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Candy's Essence
https://archive.holyworlds.org/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=2118		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  Elly [ February 4th, 2011, 4:48 pm ]
Post subject:  Candy's Essence
Candy

Appearance
Hair
.....-Sun's rays
Long
.....-Willow tree
Smile
.....-Endless river
.....-Rose
Face
Kind
.....-Helping hand

Personality
Sweet
.....-Penny candy
.....-Chocolate
.....-Ruby lips
Funny
.....-Comedian
.....-Joke
Author:  Rachel Newhouse [ February 4th, 2011, 5:57 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Candy's Essence
She sounds like someone who is simple and sweet - and probably laughs a lot. Candy is a good name. :D

I would probably try and use some metaphors that are a little longer, more specific, and more descriptive. "Sun's rays" paints a specific picture, but "river" is vaguer. A river can have a lot of feels depending on its type and how it's used. :D
Author:  Elly [ February 5th, 2011, 2:43 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Candy's Essence
In fact, the title of my book is "Sweet as Candy"! :D

For "river", I think that "broad river" or "endless river" is a stronger metaphor. What do you think? :)
Author:  Rachel Newhouse [ February 5th, 2011, 4:41 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Candy's Essence
Only you know what you're going for with "river"! Both of those paint a more specific picture, though.
Author:  Kiev Shawn [ February 5th, 2011, 4:43 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Candy's Essence
I like it, Elly! (And I must say I'm intrigued further by your story)

You can have very long\detailed metaphors... :D They add definition and clarity, if I'm making any sense at all.
Author:  Elly [ February 5th, 2011, 7:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Candy's Essence
It makes perfect, unperfect sense. ;)

I'm going to edit my post and put "endless river". :D
Author:  Lady Shanai-Irisis [ February 17th, 2011, 12:19 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Candy's Essence
Yes, Elly, I echo what the others have said. But she does seem like a very sweet, simple girl!
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