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Marriage and Courtship Like all other relationships, marriages are viewed as business transactions in Volk culture. The primary goal of a marriage is to advance one in society or help one earn a more stable living. Fathers seek to marry their daughters to men with stable jobs, while men marry women that will help provide the family with a better life.
Unfortunately, this focus on advancement causes society to look at marriage as a liability. Unless a woman can help a man with his profession, a wife may be little more a dependant and a distraction. Therefore, it is not unusual for men to wait to marry until later in life, when they are past their working prime and have an established job. Many men do not marry until their 30s or even 40s. As a result, women are often married to men that are twice their age.
A woman comes of age whenever her father declares her available for marriage. Because the Volk do not count years or days, the age at which a girl becomes available is relative and is usually based on physical appearance, though it averages at 16-18 our-world years. Most fathers attempt to marry their daughters off young so that the girls will be well-provided for – and so that they will no longer be a liability in their father’s home.
There are two things a woman can do to make herself desirable – develop useful skills, or get a job. If a woman is an expert homemaker, she can actually make her husband’s life easier by giving him more time to focus on his job. Alternately, if a woman is gainfully employed with a job of her own, she is no longer a liability and expense. Some women also successfully work from home by producing a good that can be traded for extra income. A profitable woman can often successfully marry a man of a higher social status than she is, though rarely do women marry someone below them in status.
Because of rising living expenses, employment is becoming increasingly expected of women. There is even a trend for women to remained unmarried, supporting their father’s house with their employment. While this trend allows some families to raise more children with the assistance of grown daughters, it also makes jobs even scarcer. In some cases, men are competing against women for jobs as landlords hire more women, who generally work for less. Women are even beginning to take up professions that were previously open only to men.
As a result of this austere mentality, romance is optional in a marriage. Men typically look for women based on practicality first and then chose which woman they like best out of the eligible individuals. To be married for purely love’s sake is an indulgence, a sign of success or confidence. This is yet another reason why honest-hearted men will wait until they are older to marry; they will not take the wife they love until they are sure they can provide for her consistently. On the contrary, rich men will marry young on whims of passion, using their position in life to buy the luxury of romance.
Despite this, the Volk consider marriage to be a life-long commitment. Divorce and polygamy are unheard of, and sins such as adultery and domestic abuse are greatly despised. A family is a man’s commitment; if he is not faithful at home, he will not be trusted in the workplace. While fathers are often very influential in picking a husband for their daughters, strictly arranged marriages are not allowed. A father may prevent a woman from marrying, but he may not force her into a marriage. Only women convicted of crimes lose this liberty.
Regardless of the status of the couple, all marriages are initiated through a courtship. A man makes his intent known by sending a hair accessory as a gift to his chosen. If the girl wears the accessory in public, the man knows he has been given permission to approach the girl and begin the courtship process. There is no standard for courtships; often times they are short, primarily consisting of discussions between the husband and the girl’s father. The husband continues to give hair accessories to the girl during the process; if the girl continues to wear them, she is signifying that she is still interested. Courtships are not considered to be serious commitments; a girl may stop the relationship at any time by ceasing to wear the hair accessories. She may also court more than one man at once, which she signifies by wearing at least one accessory from each man.
Engagements, however, are considered final. A man proposes to a woman whenever he is ready to commit to a serious relationship; he does this by sending the final gift, a tiara, to the girl. If a man decides to back out of a courtship, he simply never proposes; once he has proposed, he cannot recant or court another woman unless his proposal is refused. A girl may hold onto the tiara without making a decision as long as she likes, and she may continue to court other men during this time. Once a girl accepts a proposal by wearing the tiara in public, however, she stops courting other men, destroying or returning their gifts, and is legally obliged to marry her fiancée. If a woman wishes to refuse a proposal, she must return the tiara to the man. If a woman dies while engaged or before accepting a proposal, the tiara is destroyed at her funeral.
The marriage celebration varies drastically between the various social ranks. If a marriage is conducted primarily for business, or the couple is poor, there may be no ceremony at all; the couple simply signs the appropriate papers and files them with the estate’s scribe. Often times taking a few precious days off of work is considered enough of a celebration. If a marriage is romantic in nature, or the couple has the means, the ceremony may be accompanied by pomp and circumstance. Fathers are more likely than husbands to throw elaborate celebrations, as a way of boasting about their daughter’s profitable match.
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