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“Anne dearest,” Aunt Eve said icily, “He is Sir and Lady Halton’s youngest son!"

“You thought I was a runaway villein, didn’t you?” asked the girl, panting shallowly. She walked quicker, and bounced her gurgling boy higher on her hip.

Breathing soundlessly, I crouched on my heels beside Jamal and noted, grinning, how peacefully he slept. Inside my cupped palms a lizard flitted frantically like a damp wisp of leather. I placed it gently on Jamal’s brown cheek.

Snip! A blade of grass tipped over, the small pair of nail scissors severing it in two. Snip! Snip! Snip!

Anastasia sat in front of an old hut, fumbling with a simple blade of grass as the time lingered by.

The wind screamed as it brushed through the leaves of the forest trees.

I am the King's knight.

Lance Juno felt a twinge of guilt as he placed the bloody knife in the dead soldier's hand.

Hunter Romero dodged a burly sailor's punch.

The sun seared down that day, beating on the plain until the dust puffing around us seemed languid, heavy from heat and humidity. Even the shade sizzled. Huddled under the patch of scrubby trees, I cursed the Elayan plain, though I’d never seen anything so beautiful. Or so huge. Or so blasted hot.

I have not always lived a life of luxury. True, it began in luxury, and it will end in luxury. But there was a time in between. A time when my bed was the ground and my blankets were leaves. A time when the sky was my roof and a bonfire my hearth. A time when I was feared, when anyone could kill me on sight. You see, I was one of Robin’s men. ‘One of Robin’s men?’ you say. Yes. One of Robin’s men. But I am getting ahead of myself. Let me start from the beginning.

The sun glinted off her rapier as it scraped along her twin brother’s, both of them vying for the position that would help them win the bout. His sword bounced up, almost hitting her on the end of the nose.
“Careful, Julian!” she exclaimed, pushing it down with her gloved hand. “You’re going to cut my nose off one of these days!” She lunged towards his chest.

I was the youngest of the famous four. In fact, I remained the youngest until Hananiah died several years ago. I guess it’s partly in memory of him that I decided to write this; I wanted to remember some of the old days. Hananiah was my brother. I mean is, even though he is dead, because I will see him again and I can promise you that. He is my brother, and always was.
Hananiah and I were the sons of one of the principle leaders in our town in Judah, and that was why we were specially marked by Ashpenaz. Ashpenaz was one of the chief servants of Nebuchadnezzar the king of Babylon, who had just conquered Judah. Ashpenaz really was a pretty nice guy, as we came to see later – really he was only following Nebuchadnezzar’s orders – but at the time we had no idea, because we knew next to nothing of Aramic, and here we were dragged away from our homes without so much as a by-your-leave.

We had only a few minutes warning before Lord Xell rode in with his soldiers.

I could taste blood in my mouth.

It’s never a good idea to be late to an all-important emergency meeting.

They were five days out of the Lovar Valley, and Tarrun didn't know where he was anymore.

“It’s abandoned?” Kennith demanded, his stomach knotting.

Her lips felt warmer than normal.

Everything had gone to pieces.

A mundane member of the Chosen would have put the sentiment in much stronger terms, and most likely aloud, but as the tenth leader of the Imperial Army's Corps of Mages to bury her predecessor in a fortnight, and the late king's third-youngest daughter besides, Persephone Royal held her tongue.

The Sergeant-at-Arms tapped his staff on the floor of the doorway. "His Majesty King Herald the Fourth," he said, "requests---" There was the slap of skin on skin. He winced. "Demands admittance to these chambers."

Ten Imperial army leaders in a fortnight?

That's impressive in an ominous sort of way.

Got any excerpt posted anywhere?

Nightmares chased him.
And yet he slept.
He must sleep.
The thunderstorm sapped his energy so. Such a lot of work to keep his ship from going under.
No nightmare would stop him from sleeping now.

Perspiration dropped heavily from the old man’s brow as he bolted the door to the stone tower. The turret’s lock seemed louder than necessary to his heightened senses. Fastening the bared windows, he was confident no light would escape and give away his presence. No attention could be drawn there; time was of the essence.

