallowtail / bowstring / stretched leather / gamin Eyes --------------- Color -----dark hot chocolate / fingers of a violinist after a long practice Gleam-----music genius / moon in a dark pool as the shadows of the trees dance o’er it. Depth ------stars in a well Action ----------------plastic bag snapping in the wind / child under the influence of a rock star or red bull / the fingers of a computer genius / Perpetual Motion by Suzuki / mill wheel / a fairy / a butterfly or hummingbird who never stops to eat Hair------------------- Texture ----stack of straw / mass of wire / reeds / birds nest Color --------Worcestershire sauce / dirty, rusting steel / dark wood stain Smile ------------------ camera flash / columns of white candles / Mind -------------------- Pump-jack / a ball of yarn rolling down a sharp incline / metrenome set up in the 100’s / a slug bug weaving in and out of traffic / clothes on a line in the Texas Panhandle Humor--------- purple tulip amongst the pink ones / fourth grader amongst second graders Strength-------Olympic runner / pump motor Soul ----------------------- Guardedness______rabbit hiding in a pipe / butterfly fluttering in a net Kindness_____ O’er flowing cup / bread given without another thought / the housewarming gift of a neighbor Please critique! (The format is a little wacky; it got changed up when I copy and pasted it, and I'm afraid I didn't fix it very well.) |
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| Author: | Lady Elanor [ October 1st, 2011, 6:58 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Sergei |
It's good, Phylis. I can't pretend to know loads about essence maps, but I like how you use really unusual metaphors, it makes it very interesting and seems to give me a clear picture.
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| Author: | Andrew Amnon Mimetes [ October 1st, 2011, 8:34 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Sergei |
Nice 'Underfed cat' under 'body' says loads to me eru |
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| Author: | Cadenza [ October 1st, 2011, 8:57 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Sergei |
Thanks so much to both of you! |
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| Author: | Lady Elanor [ October 9th, 2011, 8:30 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Sergei |
You're welcome.
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| Author: | Tsahraf ChahsidMimetes [ May 18th, 2013, 12:24 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Sergei |
This is a good one! My favorite parts were: Body------------------- underfed cat / gamin Eyes --------------- Gleam-----music genius Depth ------stars in a well Action ----------------plastic bag snapping in the wind / a butterfly or hummingbird who never stops to eat Hair------------------- Color --------Worcestershire sauce / dark wood stain Smile ------------------ camera flash Mind -------------------- A ball of yarn rolling down a sharp incline Strength-------Olympic runner Soul ----------------------- Guardedness______rabbit hiding in a pipe / butterfly fluttering in a net My even more favorite parts were: Body------------------- underfed cat / gamin Action ----------------plastic bag snapping in the wind Mind -------------------- A ball of yarn rolling down a sharp incline Soul ----------------------- Guardedness______butterfly fluttering in a net And my favorite part of all was: Soul ----------------------- Guardedness______butterfly fluttering in a net I like the name Sergei also; it fits this person. It is interesting that he cannot read. |
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| Author: | Cadenza [ May 18th, 2013, 1:39 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Sergei |
Tsahraf ChahsidMimetes wrote: This is a good one! Thanks! It's actually pretty outdated, but as I read through it, I see that much of his essense is consistent. (I've been using these same characters for, like, a long time.) I should try making another to see the differences. I think a new one would exhibit more of his stubborness and pride. He actually can read now, but it still isn't his "thing." I find it interesting that you like the "butterfly fluttering in a net" because I still see that in his character. Behind his tough exterior, he's sensitive and a tad under-confident. |
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| Author: | Tsahraf ChahsidMimetes [ May 22nd, 2013, 3:38 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Sergei |
Cadenza wrote: It's actually pretty outdated, but as I read through it, I see that much of his essense is consistent. (I've been using these same characters for, like, a long time.) I should try making another to see the differences. It would be interesting to see an excerpt from the story.I do not think we have many map and story excerpt comparisons, especially for characters that have been used and developed for a long time since a map was made for them. That would be neat. Cadenza wrote: I find it interesting that you like the "butterfly fluttering in a net" because I still see that in his character. It makes sense that it would be one of the most consistent things. That was probably what struck me about it, how it seemed to be foundational.
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| Author: | Cadenza [ May 23rd, 2013, 5:04 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Sergei |
Well, one of the stories I use this character in is over on the HF; it's called Relatively Risky. (These poor characters have been through many stories!) I think I will go ahead and re-do his essence map. I re-did his sister's and made one for his dad and other sister. You reminded me how much I like making essence maps! |
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| Author: | Tsahraf ChahsidMimetes [ May 25th, 2013, 9:13 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Sergei |
Cadenza wrote: You reminded me how much I like making essence maps! I am glad I did that!Relatively Risky is a good title by the way. |
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| Author: | Cadenza [ May 25th, 2013, 1:13 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Sergei |
Tsahraf ChahsidMimetes wrote: Cadenza wrote: You reminded me how much I like making essence maps! I am glad I did that!Relatively Risky is a good title by the way. I'm glad you like it. It was/is something of a working title. I did have Of Perilous Safety, but that is - awkward or something. Here's an updated map. He's also older. 11-16 maybe? Sergei Kelly Body------------------- underfed cat / violin string / stretched leather / gamin Eyes ---------------dark hot chocolate / fingers of a violinist after a long practice / music genius / a mining shaft with a light at the bottom Action ----------------plastic bag snapping in the wind / the fingers of a computer genius / firecrackers / an impatient driver in bad traffic Skin------------------Arab Hair-------------------stack of straw / mass of wire / Worcestershire sauce / dirty, rusting steel / dark wood stain Smile ------------------camera flash / columns of white candles Mind -------------------- Speed-------------A ball of yarn rolling down a sharp incline / metrenome set up in the 90's / a slug bug weaving in and out of traffic Humor-------------Bourne movie? / bored lawyer Strength----------Olympic runner / pump motor Soul ----------------------- Loner----------------hobo / lips clamped shut Sensitive------------butterfly fluttering in a net / sitting crammed up at the corner of the couch. Weighty/Duty/Protective-----"Brave" by Josh Groban / fingertips pressing the bridge of the nose / A family story of my brother (3 at the time) protecting my sister from a dog that scared him / “It doesn’t matter - I’m going.” Agressive-----------"You wanna say that to my face?" Compassion---------bread given without another thought / a child noticing a homeless man and tugging on his mom's sleeve Pride-----------------Arabian prince |
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