Alright, here it is. Let's see who can tell this story in the fewest number of words:

Greenville loves baseball. Everyone watches it. Everyone plays it. John loves it too, but he's not good at it. He can't hit. He can't catch. He's not fast. Every day he throws at a red circle he drew on the fence, and he plays by himself because no one will pick him for their team. Well, he almost play's alone. John's dog Rocky loves to fetch the ball after it's hit the fence and return it to John. John loves to try to fake out Rocky, so he tries throwing the ball different ways to see if he can trick Rocky.

Then the dreaded day comes when gym class at school is about baseball. Now somebody will have to pick John for their team. John's team puts him in right field and last in the batting order. But in the last inning, for some reason the gym teacher makes a change and John has to pitch. Maybe it's because John's team is losing 10-1, so it doesn't matter. As fate would have it, Rusty comes up to bat - the star of the school baseball team. John doesn't understand why he decides to do it, but he decides to treat Rusty like his pet dog. He tries to trick him. And it works. Rusty strikes out.

In the locker room afterward, Rusty makes John pay for striking him out, but the gym teacher intervenes and sends Rusty to detention.

John is walking home from school - or rather limping due to his wounds, when he remembers he left his math homework behind. He turns back, and fate seems determined to torture him again. Just as he arrives, Rusty is released from detention. The look in Rusty's eyes explains everything that is about to happen to John.

As Rusty approaches, John says, "You can beat me up every day. But for every day you beat me, I'll strike you out the next day. Or I could teach you how to read a pitch. No one will ever hit better than you."

Let me try to prompt some conversation. On first glance the story probably appears pretty bland - even cliche ... and it is. But if you've ever had to confront a bully, it feels anything but cliche. It's a very powerful, personal experience. So, how can you make a flat story come alive for a reader? There are probably thousands of ways to tell this story - each one unique. Flash is about getting at the essence of what you want to say and throwing away the rest. So how about something like this:

Greenville News page one: hometown heroes - baseball stars - friends since childhood. Page ten obituaries - a gym teacher.

Just to clarify, we are supposed to take the story idea from your first post and write it out in as short of a story as we can find possible?

Yes.

The pain in his side and right leg was almost unbearable as John limped toward home. He'd made it one block before stopping suddenly and dropping his backpack off his shoulders. He hurriedly searched the overstuffed pack. It wasn't there.

John bit his lip and glanced at his wrist. Rusty would be leaving detention soon. Did he dare go back for his math homework? With a sigh, John limped back toward the school. He didn't really have a choice.

As he left the school again, a voice stopped him halfway across the parking lot. John closed his eyes and breathed a quick prayer for wisdom.

"John Boy, you stuck around for me to beat you up again?" Rusty sneered.

John spun around, ignoring the shooting pain in his leg. "No, I stuck around to tell you something else. You can beat me up as much as you want, but each time you do, I'll strike you out. Or you can let me teach you how to read a pitch so no one can be a better batter than you. Which is it?"

Rusty stared John in the eyes and John forced himself to hold eye contact. "When and where would you teach me?"

"After school at my house."

Rusty stuck out his hand and an almost-friendly smile played at the corner of his mouth. "You've got a deal."

I really like the beginning. It builds the tension well. I would say, though ... I hope you don't mind a few friendly suggestions ... that the ending lets the tension dissipate too quickly. I don't think Rusty would change direction that quickly. So, how about something like this:

Rusty stared John in the eyes and John forced himself to hold eye contact. "The field's right over there. Prove you can strike me out again, and maybe I won't beat you up."

John stuck out his hand. "You've got a deal."

My second question would be: Can you make it even shorter? What is absolutely essential to the story?

Hmm. Good ideas. I'll see what I can do with it when I have a little more time.