Swords clashed in a musical prelude. The sun glistened off their polished blades like glass. Stroke after stroke the metal encountered resistance, testing the strength of the wielder. Both warriors fought to conquer. Sweat poured down their faces, bodies straining under each other’s weight.

The swift patter of rain poured upon the streets of England, washing the grime from the pavements, falling from the drooping leaves and dripping monotonously onto the cobbled stones that paved the busy streets.

Amanda gazed at her husband wearily. He had never been this intent on moving before, it was usually the other way around; she was so happy here, it was so out of the way, quiet and peaceful. In fact, it was her dream home and now he wanted to uproot her again!

@LadyElanor: That sounds like an interesting story (the first one, that is) I love rain

eru

Author:	Constable Jaynin Mimetes [ July 7th, 2011, 1:08 pm ]
Post subject:	First Chapters/Lines
How do you like to open your book? With action or with description? Do you give a lot of backstory or do you let that unfold later on. Do you start where the story begins or do you begin at the beginning with the events leading up the the Event? What are some examples of first lines you've used?

Author:	Aeleknight [ July 7th, 2011, 1:35 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: First Chapters/Lines
I say start with action, either I like to unfold backstory as it goes on or tell it in a prologue if I have to. I can't (honestly won't) show you the title of my books. Because I have continued writing with very little editing AND I am almost sure I will change it.

Author:	Skathi [ July 7th, 2011, 10:04 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: First Chapters/Lines
I start with sometimes action, other times dialogue, and sometimes description! But always the story's background unfolds gradually. Generally I like to start in the middle of things. Examples? Hmmm.... Quote: “Anne dearest,” Aunt Eve said icily, “He is Sir and Lady Halton’s youngest son!" Quote: “You thought I was a runaway villein, didn’t you?” asked the girl, panting shallowly. She walked quicker, and bounced her gurgling boy higher on her hip. Quote: Breathing soundlessly, I crouched on my heels beside Jamal and noted, grinning, how peacefully he slept. Inside my cupped palms a lizard flitted frantically like a damp wisp of leather. I placed it gently on Jamal’s brown cheek. Quote: Snip! A blade of grass tipped over, the small pair of nail scissors severing it in two. Snip! Snip! Snip! bookmarks topic

Author:	Bethany Faith [ July 8th, 2011, 6:06 am ]
Post subject:	Re: First Chapters/Lines
Typically, I'll start off with the description, but the scene in and of itself will hold action... Quote: Anastasia sat in front of an old hut, fumbling with a simple blade of grass as the time lingered by. Quote: The wind screamed as it brushed through the leaves of the forest trees. Quote: I am the King's knight. As for the first chapters all together, I try to make them hold suspense, action, mystery, angst, or adventure, at least one of these things, to grasp the readers attention...my personal favorite is mystery because the reader wants to find out the answer therefore they must read till the end of the book.

Author:	Varon [ July 8th, 2011, 9:00 am ]
Post subject:	Re: First Chapters/Lines
Quote: Lance Juno felt a twinge of guilt as he placed the bloody knife in the dead soldier's hand. There's action, emotional conflict, and gives an image of what he does. Quote: Hunter Romero dodged a burly sailor's punch. Pure action, just the way the book is supposed to be.

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First Chapters/Lines https://archive.holyworlds.org/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=3774	Page 1 of 1

Author:	Lady Eruwaedhiel [ July 8th, 2011, 10:19 am ]
Post subject:	Re: First Chapters/Lines
I like to have what I call active description. Explain? Very well, I shall. Active description is when I use strong verbs and vivid adjectives to describe scenery or something else inactive. Starting with dialogue or action never seems to work for me, though I don't have much experience with either. I describe something interesting with bright, almost vibrating language. Like: Quote: The sun seared down that day, beating on the plain until the dust puffing around us seemed languid, heavy from heat and humidity. Even the shade sizzled. Huddled under the patch of scrubby trees, I cursed the Elayan plain, though I’d never seen anything so beautiful. Or so huge. Or so blasted hot. In the first chapters, as a rule, I try to leave out all the backstory, history and scenery that isn't absolutely necessary. Some people say to leave everything but action out altogether, but I don't believe that's prudent in a fantasy novel that begins in another world. You have to have some description to figure out what's going on, depending on how foreign that other world is. But having an information dump is a big no-no. Weave the description and scenery into the action, and it works much better when you're trying to keep the tentative reader involved. Just my 0.02.

Author:	Aeleknight [ July 8th, 2011, 10:21 am ]
Post subject:	Re: First Chapters/Lines
So Honored to be among such talented and awesome writers!

Author:	Zoe M. Scrivener [ July 8th, 2011, 5:30 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: First Chapters/Lines
How I start a book really depends on the book. My first book started with background: The Masked Bird wrote: I have not always lived a life of luxury. True, it began in luxury, and it will end in luxury. But there was a time in between. A time when my bed was the ground and my blankets were leaves. A time when the sky was my roof and a bonfire my hearth. A time when I was feared, when anyone could kill me on sight. You see, I was one of Robin’s men. ‘One of Robin’s men?’ you say. Yes. One of Robin’s men. But I am getting ahead of myself. Let me start from the beginning. Another book started in the middle of the action and later used flashbacks to give background: Keeper of the Sword wrote: The sun glinted off her rapier as it scraped along her twin brother’s, both of them vying for the position that would help them win the bout. His sword bounced up, almost hitting her on the end of the nose. “Careful, Julian!” she exclaimed, pushing it down with her gloved hand. “You’re going to cut my nose off one of these days!” She lunged towards his chest.

Author:	Camille Esther [ July 9th, 2011, 3:20 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: First Chapters/Lines
I like to have a fair amount of backstory in the first chapter/chapters. That way I know what I'm dealing with. Obviously it doesn't have to be a long narrative (though I have been guilty of that before), but I like to know where the arrow is shooting from. Historical fiction, anyone? Quote: I was the youngest of the famous four. In fact, I remained the youngest until Hananiah died several years ago. I guess it’s partly in memory of him that I decided to write this; I wanted to remember some of the old days. Hananiah was my brother. I mean is, even though he is dead, because I will see him again and I can promise you that. He is my brother, and always was. Hananiah and I were the sons of one of the principle leaders in our town in Judah, and that was why we were specially marked by Ashpenaz. Ashpenaz was one of the chief servants of Nebuchadnezzar the king of Babylon, who had just conquered Judah. Ashpenaz really was a pretty nice guy, as we came to see later – really he was only following Nebuchadnezzar’s orders – but at the time we had no idea, because we knew next to nothing of Aramic, and here we were dragged away from our homes without so much as a by-your-leave.

Author:	Leandra Falconwing [ July 11th, 2011, 10:55 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: First Chapters/Lines
I'm not sure if I have a typical way to do first lines. Sometimes there's action, sometimes it's dialogue, sometimes I think it's even description. I usually try to make it something interesting, something that has a chance of catching attention, but that's probably the only "rule." As for the first chapter...I tend to start in the middle or at the beginning of something happening, whether that's action or a discussion or something else. shrug Lessee, some examples of first lines I've written... Quote: We had only a few minutes warning before Lord Xell rode in with his soldiers. Quote: I could taste blood in my mouth. Quote: It’s never a good idea to be late to an all-important emergency meeting. Quote: They were five days out of the Lovar Valley, and Tarrun didn't know where he was anymore. Quote: “It’s abandoned?” Kennith demanded, his stomach knotting. Quote: Her lips felt warmer than normal. Anyway, there's a few of my first lines. I apparently use dialogue at the beginning less often than I was thinking; I had to do some hunting to find one that started with dialogue. Same with action; most of my samples here don't actually contain much, if any, action. shrug Oh well. Like I said, my only "rule" is that it be at least a little interesting.

Author:	kingjon [ July 12th, 2011, 1:18 am ]
Post subject:	Re: First Chapters/Lines
Whatever I begin a story with---action (physical or political), a backstory data-dump, it always seems to be very different from the rest of that story. The first sentences of one of the things I'm trying to work on now, An Internal Conflict: Quote: Everything had gone to pieces. A mundane member of the Chosen would have put the sentiment in much stronger terms, and most likely aloud, but as the tenth leader of the Imperial Army's Corps of Mages to bury her predecessor in a fortnight, and the late king's third-youngest daughter besides, Persephone Royal held her tongue. (That's the beginning of the prologue that even I can see is an infodump, but that is absolutely necessary for what comes afterward to make sense--so I need to cut it down as much as possible while retaining essential information. But such revision is difficult, slow going, and frustrating.) The first paragraph of another WIP, Sunshine Civil War: Quote: The Sergeant-at-Arms tapped his staff on the floor of the doorway. "His Majesty King Herald the Fourth," he said, "requests---" There was the slap of skin on skin. He winced. "Demands admittance to these chambers."

Author:	Constable Jaynin Mimetes [ July 12th, 2011, 8:51 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: First Chapters/Lines
Wow, kingjon, I'm very curious about the first one you posted! Ten Imperial army leaders in a fortnight? That's impressive in an ominous sort of way. Got any excerpt posted anywhere?

Author:	kingjon [ July 12th, 2011, 9:59 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: First Chapters/Lines
Vanya Katerina Jaynin wrote: Ten Imperial army leaders in a fortnight? Worse, ten Corps of Mages leaders in a fortnight. I expect the entire regular army was wiped out early in the war. Vanya Katerina Jaynin wrote: That's impressive in an ominous sort of way. Good; the purpose of the whole 950-word prologue is to demonstrate the truth of the first sentence ("Everything had gone to pieces"), show Persephone coming to the realization that it's all her fault, and bring her past despair to the prayer of faith, because ... well, it's not too much of a spoiler to tell you that the working subtitle is "A Second Time Around". Vanya Katerina Jaynin wrote: Got any excerpt posted anywhere? For a while, at least, I've got a few chapters of (a perhaps somewhat earlier version of) the current draft here. And I may post in the Fireside; we'll see.

Author:	Melody Kondrael [ July 13th, 2011, 9:04 am ]
Post subject:	Re: First Chapters/Lines
I just like jumping into the story. Like a movie. The more cinematic the better. XD Quote: Nightmares chased him. And yet he slept. He must sleep. The thunderstorm sapped his energy so. Such a lot of work to keep his ship from going under. No nightmare would stop him from sleeping now. I probably have more but they're not handy. XD

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Author:	Airianna Valenshia [ July 13th, 2011, 4:17 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: First Chapters/Lines
goes to get her starting paragraphs This one is for Mark of the Diegose Quote: Perspiration dropped heavily from the old man’s brow as he bolted the door to the stone tower. The turret’s lock seemed louder than necessary to his heightened senses. Fastening the bared windows, he was confident no light would escape and give away his presence. No attention could be drawn there; time was of the essence. This one is for Mark of the Rider, which of course is on its first draft, so this is subject to change. Quote: Swords clashed in a musical prelude. The sun glistened off their polished blades like glass. Stroke after stroke the metal encountered resistance, testing the strength of the wielder. Both warriors fought to conquer. Sweat poured down their faces, bodies straining under each other’s weight.

Author:	Lady Elanor [ July 13th, 2011, 4:27 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: First Chapters/Lines
Quote: The swift patter of rain poured upon the streets of England, washing the grime from the pavements, falling from the drooping leaves and dripping monotonously onto the cobbled stones that paved the busy streets. This is an example from the start of one of mine; it's not fantasy, sorry! Quote: Amanda gazed at her husband wearily. He had never been this intent on moving before, it was usually the other way around; she was so happy here, it was so out of the way, quiet and peaceful. In fact, it was her dream home and now he wanted to uproot her again! Above: my Sci Fi story started off much differently!

Author:	Andrew Amnon Mimetes [ July 20th, 2011, 8:39 am ]
Post subject:	Re: First Chapters/Lines
@LadyElanor: That sounds like an interesting story (the first one, that is) I love rain eru

Author:	Lady Elanor [ July 20th, 2011, 10:30 am ]
Post subject:	Re: First Chapters/Lines
eruheran wrote: @LadyElanor: That sounds like an interesting story (the first one, that is) I love rain eru Thanks! 'Tis my historical novel, Eru. I am so looking forward to doing loads of historical research for it which is my next goal before I write too much more, as I want to add in some interesting facts. Cough Sorry for derailing, I am really excited about it at the moment though.